(CW: suicidal ideation)
I didnāt do a year-in-review at the New Year because it didnāt feel like a proper measuring stick yet. 2025 was a bit of a late bloomer. Last January, I took a leave of absence from teaching and entered a partial hospitalization program (PHP) to try and remember what it felt like to love life.
One year ago today, I had my final session of that program. I wish I could say that I āgraduatedā fully healed at the end. I certainly gained a new set of tools, but in many ways it also opened wounds I thought I had mended long ago. Instead I discovered that they were just covered with layers of old, fraying bandaids.
Iāve been reflecting this month on the particular rollercoaster of the past year, wondering if Iāve made any progress at all.
But in going through photos, I was reminded of just how rich in love and joy and wonder my life is. Hell, who else can say they took a one-day leave of absence from the psych ward to attend the GRAMMYS?!
And the VERY DAY after the program ended, I was standing in the rehearsal room for Paola Prestiniās new opera with so many beloved colleagues. What a distinct whirlwind.
I will say, I donāt recommend producing 4 shows, building a non-profit, and moving into/renovating a 250-year old house in the year immediately following a PHP. Not to mention all during a 2nd Tr*mp Presidencyā¦
But I DO recommend choosing yourself in any way possible if youāre ever questioning your desire to stay alive. I DO recommend staring your own avoidant, addictive, ineffective behaviors in the face and discovering intentional replacements. I DO recommend cutting out alcohol, for any period that feels right to you, as a physical reset. (I planned for a sober year, and Iām now 14 months + 14 days alcohol-free.)
In so many ways I feel like this healing has only just begun. But last year at this time I saw no path forward, and today I see so many possible paths. I have hope. And that feels like progress.
Enjoy this collection of things that have kept me hopeful this year!
You really never know what people are going through. So with all the effort you can muster: be kind and be brave. š
#ThisIsWhy
Whenever the world makes no sense, which is often, art surges forth to help us parse through the madness. @the_why_collective is proud to align itself with centuries of artist resistance movements of the past and present. We share a similar vision:
A kinder, braver world.
Click the links in our bio to find out about upcoming gatherings and all the ways you can get involved. š
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Join us.
This is Why.
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Written and edited by Ian Sutherland @the_whole_internet
Voiceovers by members of The Why Collective: Sydney Anderson @sydneyea
Alberto Medero @bx.avatar
Micaela Bottari @micaelabottari
Derek Weagle @dweagz
Dicky Dutton @dickydutton
AJ Rodriguez @aj.r.music
Mirai Shinde @mirai_shinde
Ian Sutherland @the_whole_internet
Heather Jones @hbeeejay
Mark Bankin @mark.bankin
Archival Footage & Photos provided by archive.org
Music: Philip Glass, Music in Contrary Motion (1967) - archive.org #Thewhycollective #interdisciplinaryart #artisresistance #communitybuilding
Back on Instagram for a couple weeks to tell you to come see Constance: A Confession at @herearts , opening TONIGHT and running through May 22nd.
Come witness the con!
@experimentsinopera
Catch us making our bird whistle trio debut with @nnamdithegreat on Monday, 4/20.
Get your tickets before they fly away! Link in bio.
#newmusic #interdisciplinaryart #speakeasy #nycevents #experimentalmusic
@abagaelcheng@sydneyea@cam_soprano
Teaching a low and slow Friday night flow via Zoom tonight at 8PM ET.
Think 45 minutes of guided meditation, breath work, floor stretching, long savasana š¤¤
Head to @buttabeefit to register for the drop-in class or DM me for the link.
#virtualyoga #yogateacher #yogaclassesonline
How to recycle 5 years of programs, scripts, flyers, scores, poems, etc., @the_why_collective style:
Make it into new paper!
#thewhycollective #interdisciplinaryart #poetry #papermaking #crafting
Whoās gonna produce a *real* Studio 54 themed party in LA?! Because Iāve got disco fever and this party was not it.
Story timeš
As someone who likes to time travel Iām always on the lookout for themed events. There are a good number of 40s/50s events, but 60s/70s nights are rare. So I was really excited to see a studio 54 themed night pop up on my IG feed, and @sydneyea and I made plans to go.
We get there and are basically living the āam I too old to be here?ā scene. Then I realized that I didnāt want to be with the ākidsā even more than they donāt want to be with us (they didnāt really have any negative reaction to us).
When Sydney was like āThe weed is wearing off. I need to go smoke more,ā we took a beat, looked at each other and realized it was time to go.
Donāt get me wrong, I love getting a little stoned or tipsy to *enhance* an experience, but if I feel like I *need* to be intoxicated to enjoy myself, thatās when I know the event is not goodā¦ or at least not for me.
Have you ever had that moment of realization? Or maybe you mostly go to events that require a degree of intoxication?
I wonāt name names because I donāt want to be rude, but this was the most low effort party Iāve been to in a long timeā¦ For the organizers, this was a one night theme where they probably just wanted what they typically like with a *hint* of something special. But as someone who loves disco, it was a major disappointment. With a $20 ticket, I expected at the very least one of the āhostsā to actually be *hosting*ā¦ or *something* (anything) programming and/or decor. But it was a very basic room (though apparently it has some cool history), a very basic bar, and a very basic DJ who only played disco maaaybe 1 out of every 5 songs (probably less). There were a few very well dressed influencer types, but the best fits werenāt even from the hosts.
Meanwhile we had a whole team of artists working for months on @thelastsupperclub.la š« I know from experience *good* events take a LOT of effort. But the world doesnāt need more low effort bs.
šShout out your favorite event producers in the comments! Iāll go first š
#standaretopost @stanforcreators
