in the past year i came back to journaling and diligently recording my dreams, and dreams of me dreamt by others. i took a half day on my birthday to bike to the river and re-read this life-writing by the water. the poem is not free of me growing old; growing old, the poem lives in the political will of this room; in this room my grandmother, your grandmother, their grandmothers, never growing old. i will remember this poem, my dreams, as it feels not just nice or familiar, but real, just as sunlight feels real on my skin after a long season of rain. the poem will happen; when it occurs i will know that i am here in my dreams.

dionne brand - chronicles of the hostile sun

caught the last day of yuchen's show with jenevieve today, toward the end of a week where grief has been slow moving water. dreams are one of those places where we wait and wait for a loved one and a lost one with no guarantee for another encounter.

前進 （柯金源） - Fishermen going out to sea with anti-nuclear banners streaming in the back; burning U.S. + Japanese flags during Taiwan's anti-nuclear movement against the fourth nuclear plant. What happened to this energy?!!!

Over the weekend, went to a Tehching Hsieh 謝德慶 talk with Z, Z's mom, YAM & LOR. The talk teemed with people trying to get a piece of him; during the q&a they tried to ask him about life time and art time. He did not like to answer these questions. The art world is a predatory thing that loves to fetishize precarity and gobble up its tokens; he didn't choose fame, fame was not a guarantee, but somehow he got it and can't bear its weight. I am moved by what he set out to do and also conflicted. What does it mean to waste time for a guy like him? The year following Tehching's NO ART performance, the KMT lifted martial law after 38 years. Tehching, in concluding his last performance: I kept myself alive. I cannot stop thinking about how he got here in the first place, literally jumping ship to defect from military service, under the KMT regime that only saw life and land as things to be extracted from and wrung dry to front a bogus anti-communist war. What irony then to scrape by undocumented in the very empire that has been pulling the strings behind the Cold War geopolitical theater, aiding and abetting the KMT networks surveilling and decimating Taiwanese leftists organizing throughout the U.S.--all contemporaneous to Tehching's arrival. One of the major Taiwanese activists 林孝信 Lin Hsiaohsin who came out of the 保釣 Baodiao movement was kicked out of grad school as a result; like Tehching he also lived undocumented in the U.S., exiled from the ROC and stateless for 13 years. Hsiaohsin said: "We protested [the U.S.] so therefore to apply for their assistance was contradictory." Tehching's stature as an artist becomes a pathway for his documentation but this was never guaranteed. I am sad, seeing him at the center of a show purportedly organized to preserve his legacy, curated by people who favor the sloppy generalizations of liberal humanism and have nothing to say about the material conditions and historical specificity that throw his work into relief, the stakes of keeping himself alive. I think of ND who said that leaving too much room for the reader's projection is a dangerous thing...

FRED MOTEN - slide one is from COLLECTIVE HEAD, slide two is from IT'S NOT THAT I WANT TO SAY which I am reading for @_traceable_relation 's workshop starting Tuesday

ANA PATOVA CROSSES A BRIDGE, Renee Gladman, which @yasminadelemajeed gifted me for either a special or an ordinary occasion (not remembering feels very Renee Gladman). These days I am hanging on by a thread, sleeping bad riding fast eating good crying a lot. Will I make it to the next day... In the meantime @tingrolls reminds me to have fun breakfast...

Paul Virilio, POPULAR DEFENSE & ECOLOGICAL STRUGGLES, lest we forget France ranks among the top three weapons exporter, among US and the Zionist state; and (last slide) transpacific wars waged against communism and the working class the opportunity, markets, and testing grounds for profiteers to develop their lethal technology

Paul Virilio, "Pure Power" section of POPULAR DEFENSE & ECOLOGICAL STRUGGLES

Solmaz interviewed in BOMB by Alina Stefanescu

Going back to LOOK, Solmaz Sharif

I'm at Millay. I love my studio. I didn't know I would know how to spread out!! I didn't know I could take up this whole room!! I finished @yasminadelemajeed 's copy of LAROSE. I go to bed by midnight. Still I wake up at 1 or 4. But. I wake up in time for the morning to be generous. I have vivid dreams about friends. In the morning I tell them they visited me. I see more colors in the grass, the trees. I remember to drink water. Yesterday I made chicken broth for an upset stomach. After coffee I make tea with a set from @ma_la_bby . @ohyunglia took us to the Basilica greenroom, brought back a box of veggies from Gentle Time. @booksnailmail is making peace with Edna. When I write I put on a movie for the ghost(s). Two big tables where I think. I make things. I like to see other people make things. Everywhere around me the trees also make things. Genius filmmaker @rowan_west_haber made out of this world rosemary cookies, pointed out the Shaking Aspens. Across the hall A stuffs clouds in wire cloth. S will share her novel today? C made the best pasta in all our short little lives combined. I sop up sauce with bread. I eat good. I hear every leaf drop. The acorns have a soft sheen. Orange flowers speck the meadow. There I finally read OMEROS, which @magik_dyke shared 2 summers back. Derek Walcott said poetry is worship which is true. Soledad Fatima Muñoz said Marxists taught her to be serious, art taught her to play, the magic happens when you toe the line. I get that. I too am driven by anger. In the pluralized apocalypse the body does not rise. The long slow murder that neoliberalism orchestrates in every corner of the world, the sucking up of vitality and creative force that compels living labor. The artist is a worker in this kind of world. @psycrumbly is taking care of the cats. The whole generous crew at CAAAV picking up my share of work. Spending 4 whole days with @tingrolls @clayruh a whole generous bike ride also with @andysuuutra , so I arrived here not with a whole lot of missing but with a whole lot of love and beauty already. Conversations with @___i_ca @lmao_gan_ma @leninist_dreampop live in me. Really there is no here without all of them, all of that.