I am 14 years sober today.
As someone in long-term recovery, people sometimes assume that it’s easier for me now, that it’s not a daily struggle. I actually got a little complacent about this myself; I came to see addiction largely as a detail of my past, and not a fact of my present. But I was wrong.
Just weeks ago, I found myself standing alone in a room and holding a bottle in my hand. I looked at it for a full ten seconds. That’s a lot longer than it sounds. And it’s a lot longer than I should have been holding that bottle. Fourteen years meant nothing in those ten seconds.
I wanted to open that fucking bottle. I really considered it. This past year has been one of the most challenging periods of my entire life. (And yes, that includes my time getting sober.) It can get extremely noisy in my head. And it’s so hard, because I *know* a way to make the demons in my mind stop screaming and let me rest, even for a bit. My brain knows, my body knows—I *know* how to make them stop.
Addiction is sneaky. It can remain dormant for days, weeks, months, years. And then there it is again: lying to you about how you’re fine now, lying about how you can handle it now. And I knew that I could “get away with it.” No one was around, no one would know, and I would finally be able to make all that noise in my head stop. I could turn the volume down on the demons in my mind. Give them what they wanted so they would leave me alone, even temporarily.
But after ten seconds, I put it down. I knew from experience that nothing in that bottle was going to make my situation even one bit better. I put it down, and I walked away. And kept walking. Literally out the door. I went outside and just walked in circles. Shaken and scared, but sober.
So. Fourteen years later, is it easier for me to be sober than it was at the beginning? Yes. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Recovery is possible and it’s a beautiful thing, but it can also be messy, uncomfortable, frightening, and painful. In all likelihood, you will stumble along the way. That’s okay—get back up and keep walking.
I didn’t open that bottle. I made it through that night. You can, too.
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📸: @shylarose.photo
🤖📱 What happens when you upgrade your relationship…with A.I.?
Say hello to the familiar faces in Upgradeable by Sandy Rustin, the first reading in our 2026 Burdick New Play Reading Festival.
This new play explores what happens when a couple turns to A.I. to fix their relationship -- with dark and hilarious results!
📍 Keating Theatre
📆 Script-in-hand reading April 17
⏰ 3PM
🎟 Buy tickets (link in bio)
“The Ides of March are come.”
March 15, 44 BCE was not the best day for Julius Caesar. But history (and Shakespeare) would remember that date.
Then, 2,066 years later, March 15 saw another auspicious event—the birth of this brave, curious, wild-hearted child. And she arrived at night, during a thunderstorm, no less. (I was there, but @shylarose.photo did all of the work—this is very much her day, too.)
Happy 4th Birthday, little one. You are so loved.
World, you have been warned.
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📸: @shylarose.photo
Our baby is FOUR! Happy birthday to our smart, sassy girl who keeps us on our toes and challenges us daily. You’re teaching us patience, making us laugh, and keeping life interesting. We love you so much. ✨
This marked her third year of going to MLB Spring Training, and she was completely invested in today’s game.
(Just kidding—she’s three, so she didn’t particularly care that a baseball game was taking place. She was, of course, far more interested in her pretzel, her lemonade, the kids behind her, and the Orioles’ mascot, The Bird. But it was a good day.)
Last night, I had the tremendous honor of performing selections from I AM MY OWN WIFE, Doug Wright’s extraordinary Pulitzer Prize-winning play. What’s more, I was able to perform for the playwright himself, with insightful direction from @tiffanymoonbeam .
It was my absolute pleasure to work with @quillsauthor62 again. Not only is he brilliant and prolific, he is also exceedingly gracious and kind. And I also got to meet @morgankindof and hear them perform some of their excellent work.
Thank you to @asandberga and everyone at the @hermitageartistretreat for this wonderful evening at @selbygardens !
Three ✨
Born in a thunderstorm on the Ides of March.
What a dramatic, Shakespearean entrance! (It also sounds like it could be a song by Lana Del Rey or Florence + the Machine.) Nevertheless, that’s how you got here, little one.
Three years ago, we welcomed you into the world and you changed our lives forever. Being your parent has been both rewarding and challenging, in ways that we expected and also in ways that we did not. But through it all, we are honored to help you find your path and walk it with you. Happy Birthday—we love you!
And @shylarose.photo , I am in awe of what you did that day three years ago, and every day since. Today is your day, too.
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📸: Me (I mean, I pressed the shutter button; @shylarose.photo did all the rest)
