This week, thanks to State of the Union and USA Men’s Hockey, male malfeasance dominated the headlines.
But there were also a lot of men out there doing good.
This week I’m introducing Good News from Good Dudes. A few stories of men out there who are displaying what it means to live compassionately, in community, and in care.
So that our conversation isn’t just about what the “wrong” way is, but what the right way looks like.
Today’s features include @flavorflavofficial , @dadsforall , @kidds_dad and @iambenwest
I don't care if they won 100-0, they're all now losers in my book for the moment.
This is so disappointing to see from USA Men's Hockey. After their gold medal win over Canada at the Olympics, the team a) celebrated in their locker room with noted try hard Kash Patel and b) took a call from the President of the United States during which they all enjoyed a laugh at the expense of gold-medal winning USA Women's Hockey.
Absolutely pathetic, and I hope these boys stand up and apologize for what they did.
Because they just lost the right to say "Not All Men." They proved they are part of the problem.
They are part of the culture of permissiveness. The culture that devalues women, their accomplishments, their safety, and their happiness. The culture that never demands accountability.
Being a good man isn't just about stepping in when you see physical harm, it's about stepping in when harmful ideas, attitudes, and beliefs are being propagated that devalue the worth and accomplishments of others.
This was a moment to do that, and it was a moment that turned these heroes into zeroes.
What's it like to be seen as a threat?
Something that's been on my mind since chatting with @milleridriss since we last spoke is this testimony she shared from a young man she spoke with.
What must that moment be like? Feel like? To recognize the potential for harm that you have. The responsibility you now get to carry as a man.
I wish I could say I remembered that moment for myself, but I'd be lying if I tried to name that moment or feeling.
Men: how do you hear feeling this story from a boy? What did it bring up for you?
Would also love to hear from other parents on this and understand how they're navigating conversations like this with their sons (or daughters!) either now, or preparing to do so in the future.
CC: @payalforstyle@mikeinprogress_@ruthwhippman@jfschroeder1@sara_wiles@mrhealthteacher@samkelly_world@driven.byjamie@kidds_dad
(Whole interview available on my YouTube)
Parents DM me all the time asking how they can be better prepared to raise a boy in today’s world.
Joke’s on them: the only things I’ve ever raised are a stink and a Chiweenie named Luna.
But I’m so grateful to be in community with amazing thinkers and writers on these topics so I want to elevate three of them today who have powerful books on the subject.
Also consider following folks like @payalforstyle@samkelly_world (who has her own book coming out) @kiergaines@driven.byjamie@kidds_dad !
I opened the door for another man at the gym today and he refused to walk through it.
What the actual hell is going on with men!?
Channeled my inner @itsluke_7 for this one
Big thanks to @usatoday AND Matt Alderton for including my voice and the work of @walking_talking_men I. This article on chronic loneliness.
Nice to see this guy @drvivekmurthy mentioned as well. Seems like a guy with bright things in his future.
Most men (and women) still think men are supposed to be providers.
But what we don’t all accept is that being a provider doesn’t have to mean earning a paycheck.
Thanks to research from @equimundo_org , we know that the vast majority of men and women (86% and 77%, respectively) believe that providing for one’s family is THE TOP TRAIT of a man.
But somewhere along the way, “provider” got reduced to “breadwinner.” And that’s a trap for men, for families, and for communities.
Providing can look like so many things.
Offering a compassionate ear to discuss a sensitive issue.
Teaching a new skill to a neighbor.
Checking in on your friends when they go quiet.
Offering wisdom, guidance, and presence.
Yes, financial contribution matters. But so does your time, your attention, your care. When we only measure provision by money, we leave out the deeper, human ways men can hold families and communities together.
Let’s stop shrinking men to just paychecks. Let’s expand what provider really means. It’s emotional. Practical. Spiritual.
What are some other ways men can be a provider?
If you have ever celebrated your body and been met with ridicule instead of support, this one is for you 🙌🏽
Not every man’s goal is to be relentlessly ripped. Not every man measures his worth in muscle. And the fact that loving your body as a man is somehow controversial tells you everything about the standard we have all quietly accepted.
You are allowed to be proud of yourself. You are allowed to lift up your boys.
Let’s normalize this type of brotherhood. Follow @sander_jennings , @heybrotherjohnny , and @realjonjacobs 🙏
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#bodypositivity #healthymasculinity #brotherhood #manosphere ❤️
Tired of toxic manosphere grifters taking advantage of you (or the boys and men in your life)?
Then give us a follow as we embark on a project to flip the script. Spotlighting real men, real brotherhood, and everyday masculinity.
Stay tuned and follow:
@heybrotherjohnny@heybrotherco@matthewechelman@realjonjacobs
🔔📱 Can you pick up the call?🔔📱
There’s a time and a place for everything. And many times, we need to call out certain behaviors and beliefs that are causing harm to intervene and stop that harm.
But sometimes, when it’s safe to do so, calling in can do a lot more than calling out. Lasting, meaningful behavioral change can come from INVITING someone to reflect on their behavior and promote change rather than INDICTING them with no possibility of repair.
It’s not avoidance, it’s strategic engagement.
I’m grateful to have learned about call in culture from my work with @acalltomen .
Honestly, calling in doesn’t even mean you’re not calling them out, it just means engaging them in a way that is more likely to incite change and reduce future harm.
Slide 8 offers some approaches for what that could look like.
What’s your take? Can you get behind call-in culture?
