i never fathomed i’d have such an opportunity as an art residency in the french countryside, and these past 2 weeks have been even more of a fairy tale and a garden of creativity than i could’ve imagined. i came into this shaking in my boots at the thought of being around so many strangers and my own inexperience as an “artist,” and came away with lifetime friends and the blessing of learning from the most amazing musicians, writers, and painters i’ve ever met.
despite how much i try to work on my own projects, the past few years it’s felt like an uphill battle working minimum wage jobs and facing a barren intimidating ocean that is the field i want to dive into, in this soulless world that breaks my heart. what a privilege to have the space to play and create in the most beautiful landscape, and have my art seen and appreciated and cause tears to people i came to care so much about. especially in the midst of thinking so much about loss, connection, beauty, and the kind of person i want to be—it was a very emotional 2 weeks…
i am still figuring out the kind of photographer, filmmaker, writer, whatever i hope for myself, but finally i feel comfortable calling myself an artist. ft. my final project and a practice moon ode and studio pics, more art + many photos incoming :))
because the poem is easier seen in person:
The veil feels thinnest
When I’m looking at beautiful things.
Are you there?
Are you the tears
Caressing my cheeks?
The knot that forms in my throat
At the sight of the love engraved
In these stone angels, these wilting flowers?
You must be the ache in my chest
Gazing up at sunlight through stained glass
That makes me know the fear of god
And I don’t even believe in god.
Are you the crow tilting its head
Following and flitting over the headstones?
Are you looking through the eyes
Of these marble cherubs?
Watching me walk and stumble in mud
Listen to your favorite songs.
You must be the branches
Brushing my arms and legs damp.
I’ve only ever known you through pain
But I’m starting to know you in sunsets.
#35mm #cyanotype
I - CLUB RAMBUTAN #04
amygdala = the small almond-shaped mass of gray matter in our brains that processes fear, anxiety, anger, dread. being faced with the prompt “fear” it was easy to draw up a lot of my own fears!! but ultimately i found myself drawn to the experience of living as a queer trans person in today’s climate.
there are a lot of inner fears that i deal with daily surrounding this body i was born in. but there is also much fear and disgust projected at me, and that’s what i wanted to take charge of. how embarrassing and silly it all is, their fears and hatred. so many think people like me are monsters, so this is my narrative: a freak getting ready for the day, picking and choosing their anatomy.
thank you so much to my lovely friend jess who perfectly captured the camp and joy of queer existence! thank you to maria for mothering this cunty baby of a magazine + the cr team for providing the space to play. thank you to my fellow cohort artists for their beautiful work + support. thank you to kim for honoring my words in this lovely interview. thank you to my queer + trans elders who i will keep trying to honor through my art. these are just half, keep an 👁️ out….
#photoshoot #tdov #photography #iluvbeinggay
for @henny__oh ’s La La Land ☀️👙🏖️🧊… a magazine in the works of “intimate stories about survival, longings, transformation, & rebirth.”
these postcards = a fantasy about trying to enjoy life in today’s dying world—the warming earth, growing forest fires, droughts, AI data-centers & industrial smokestacks. joy is important resistance but these r also a warning against ignoring the growing red flags & acting as if nothing is happening around us. or something like that…..
starring the lovely @jessxcrosby who i wasted extreme sunburn makeup just on to edit it out for this vintage color look.. i ❤️🔥 you
The château + its surrounding beauty… most of these hand developed by me again in my studio at the residency.
Missing the beautiful château, dusty the cat, the sleepy sweet town of Chaumont, l’église Saint André, the small town cemetery, the otherworldly healing space that was Kathy’s project and Jorge’s lovely music, our visit to the medieval town of Troyes that has 40% of the planet’s stained glass windows in existence….. Missing it all, especially the space to create + being surrounded by artists but here it is immortalized on film !
#35mm #filmphotography #paris #crying
Most of these hand-developed by me… in my studio in the French countryside no big deal….
These were taken in 3 cemeteries: Père-Lachaise, Montparnasse, + Montmartre, along with le temple de la Sybille, & the Seine by the Notre-Dame. i swear i visited many beautiful places besides cemeteries, but i get trigger happy around love immortalized as marble statues…. I miss my lifetime of a few days wandering Paris alone.
Yes there are more film photos and digital ones too la la la
#35mm #filmphotography #photography #paris #oui
the château — honestly it feels like a dream now. what a dreamy + vulnerable + playful + promising + inspiring time. i miss wandering the grounds and waking up to ladybugs on my blankets and bothering my friends in their studios.
i have many more pics on film + of my time alone in paris :)
#digicam #photography
Finally some bts pics / just for fun on 35mm!!!! i had so much fun with this project for @club.rambutan and just saying again: ORDER ISSUE 4 AMYGDALA!!!!!
read my words on this project and living as a queer artist from the south and what i hope for future projects on the CR substack. + gaze upon jess’s beautiful job as the freak in this “story.” + look at my fellow cohort artists’ amazing work. 🎀🐬👛👔🏳️⚧️
#35mm #photoshoot
II - CLUB RAMBUTAN #04
& here we have the rest of my series i’m so proud of! a moment for the props, each one was meticulously chosen with intention toward gender, anatomy, and the queer body. peruse @ your leisure!
once more thank you to jess who did a beautiful fabulous job i <3 you. plz purchase issue 4 of club rambutan at clubrambutan.com/shop 🫀🫀🫀 (and stay tuned for BTS pics…)
#photoshoot #artdirection #tdov #photography
well, 3 of the cameras i brought became unusable but i think i got some alright ones on my little camcorder….
i love my home and the south and the mississippi river and the humidity and the crickets and the sunsets are like no other. my homesickness has been soothed for a bit longer, here are some glimpses
#digicam #photography #memphis #901
