Sami Bachota | Certified Narcissistic Abuse Specialist

You are NOT alone! You deserve compassion and kindness. They might say they love you but that do their actions SHOW you? Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. What defines someone is what we do about those mistakes. Do we learn? Do we grow? Narcissistic people don’t. They will learn how to hide their manipulative ways better in some instances. But if someone can sleep peacefully at night knowing you’re hurting and emotionally destroyed, that’s diabolical. And that has NOTHING to do with you or your worth. ❤️‍🩹 @informed_healing 1:1 coaching sessions (email/bio/waitlist) Join my free PRIVATE community support group (bio) Narcissistic Abuse Support . #informedhealing #narcfree #narcawareness #narcabuse #narcknowledge #traumainformed #narcsurvivor

It’s not even always about the past abuse. One of the hardest realities to explain is that coercive control can be happening right in front of people, systems, lawyers, or judges and STILL not be recognized for what it is. Sometimes the abuse shifts forms after separation. It can stop for some time if they have someone new distracting them but when that relationship fails as they inevitably do, they often start cycling back around exes looking to regain power and control to soothe that internal discomfort and feel like they matter again. It’s pathetic really. And if someone does not understand coercive control, post-separation abuse, litigation abuse, trauma responses, or power/control dynamics, they can unknowingly become another tool the abuser uses to maintain access, pressure, punishment, intimidation, or control after you escaped. That’s why so many survivors leave abusive relationships only to feel retraumatized by the systems they believed would protect them. Post-separation abuse is real and dangerous! Period! @informed_healing 1:1 trauma informed narcissistic abuse recovery (bio) #coercivecontrol #postseparationabuse #narcissisticabuserecovery #familycourt #redflags

Not just a documentary or film, it’s validation. It’s so much than that. This kind of abuse is extremely isolating and it’s manufactured that way. People living in it often can’t make sense of what’s happening, which makes it that much harder for others to see and understand too. And unfortunately too many don’t want to understand it. That’s why The Narcissist’s Playbook matters. This is the kind of resource that would have helped me so much when I was in the thick of it or had just been discarded. This film helps survivors feel seen, validated, and less alone while helping others finally understand what’s happening behind the mask. It helps lift the veil. It reveals how insidious these people are and they are amongst us destroying lives every day. Get your ticket to help support this film so it can reach more and more people that have no idea what they are currently surviving. Visit the link in my bio or share this post. One share to your page or privately to a friend could make a bigger difference than you realize. It could just what they’ve been needing all the is time. ❤️‍🩹 🎬 Early Bird Release: May 30 (🔗 in bio) 🌍 Worldwide Release: TBD The Narcissist’s Playbook into the hands of someone who needs to see beyond the mask and know they are not alone. ❤️‍🩹 @informed_healing @markvicente @thenarcissistsplaybook #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissism #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticabusesurvivor #traumainformed

Think about that for a second. The person you trusted most became the very person repeatedly harming you. That type of betrayal does not just affect emotions. It deeply impacts the nervous system, your sense of safety, your ability to trust, and how your body responds to stress long after the relationship ends. And it’s not your fault.❤️‍🩹 @informed_healing #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabuserecovery #traumainformed #nervoussystemhealing #abuseawareness

As difficult as this is to share publicly, I created a GoFundMe (bio)bc the financial strain has become overwhelming while trying to protect stability for my children and navigate ongoing litigation & not be arrested. I’ve already spent hundreds on attorneys, and the one attorney experienced in coercive control dynamics is financially out of reach right now. Even reading, sharing, or supporting means more than I can explain. ❤️‍🩹 I appreciate you all and hope I have helped you in some way and will continue doing so. 🫂 This isn’t easy to share, but I’m showing up authentically and this is the reality of legal abuse as a continuation of coercive control. I’ll probably lose followers over this, but I’m human, and this is the reality many survivors face long after leaving. Something that was never specifically ordered in my divorce decree has escalated into ongoing litigation, financial strain, threats of jail, and demands that are financially impossible for me to meet despite documented proof and repeated attempts to comply. People assume once you leave, it’s over. Sometimes it isn’t. Some abusers continue from a distance through financial pressure, legal systems, intimidation, stalking online. And before anyone says “that can’t happen,” family courts sometimes order children into unsupervised contact despite allegations or documented concerns involving abuse, SA, violence, addiction, or homicidal ideations. Survivors and protective parents speak about these realities every day. So no, my reality surrounding ongoing threats of jail over something financially impossible is very real. I’ve been told to pursue civil action and that there may be a strong case, but honestly, I don’t want revenge or more years tied to this person. I just want peace again and absolutely nothing to do with them. I want to continue raising my boys and doing the work I’m passionate about, helping others recognize red flags, coercive control, trauma patterns, and reclaim themselves after abuse. Both on socials and with clients. That has always been my focus. #traumainformed #coercivecontrol #postseparationabuse #narcissisticabuserecovery #nervoussystemhealing

Given all the hate, projection, and messages I’ve received lately, I feel it’s important to remind people that I’ve been doing this work for years. I didn’t wake up one day and randomly decide to speak on trauma, narcissistic abuse, coercive control, or nervous system healing. I lived it. I studied it. I became certified and trauma-informed. And I’ve spent years helping people reconnect with themselves after psychological abuse and chronic emotional stress. And truthfully, it took me a long time to even say the words “I’m a domestic violence and narcissistic abuse survivor.” Because many survivors minimize what happened to them for years. Especially when the abuse was psychological, coercive, emotional, financial, or hidden behind closed doors. And the reality is that many survivors don’t just “leave” and magically become free. Coercive controllers often continue the abuse long after separation through other systems like litigation abuse, financial abuse, harassment, smear campaigns, intimidation, control tactics, and prolonged psychological pressure. Ntm the online stalking by their fake accounts and flying monkeys trying to bully me into silence. Or other random abusers out there. So yes, I speak about it and educate bc many people are still living it while trying to survive, parent, heal, and rebuild at the same time. Public social media but a private life. Posts are not about me or my experience unless I explicitly state that. I do share more with subscribers bc trolls and abusers don’t get in. My content exists because so many survivors feel isolated, confused, dismissed, or unable to explain what they experienced. People deserve language for what happened to them. They deserve education. Validation. And safe spaces to heal. And yes I do work 1:1 with clients. This work matters deeply to me. And regardless of the continued attacks, I’m not going anywhere. 😉 ❤️‍🩹 @informed_healing #coercivecontrol #traumainformed #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabuserecovery #postseparationabuse

What chills me most about this is the familiarity. The complete absence of remorse, accountability, or empathy for anyone but herself. Even rolling her eyes during his sister’s victim impact statement. I can usually hold space for nuance and understand that things are not always what they first appear to be but this case has stayed with me for years. And watching her speak only reinforced what my body knew. I know this person but in a different form. This wasn’t accountability. This was image management. Trying to make it sound “mutual” when the father of her children is no longer here to speak for himself. And she was the one convicted of mu3er, fraud, and forgery. Not him. And still absolutely no ownership. No genuine grief. No empathy for the devastation left behind. Just irritation when things were said about her. Many of us have heard versions of this kind of speech before. The “I’m not perfect, but neither are you.” Deflection. Minimization. False equivalency. And she went on and on and on and on! I could have fallen asleep bc there’s nothing there. The arrogance. The callousness. The emotional detachment while centering themselves even in the aftermath of irreversible harm. What gives me some comfort is knowing she will never again have physical access to her children, and that his family is fighting to ensure she cannot financially benefit from tragedy moving forward. Hearing the letters from her children on what they endured with her and disproving her entire narrative of the night this all happened was another part. Some with day cheating and fraud don’t make someone guilty of mur3er but it shows lack of integrity, character, and putting herself and money above all. This is why see the whole picture MATTERS!! Some people mistake consequences for accountability. They are not the same thing. @informed_healing Clips from @courttvnetwork #traumainformed #coercivecontrol #dvawareness

Yet somehow, the person demanding (or covertly demanding) your entire emotional, mental, and physical energy still convinces you that you aren’t enough. Somehow YOU are the problem. Too difficult. Too needy. Too hard to love. That’s intentional so you keep trying harder. Your entire existence slowly becames centered around managing them, their moods, their needs, their comfort, and keeping the relationship functioning at the expense of yourself. That’s not love. That’s conditioning. You deserve someone who knows you’re not replaceable bc you’re not something to be used. You’re someone to be love and that’s not in their capacity.❤️‍🩹 @informed_healing #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabuserecovery #traumainformed #nervoussystemhealing #narcissisticabuse

I’m so tired of adultery being normalized. Adultery with children in the home IS a form of abuse. The psychological damage and lifelong impact it has on children is profound. Yes, it’s abuse to the spouse too but when you abandon your family for an affair, your choices don’t just affect a marriage. They affect a child’s entire sense of safety, attachment, stability, and self-worth. And this is not about people that did something, recognizing it, took full accountability (not just words) and took steps to heal themselves bc they had genuine remorse and took steps to make sure it didn’t happen again. Children often internalize abandonment as: “Why wasn’t I enough?” “Why wasn’t our family enough?” “Why did someone else matter more than me?” People act like children are resilient enough to just “adjust,” while ignoring the nervous system wounds, grief, attachment injuries, and lifelong relational struggles these situations can create. And I’ll say something really controversial… 50/50 custody should not automatically be the standard when a parent willingly abandons their family for an affair, especially in cases involving chronic deception, coercive behaviors, repeated affairs, instability, or pathological patterns. A parent who prioritizes a stranger and their own gratification over the emotional security of their child should absolutely be evaluated more deeply from a child safety and attachment perspective. That doesn’t mean children should never see that parent. It means accountability, education, and therapeutic intervention should matter. Mandatory parenting classes. Court-ordered therapy. Attachment and child development education. Actual investigation into the emotional impact on the child. Because abandonment wounds children. And pretending otherwise just protects adults from accountability. ❤️‍🩹 *Educational purposes only. Those that have lived and feel it in their bodies while the rest of the world normalizes something so traumatic. @informed_healing 1:1 somatic trauma informed narcissistic abuse recovery (bio) #betrayaltrauma #traumainformed #narcissisticabuserecovery #nervoussystemhealing #infidelity

None of this is accidental. People with abusive, coercive, or highly exploitative patterns LACK genuine accountability. And many of the relationships surrounding them are built on image, convenience, fear, avoidance, or what people gain from proximity to them. To them, relationships are transactional. If they can no longer use, benefit from, control, or get something from you, you may suddenly find yourself discarded, replaced, or erased. And that “support system” they have that people might envy? A lot of it is one-sided and very superficial. These kinds of people don’t do depth and meaningful relationships at all. Some people maintain long-term relationships not because they’re healthy, but because it helps sustain an image. That’s it. It’s not love or bc they suddenly care more, it’s self serving. They don’t learn to become better people. They “learn”how to better manipulate perception, maintain control, avoid consequences, and secure new sources of validation. Their only adaptation is still self serving. Jumping from relationship to relationship without reflection, repair, accountability, or growth is a major red flag. These people outsource their emotions, identity, and responsibility onto others instead of looking within. And yes, some people replace entire families and sleep just fine at night while others are left carrying the grief, confusion, trauma, and aftermath. Why? Because many people prioritize comfort over integrity, especially when accountability would require them to examine the role they played in enabling harmful and often abusive dynamics. So please remember this!! Someone being isolated does NOT automatically mean they were the problem. Sometimes the isolated person is simply the one who could no longer tolerate the toxicity, the pretending, the enabling, or the silence. Truth tellers often stand alone bc they refuse to bow down any longer! ❤️‍🩹 @informed_healing #narcissisticabuseawareness #coercivecontrol #narcissisticabuserecovery #traumainformed #nervoussystemhealing

And to all the mommas surrounded by people yet still feeling unseen, unappreciated, and emotionally alone… I see you. We see you. To all the moms out there that made people grandparents yet they don’t acknowledge your existence bc they have a new dil to celebrate. I see you. 🫂 The moms carrying the mental load. Making the holidays magical. Holding everything together while quietly breaking inside. All you moms who don’t have your babies here anymore or don’t get to see them, I see you. You’re still mom and carrying a heaviness others can’t see. No matter what stage of motherhood you’re at, you matter! ❤️‍🩹 💐 @informed_healing #traumainformed #mothersday #narcissisticabuserecovery #soloparenting

This is hard to post but necessary. These aren’t just headline. These are REAL people. Real children. REAL families. And it’s happening every day! Two mothers. One of which was pregnant. Did you know the number one cause of death of a pregnant woman is mur3er? Usually an intimate partner. A 4-month old baby. A 4-year-old child. An 8-year-old child. Entire futures erased. 😔 My heart is with every family impacted by violence like this, including the ones the world never hears about. Please start taking coercive control, threats, stalking, intimidation, and escalating abuse seriously before it becomes another headline. And I’m talking to the extended families and those that turn their head and minimize it as “relationship issues” or “not a big deal” bc at least they don’t hit you. I’m talking to those people. Educate yourself and support the person being harmed even if there’s no visible marks. And YES, abuse often continues after these relationships end. Post separation abuse is VERY real. 💜 @informed_healing #coercivecontrol #traumainformed #abuseawareness #dvawareness #narcissism