A Cup of Water
I’m the beast in your belly
The spark in your eye
The dew on the grass
The reason for why
The hair on your head
The clothes on your back
The dark in the night
The matter of black
An explosive power you can’t comprehend
I have no beginning I have no end
You are perfectly flawed and a wonder too
Everything and nothing - more than “will do”
So spectacular a view, so much to take in
Use all your senses, that’s where to begin
Don’t forget what you see, what you smell, how it feels
The rest is a construct, it’s barely real
So you’re doing your taxes
You’d like a house
You want that thing, a bottle of Famous Grouse?
Try to relax, drink it all away
You pause, “I’d like one more day”
The memory flashes to a tube in your throat
The pain and your previous life so remote
You’re back in a Colombian hospital bed
It’s blurry, you‘re not your body or head
Rat traps all over, a pubic toilet to the right
Lights on 24/7 - a horrific sunny delight
Nurses’ rest room in open door to the left
With pop tunes, screeches and cackles you rest
Why am I taking myself here, what am I thinking to think?
Arh here it comes “ I wanted a drink”
Remember the day for body, mind and soul
There was only one thing I thought would consol
A simple thing that felt so far away
A drink of water from a cup one day
So try to remember Lucy there is very little one needs
Love, friendship, water, awareness and peace.
You are a tiny dot, you are epic and vast,
You are all of time and nothing that lasts
Wonder and wonder and wonder and see
Wonder and wonder and wonder and be.
The Future is yet to come
A sail made of our clothes, pillows we slept on and dreams we had, that still might be.
120 x 300cm (full extension tbc)
Wip adding a star a day :)
There is a before, a middle/ warning and a new.
May my star spangled sail be more beautiful each day :)
I am the Captain of my ship and it’s one of love, awareness and dreaming big. Let’s sail into the new year and who knows where we’ll end up.
Happy New Year
Xx
A trip to the Hairdressers
“Where have you been? We thought something terrible must have happened”
I take my seat, in the mirror we’ll reflect
And review the 27th of Feb’s terrible effect
He lifts the brush and turns my hair
“What happened my love, what happened, do you see?”
A white shock band like a ring on a tree
A timeline of horror
I hadn’t clocked
The enormity of the terror in my hair locked.
So the scar on my stomach
The shock in my hair
The flashbacks the torment
All cause for despair
The lawyers
The bills
The public affairs
The absence of a person
No longer there
The smell of their clothes
Shoes under the bed
The hairdressers looks at me then at my head
My eyes start to fill and his too
Come on lovely, we’ll fix you up, that’s what we’ll do
X
There is no alphabet for this
95 x 85 cm
Oil, acrylic and binder on canvas
A painting that emerged and seemed like it might blow away into a million pieces. A premonition?
.
Sharing love, being everything and nothing and wondering at the wildness (good and bad) and gift of it all.
Studies on paper:
Drifting thoughts and flashbacks:
It’s been 24 hours,
No medicine, no news
Body and mind, so confused
Bill moved, taken away
No one will tell me if he’s with us today
Then into the room walks Lady
A kind police officer dressed in navy, (or was it green, kindest woman I’ve ever seen)
The nurses say, you can’t trust her
But I have diamonds in my vision and everythings a blur
A new way of seeing with a migraine effect
A new way of seeing, no time to reflect
A new way of seeing, no time to cry
A new way of seeing, it’s live or die
“I’m the niece of your uber driver
I’ll bring you a blanket, you’re a survivor
The first person to help after the crash
Triage Nurse:
Que te pasa chica?
I’m like can’t you see?
Tengo dolor - aqui aqui aqui!
Punched in the stomach, knickers down, porter watching, nurses surround
“We are fitting a catheter, that’s what you need
We’ll practice on you, trainees proceed”
“Tranquilla Chica, toda etsa bien”
A nurse, a woman, a terrible human
Lady returns with a blanket, pillow and my phone
“Chica, you are not alone.”
“Who can we call ?
What can we do?”
But i can’t use my fingers, I can’t get through
Finally a call is made
Ruby get’s a dr to my bed
He touches my stomach, touches my head
“Emergency surgery in 30 minutes
Prepare the patient or she’s finished”
My sister in shock, he hangs up the phone
No scan’s, no knowledge of what will be done
I close my eyes and I see the sun
A calm blanket seems to descend,
What will be, will be and there will be an end.
Preparing me for the operation
I’m stripped and wiped down,
Porter and nurses again surround
Some English I finally hear.
“Are you scared now?”
And with that my mind’s clear.
What will be, will be, who can know?
You’ve had a good life and so and so…
Studies on paper
Disaster
Exploring highly changeable reflective surfaces (idea everyone sees things differently)
Subject: Drifting thoughts and flashbacks
1.
When the pickup truck hit, i didn’t hear a sound
Mind on a mission to the “lost and found”
An expanse of information, who knew?
A rolodex of memories, flicked through
6 years old sitting at the kitchen table
Feet not able to touch the floor
My brother & his girlfriend walk through the door
She’s writing an article on seatbelt injuries
“If your found, they will think you look fine
while your internals are bleeding all the time”
Your ribs crushed, your organs damaged
They take more time logging you baggage*
But breathe now that is the first task
This is your body talking, I’m on your side
Eyes open, open wide
No passing out, no sleeping please
I’ll give you all the thoughts you need
to keep you here just a little longer
you’ll be surprised how we are stronger
than you ever thought, you ever knew,
now here’s some thoughts, just a few.
Ask your husband, “wiggle your fingers”
Ok spine not broken, mind wanders
What was our last meal, will it sustain?
Sat here trapped, writhing in pain
Mum and dad I think of you,
Betsy the dog and mimsi too
How much Spanish do you actually know?
Will anyone even get to you?
Mind wandering was it a drunk driver?
Mind wandering how did it happen?
A hard left, a row a discussion
A wheel pulled down in the disruption?
A voice says forget that, there are things to do
Next on the list, listen to you
Can you move?
Get Bill out of the car?
I check to see how the driver is doing
Airbags flared - driver gone
Is he survivor number one?
8 years old,
you fell from a rope ladder,
“Imagine you are winded” a voice said
Now say... “I can’t breath” and tilt your head
Air enters me,
Now open the door
Small breaths, trying to move
legs dont work, cant take weight
Door open the hot air blast in
Air now very thin
harder to breathe
impossible to talk
lips not working body shock
Bill and you will have to wait.
……..
Studies on paper exploring surfaces that change dramatically depending on your viewing point. Idea - we all see things differently.
Drifting thoughts and flashbacks:
Blow through the pipe, move the ball
A task so huge
A task so small
My eyes start to fill with tears
My brother turns to hide his fears
My sister looks so traumatised
Only love in her eyes
Dr, dr, dr, please
we’ve got to get her what she needs
A scan, meds, lights off and rest
This has been her biggest test
All the injuries, all the harm,
She needs to sleep, rest, calm
All the loss, all the sorrow
Trying to hold on for tomorrow.
Cousin Amy on the phone
Ruby, Richard you are not alone.
We’ll get her moved I’ll find the clinic
Just give me some time, give me a minute
Ruby racing back and forth sharing our medical papers across the world
Doctors calling in from Spain and the Uk,
Trying to help in any way
Ruby racing back and forth
Trying to find the words to say
She has to break the news
The family fly in today
She tells me she needs to talk
I need to stay calm
I know it’s bad, I know what’s coming
My heart monitor is beeping
I can’t control it.
I don’t want Ruby to have to say,
We were both so injured that terrible day
“They operated - tried and tried “
And with the past tense I start to cry
Studies on paper
Love, tragedy, waves of light and darkness.
Administration, inquests, lawyers, flashbacks. Horror.
Without the love of others, I’m not sure how anyone carries on.
Exploring the use of graphite to create mirrored surfaces which completely change depending on your view point & lighting.
Thinking around… everyone has their own perspective.
@petersuchin still looking at #mallarme :)
Drifting thoughts and flashbacks
Gin down, vodka away
Again you pause to think, to pray
To who or what you do not know
Maybe this is the way to go
To a gentle voice in your head
Remember now, gentle's not dead
A humble voice,
A person's choice,
A life for which you can rejoice,
You can't know what others think,
Until one day, in a blink
You are desperate and at their mercy
They've stolen your jewellery,
Taken your phone
Suddenly you are alone.
Sign the papers, he is going green
This is the worst thing you have ever seen
Pain exudes throughout your body
Jesus Christ nobody is coming
Your passports lay in a jacket cut off
Will anyone know where you were lost?
You need to reach the family soon
But you are totally alone, alone in a room
Vomit try and make them come back
Everything is going black
A pain so intense but friends come to mind
And in their friendship you find,
A life lived well, happiness, calm
Peaceful now, no alarm
Louder Now and Then So Soft
30 x 25cm
Oil, acrylic and cotton on canvas
No comfort blanket here.
Centre yourself, grit, white smoke, concrete, one line out. Find compassion.
Standing tall or curled up ball,
I feel a beat, I feel you all
Louder now and then so soft
I rest my head upon your chest
Close by, then far away
A gentleness that’s here to stay
In me or you the beat goes on
It’s not me or you or one
It’s all of us, all or none.
