LINK TO FILM: https://youtu.be/P_IkHQu8rj8
(Also link in bio)
Last week was the 50th Anniversary of the end of the American War in Vietnam / the end of Vietnam War / the Fall of Saigon / the Reunification of Vietnam. April 1975 has many meanings to the Vietnamese people, but for me it marks the beginning of my parents journey and life in the United States.
For the longest time I only knew certain facts about them leaving Vietnam and even those were sparse. Only recently did my parents begin opening up to me about their experience and I became more comfortable talking to them about everything (thanks Google Translate). Immigrant children will understand this - most of the time there’s a language gap - the Vietnamese we speak with each other is a language of convenience / survival - my parents and I rarely discuss politics or deep life stuff.
This film really came by way of accident - the genesis actually came from the the question I ask at the end of the film (something I’ve always been curious about) and from there I became more interested in understanding the the interiority / feelings of my parents when they left Vietnam.
I made this film as a tribute to my parents and my family. The last few years have not been easy for us - the pandemic isolated us ( and my dad spent 5 days in the hospital from first wave Covid), a family tragedy a few years ago sucked all the joy out of me (I’m slowly coming back), my grandmother died earlier this year after battling dementia for years and general life burnout with everything going on in this country and the world. Making this film, living with my parents words and the decades old footage of my family has been healing and cliche as it is, I realized my parents and I aren’t so different from each other (the final boss of immigrant kid narratives) - their loneliness / depression / homesickness echoed a lot of what I’ve been through but just never talked to them about. Their dreams are my dreams and my dreams are theirs.
My parent's story is one of millions for Vietnamese refugees, but it's a story that has inspired me and given me purpose as its a story of survival, resilience and strength.
(18 mins, sorry)
The blood is fake, the baby is fine. The woman is an actor and the people behind her are Thai spectators who have never seen a film shoot. I took this on a Holgaroid on Ham Tran’s film Journey From the Fall in the early 2000s. On this day we were re-enacting the chaos happening on April 30th, 1975. Thinking of my parents and all the others who made (and didn’t make) the journey that day and the years that followed. Again, the baby is fine and the blood is fake but the memory and loss is real.
Happy Birthday, Valerie.
In a year where I spent way too much time in my head, thanks for kicking down the door and carrying me away from the safety of my own bubble, as a Scorpios do. I read something somewhere along the lines of we should give people their flowers while we can, so here’s to you. Thank you for being an amazing friend.
Que tengas un día / año / década increíble. Estar presente tanto como sea posible.
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Swipe for details and BTS video / photo (no, not THAT BTS). Inspired by @broobs , a conversation I had with @matthewmichaud about mixed media and the floral origami book I torrented (it’s in Japanese, otherwise I’d give it credit).
#MrsKimNamjoon #MrsJohnMayer #DoYouStan #QueenoftheGroupChats #Photoshop
hey hey, I had written a really long caption about my current state of mind with “everything going on” that beautifully interweaved my thoughts re: 10 months of sobriety (clock resets 12/23, maybe), body dysmorphia (a long/co$tly story) and the helplessness you feel when you can’t help your homies when they’re hurting but then I realized it’s just Scorpio season and nobody wants to read a substack on Insta so instead here are some bike selfies I took over the last couple of weeks on the Griffith Park Mt. Hollywood Trail (along with 2 fantastic photos from my friend Art). The first time I rode this trail I thought I was going to die, but it’s become a weekly ritual; if you time it right you get to see people picnic’ing at Forest Lawn and some beautiful views of the city that makes you believe that this place can come to life again. I couldn’t decide on which cliche to end on so I’ll just give you both 1) Sometimes it’s okay to get off the bike 2) There’s an immense comfort in being around people who get how difficult that hill can be. TL;DR - Add me on Strava and please vote. Hope you’re doin’ well, bruh.
I’ve taken this lamp with me every where I’ve lived - York, Ithaca, Bethesda, Fairfax and Los Angeles. This is the first time I’ve ever attempted to draw it. It was therapeutic in this weird / stressful time of pandemic and societal unease - literally drawing this source of light that’s been with me all my life. Some days are better than others, trying to stay positive but I’m happy to be learning and making mistakes - both on paper and in the bigger scheme of things. Thank you to my friends at @lucta_la and @allyhwallace and the other students for giving me something inspiring (and safe) to do the last few Saturdays. These were Zoom meetings that I actually looked forward to and I didn’t mind leaving my video on for - who woulda guessed.
A few weeks ago, before our world turned weird, I was promoted to blue belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
I try not to flex much but this new abundance of time alone / time for reflection lends itself to an appreciation for things we’ve taken for granted. Thank you to my family at Zenki (past and present) for pushing/ believing in me and to all my friends and family for just being there (trust, it means the word to me). I cant wait to get back on the mat, back into the office, back into the concert halls and see you.
I have a feeling that the last few days / weeks haven’t been easy for many of us. We feel rudderless; its choppy out there and the coastline seems so far out of sight, dipping in and out of the horizon. All I can say - and this is something I’ve said to myself over the years when I felt like I didn’t have the breath, the muscle or the mental energy to make it past the moment - You are stronger than you know (to paraphrase Stevie Nicks). 9/10 times I’ve come out of the other side still standing. We can make it.
Last thing I’ll say, and you can protest this all you want as some of us haven’t bothered with work clothes, shaved, put on lipstick, or were too lazy to put our contacts in . . . but you look nice today.
