Another successful LA brunch down for the books! Today I got to share laughter, curiosity, determination, and joy with an incredible group of familiar and new @transequalitynow supporters here on the West Coast. (Thank you, Star and Sam for being our incredible hosts.)
A4TE’s work wouldn’t be possible without so many different parts of our community coming together to build trans power and to advance equality. And it sure as hell helps when you have badass co-conspirators like @lisafreemanauthor@phranc.la and @jamieleecurtis ready to throw down for 🏳️⚧️.
More to come. But today my heart is full. ❤️
My 아빠 (dad) died tragically when he was hit by a truck. Following tradition, all of his pictures and belongings were burned. I was left with only two black and white photos of my dad after I reunited with my family.
For two decades I have cherished those two glimpses of my father. But my jaw dropped when my 언니 (older sister) recently sent me this photo that a 고모 (paternal aunt) had kept.
To see my father and the shared likeness will never get old for me. For this upcoming 추석 (Chuseok), I look forward to serving my father and the rest of my 조상 (ancestors) with greater knowledge and devotion.
Sitting on the grassy banks of the 한강(Han River), my younger brother and his wife surprised me with very old family pictures on my father’s side of all things.
Over a bowl of late night 라면 (ramen), my brother and his wife shared pictures of my dapper 홍씨 친할아버지 (paternal grandfather) and equally handsome 증조부 (paternal great grandfather) who left 함경도 (Hamgyong Province). I’m a little uncertain if my great grandfather is the 박수 무당 (roughly “male shaman”) or if it’s my 고조할아버지 (great great grandfather). But my brother shared of my northern ancestor’s belief and hope for 통일 (Korean reunification). Then he proudly shared with his wife, “누나 (older sister) cares about Korean reunification too.”
The synchronicities are wild. But they’ve filled my heart. And so has my family.
Third day back home in Korea. Drew and I went back to 안산 (Ansan) to spend the day with my mom. We first had bowls of 자장면 (Korean Chinese noodles with black bean sauce) followed by iced Americanos at a nearby cafe. Afterwards we headed back to my mom’s home to plan some more and relax.
Over fresh fruit and cookies the conversation shifted to my mom sharing information about our lineage, particularly on my late father’s side. And that’s when I finally heard what I’ve been waiting to hear for more than a decade. I am the descendant of #만신 (roughly “shaman”) originally from 함경도 (original Hamgyong Province) in the northern part of Korea historically known for its deep connections to #무속. I learned of my second or third great grandfather who was a #박수무당 (roughly translated as a “male shaman.”) As told to my mother by my late 친할모니 (paternal grandmother), this grandfather migrated from the north during the Korean War and was described as being 강한 (powerful) in their practice.
There is much more to this story that my mom shared with me that I am still making sense of. But I have never felt more overwhelmed and liberated at the same time. To finally know pieces of the puzzle are coming together. About me and my direct familial connections to #무속 and my proximity to the struggle for Korean peace and reunification. And to know this is perhaps the beginning of a new journey.
Second day back home in Korea. We headed to my 고향 (hometown) in 경기도 광주 (Gyeonggi-do Gwangju) to visit my 외할머니 (maternal grandmother). On the way we stopped for 콩국수 (noodles in iced soy milk broth).
My grandmother greeted us at the elevator. Like many Korean elders my grandmother doesn’t show much physical affection. Instead she expresses her love by feeding me, having me sit next to her, patiently talking to me, and looking through old family photos together. This time was no different. But I also found myself in a “family meeting” of sorts with me, my grandmother, and mother. Three generations of women conferring and planning over the hot afternoon.
Before we left my grandmother pressed some money into my hands and took the elevator down to the lobby with us. As our taxi pulled up I turned back to my grandmother and hugged her. She was surprised but didn’t resist. Finally my grandmother motioned at the taxi. I hurried to the car but looked up to see my grandmother waving and smiling.
“I love you, grandmother!” I shouted before ducking into the taxi. Then we made the sleepy but nevertheless happy drive back to 안산 (Ansan) and 설 (Seoul).
First day back in Korea. My mom practically ran down the street when she saw us arrive in 안산 (Ansan). She took us to her friend’s nearby restaurant for 갈비 (galbi) and 냉면 (mixed spicy cold noodles). Later over iced Americanos my mom learned I needed to get my hair done. So she took us to her 언니‘s (best friend) hair salon to color and trim my hair. I met my mom’s best friend and a couple other friends who came into the salon. My mom proudly introduced me to her people as her 효녀 (filial daughter) followed by some bragging of her 사위 (son-in-law).
We eventually left the salon and spent hours talking over fresh melon and pineapple before we headed back to the hotel. Truthfully, I didn’t know what to expect given the haphazard nature of planning this visit. But perhaps I needed this trip as much as my family needed me. Regardless I’m grateful to be home. ❤️
Andrea Hong Marra (she/her) @andy_marra , often known as Andy, is a trans activist and executive director of the Transgender Legal Defense and Education Fund (TLDEF). From an early age, she knew who she was as a Korean American and person of color. Adopted into a white family and growing up in a diverse neighborhood, she was raised to be in touch with her Korean heritage. However, there were fewer resources available about being transgender, leading to a journey of helping her parents understand and accept her queer identity.
With a commitment to service and leadership instilled by her parents, Andy began volunteering at LGBTQ organizations in her hometown. She realized that a life of service and advocacy was her calling, a path she’s dedicated herself to for the past couple of decades. Andy reminds us that activists often prioritize their work over themselves, but the spaces they create are for them too. She encourages us to leave behind our stories so that those who come after know they are not alone, asserting that leaving evidence of our existence is a powerful act of defiance.
Funding for this project was made possible by Korean American Community Foundation @kacfny with support from the Reva and David Logan Foundation @revaanddavidloganfoundation
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KoreanAmericanStory.org is a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization whose mission is to create and preserve the stories of the Korean American experience.
CREDITS
Directed by Deborah Baik & Kimberly Young Sun
Interviewer: Deborah Baik
Editor: Kimberly Young Sun @kimberlyyoungsun
Camera: AJ Valente @ajyval , Janice Chung @janicekaramchung
Gaffer: Jason Chew @chewchomp
Sound: HJ Lee
Prop Stylist: Celine Son @clnsn
Production Coordinators: Yoon Perera Lee, Celine Son
On-site Therapist: Kim Konopka
#추석 (Chuseok) is a sacred time for me. It’s one of a few times in the year where I step away from the hustle and grind. To honor and commune with my #조상 (ancestors) through #제사 (ancestral rites). To let go of my #한 (unresolved grief). To pray for my family and loved ones.
I added an additional place setting for my #친할아버지 (paternal grandfather) who passed away earlier this year. We only met once when I first reunited with family in Korea and it was at my father’s burial site. (Funny how death and ancestral spirits seem to be common themes in my life.)
My grandfather’s passing into the afterlife was just one of a series of deaths this year. So many friends and colleagues in lost family members in their lives putting many on the “grief train.” For my grandfather, I prayed that #바리공주 (Princess Bari) would guide my grandfather through the afterlife to rejoin my #아빠 (dad), #삼천 (my uncle, his son), and the rest of our ancestors who have been at my side.
I used to believe death was an end or a finality to our existence. But it was through reclaiming my story, culture, and the wisdom of my ancestors that revealed death is simply another beginning to our existence. And it’s up to those of us on this side of life to carry their grief, hopes, and dreams to vividly remember and to intentionally keep their memories alive in us.
We have completed our grumble! Proud pug dad @drewshives with Moonpie and Chocopie. (And thank you, @jes72056 for watching Moonpie so we could pick up the cute chunk!)
