I’m not a boy 🏳️🌈🌲🥾
But I always did like to act like one. At least that’s what folks told me.
While my feminine side comes out in subtle hints and special circumstances, my boyish nature is more of a default.
As a kid, when I wrote stories and created self-insert characters, they were always male.
I tied by long hair back religiously and dressed like a skater or a field biologist. Everyone called me a tomboy - a term I was never quite comfortable with.
As a teenager, I quickly started to dissociate from my body. Dressing like a “girl” felt like leaving the house naked.
I actually wondered for years if I would end up a lesbian. I’d wake up and check myself: “Am I attracted to girls yet?” The answer was always no.
It wasn’t until my mid-20s, when conversations around gender became more mainstream, that I realized it wasn’t about who I was drawn to. It was about me… how I felt in my body and soul.
I changed my name and my pronouns, and from there it felt like the world opened up. Suddenly I felt like I could pull influence from everywhere - my clothes, my hair, my persona, my voice. I had access to boyhood in a way I never had before, and it felt like a weight was lifted off of me. I didn’t have to be that little lady anymore.
I feel my inner dude in my posture… my arms, my legs, my feet. He’s dusty and outdoorsy, always seeking adventure and reckless play. He has a dry sense of humor and a resonant cackle. He’s crass but kind. Casual but sharp.
It’s been an honor to get to know him, to decide he’s not out of place.
Oddly, it was the journey to incorporate my inner masculine that helped me find the feminine energy that always eluded me.
These days they’re in constant communication. Playing and exploring together. And I’m happy to say they’re best friends.
Happy Pride to all my fellow little guys, big guys, and everything in between. You belong here.
📸
@turnwrightnow heard my vision and led me through this shoot at my childhood home. Her work is outstanding. Check my profile for the fem edition.
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#happypride #pridemonth #lgbtq #genderqueer #nonbinary #theythem #transmasc #genderfluid #queerart #stlouisartist #pridephotography
