Let’s discuss palmetto bugs.
And before y’all start, I know. I know. South Carolina and North Carolina are two separate places. I learned that lesson on the internet one time and got yelled at so thoroughly that I will never recover. So we are not in the Carolinas. We are in South Carolina and also North Carolina, two distinct sovereign nations that happen to share a border and a name.
Anyway.
Everybody up here keeps calling these things palmetto bugs, and I keep looking at them going, baby, that is a cockroach. That is a roach. I know a roach when I see one because Mississippi raised me on them. But then I look closer and these palmetto bugs do look a little different. They’re bigger. They got a different vibe. They walk with confidence. A Mississippi roach scurries. A palmetto bug strolls. A palmetto bug makes eye contact.
So are these the same bug with a public relations team, or are they actually different species? Do they behave different? Is one worse than the other? Does the palmetto bug fly directly at your face on purpose, or is that just a rumor I have heard whispered in gas station bathrooms from Charleston to Wilmington?
Somebody educate me. I need answers before this tour ends.
Speaking of the tour, here’s where I’ll be the rest of this week:
Tonight (Mon 5/18): Winston-Salem NC for the Mast General Store signing, then Comedy Zone Greensboro
Tue 5/19: Boone NC, Mast General signing and the Appalachian Theatre show
Wed 5/20: Asheville NC, Mast General signing and then The Mule
Thu 5/21: Knoxville TN at the Bijou Theatre
Come see me. Bring bug facts.
Let’s discuss what a great show @landontalks had at the @thecomedyzone . What a beautiful venue! Thank you to everyone who came out! Did you get a picture with Landon? Don’t forget to tag him and Comedy Zone when you post it! @readitagainbooks has a few autographed copies of Bless Your Heart left. If you want to order one, reach out to Read It Again and they will make it happen. Thanks y’all!
Obviously there’s a LOT more to learn and know before you come to this place but for comedy’s sake, the plane train is departing. The doors are closing. A is for Atlanta. Hold on.
Tour dates left this week:
Greensboro, NC, May 18, @comedyzonegreensboro
Boone, NC, May 19, @apptheatre
Asheville, NC, May 20, @themuleavl
Knoxville, TN, May 21, @bijoutheatre@mastgeneralstore book signing tomorrow in Winston Salem, Tuesday in Boone, and Wednesday in Asheville!
Prolly will delete later…
Okay y’all, I have never sang on the internet and I genuinely do not know why today is the day but here we are. This is “She Used To Be Mine” from Waitress. @sarabareilles is everything, and the @rufuswainwright duet of this on @pbs lives rent free in my head forever. That man is a gift.
No autotune. No filters. No driving, I am safely in the passenger seat, mama. Just me, the song, and possibly regret.
Fun fact y’all probably don’t know about me and @thecoolestkate We were wedding singers for years before whatever this career is now. So consider this a glimpse into our former life.
If y’all hate tour karaoke we will never speak of this again. If you like tour karaoke, drop a song you want me to sing next in the comments.
I’ll probably delete this by sundown. Hope you enjoy.
Y’all, it’s tour week and I am running on Coke Zero and pure adrenaline.
Tonight I’m in Greenville, tomorrow Greensboro, Tuesday Boone, Wednesday Asheville, Thursday Knoxville. Five nights, five cities, one very tired Southern boy telling stories about our people.
Come laugh with me. Bring your mama, bring your aunt who wears kaftans, bring whoever needs a night out. Kaftans encouraged. In fact, kaftans strongly recommended. If you’ve got one, this is the week to wear it.
Tickets at landontalks.com. Let’s have a time.
Mast General Store book signings this week — come say hey and get your copy of Bless Your Heart signed:
Sun 5/17 — Columbia, SC (2–4pm)
Mon 5/18 — Winston-Salem, NC (4–6pm)
Tue 5/19 — Boone, NC (4–6pm)
Wed 5/20 — Asheville, NC (5–7pm)
CANNOT WAIT TO SEE Y’ALL STARTING TOMORROW!!!
Greenville 5/17
Greensboro 5/18
Boone 5/19
Asheville 5/20
Knoxville 5/21
Get your tickets now and come hug my neck!
Bring your mama and them!
Do you want THE house tour?
I GOT TO GO BEHIND THE SEEDS at The Land in Epcot. It’s a tour of the most underrated spot and my favorite ride in all of Disney World - Behind the Seeds at The Land is a Land-lover’s dream come true and I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT
@waltdisneyworld@disneyparks the Living with the Land girlies deserve their flowers
#LivingWithTheLand #BehindTheSeeds
#Epcot #WaltDisneyWorld #DisneyAdult
@landontalks is making his debut in Greenville THIS SUNDAY! This is a don’t miss show!
🎤 @landontalks
🗓️ Sunday May 17 @ 6p
📍 304 E. Stone Avenue, Greenville SC
🎟️ GreenvilleComedyZone.com
Landon Talks has built one of the most engaged organic audiences in the South, with over 900,000 followers across Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Threads, and YouTube.
His content focuses on Southern culture, food, family life, and everyday observations. His “Let’s Discuss” videos regularly go viral, driven by comment sections that become part of the show.
Now he’s taking it live.
This is a stand-up comedy show built around real stories, cultural commentary, and crowd interaction. If you follow him online, you’ll see the live version go deeper, looser, and more personal.
Guess where I’m performing next?!?!
No, not there… but Mickey, if you’re reading this, holler at your boy.
Catching me on the road this week, y’all:
May 17, Comedy Zone Greenville, SC
May 18, Comedy Zone Greensboro, NC
May 19, Appalachian Theatre, Boone, NC
May 20, The Mule, Asheville, NC
May 21, Bijou Theatre, Knoxville, TN
Tickets at Landontalks.com
Bring your mama and them!
