If Iām intense in everything I do, itās because I know what it feels like to feel nothing.
In 2012, I was living in the Tenderloin in a tiny studio, my bed tucked inside a closet to save space. I was deep in self destruction ways, finding any way I could to escape myself-drugs, partying. But somehow, art and meditation found their way in too. A strange kind of balance.
Iād open the closet door, jump directly onto my bed, there was no room to walk inside that little room. In that small little cave is where I discovered astral projection. I had three out of body experiences. If Iām honest, they scared me enough to never try again. It felt too real, too powerful, and at the time I wasnāt ready to accept my power.
Around that time, I started collecting masks. I became friends with this older Caucasian woman, Laurie, a rocket scientist who gifted me masks she was throwing out and ironically, through her, my obsession with painting Mexican culture began. Iād sit in my studio not knowing what to paint, so I painted the masks staring back at me. Sometimes it felt like they had souls. Like they were watching me. I knew they were imprinting on me and my life in some way.
Looking back, I see clearly that everything started as an escape. Even art. Creating felt like leaving..being somewhere else while your hands are still here, doing the work.
And in a strange way, I built this life trying to get away from this place.
Now I wake up every day reminding myselfā¦ this place isnāt so bad. Itās actually wonderful, while the darkness exists the light always continues to win, and Iām safe now. There are moments where I snap out of the trance and really feel ..and now I create to stay there. To be here. In reality, not the illusion.
Iām working on it every day.
But sometimesā¦ I still wonder.
If this is all a dream.
If I ever really came back. Or if Iām floating outside my body somewhere, having a really good dream. If thatās the case- please donāt wake me .
@thinkspace_art @muzeo 
