Trans 101 with Lex Ryan

A reminder of what Trans 101 is about. 🏳️‍⚧️ Anti-trans violence is fueled by misinformation, fear, and dehumanization. Education alone won’t solve everything — but understanding matters. We offer a space for honest learning: curiosity over defensiveness, growth over perfection, accountability without shame. Reach out if your organization, school, or community is ready to build real understanding.

In a recent #Trans101 session, a participant asked why their kid can’t “just be a kid” and why they should know all this new, trendy vocabulary. To that we respond: giving your children knowledge and terminology to define themselves is letting them just be kids. Restricting them to a binary system of #gender is potentially cutting them off from themselves, and can cause unnecessary pain. * Some of the terminology we use today to describe trans and gender expansive people may be new, but proof of trans existence goes as far back as 5000 B.C. * Gala (or Galli) were priests assigned male at birth who worshipped feminine goddesses, took feminine names, and wore feminine clothing. * Native American Pan-Tribal culture collectively had over 100 different gender expressions and five separate genders were recognized by certain tribes. * In India there is the Hijra. In Polynesia there is the Fa’afafine. In New Zealand there is the Tatatapui. * #Trans is not a trend. It’s an identity that has existed for millennia. Allowing your children to learn about gender in an expansive way is not teaching them something “new.” The binary gender framework has actually been around for far less time than others. But if we don’t look at history (and other cultures) we can believe that the way things are is the way they have always been. * If your child is trans, they are going to be trans whether or not they have access to vocabulary. Preventing your child from fully knowing themselves can cause damage to their feelings about themselves. It can also create an environment in which your child hides things from you for fear of rejection and abandonment. #education #gendereducation #TGX #genderexpansive #dei #deia #deib

🌈 Another successful Trans 101 session today with a reputable media company looking to make their workplace more trans-inclusive. Our conversation was engaging and deep. Proud of all the folks who asked vulnerable questions. These sessions only work with your thoughts, ideas, and curiosities in the mix. I am so grateful to you all. 🏳️‍⚧️ Looking to book Trans 101 for your company, school, non-profit, library group, community group, religious group, or family and friends? Please feel free to reach out via my website (link in my bio) to schedule a short (free) call and discuss your group’s needs. 📞 #trans101 #dei #deib #deia #deiworkshop #lgbtqia #lgbtq #trans #nonbinary #gendereducator #braveconversations

You didn’t go to school already knowing what you would learn. You don’t begin a new relationship knowing everything about the other person. You are not expected to have all of the information about gender when you join a Trans 101 session. In fact we are only available to learn when we admit our uncertainty and when we are open to the discomfort of having preconceived ideas challenged. Most of us have been taught (explicitly and implicitly) that gender comes in two shapes and is defined by sex characteristics (our genitalia and chromosomes). Most of us have internalized that learning on a deeply unconscious level, meaning that we have accepted it as undeniable truth. It cannot be questioned because it is simply fact. Our nervous system is designed to keep us safe from perceived danger. When a core belief we hold is interrogated (or thrown out entirely), our nervous system can perceive that as a threat to its safety, leading us to respond the same way we would if we were being chased by a lion. We experience uncertainty, which leads to discomfort that our nervous system perceives as danger. We often don’t have much of a choice when our bodies respond to stimuli. We don’t choose to be hungry or angry or uncomfortable. We just are. What we do with that discomfort is where our choices lie. Some folks create anti-trans legislation with their uncertainty and discomfort. They perceive a threat to their way of living, and react accordingly. Some folks dig their heels in and get defensive when a trans person tells them they’ve said or done something harmful. Because of the very punitive culture we live in, we often feel that when we’re told we have done something harmful, it means we are harmful or “bad” as a person. Our nervous system knows that we need other people for survival, and if we perceive this feedback in that way (that we are bad), to our nervous system it feels like rejection and abandonment, which will lead to death. So we move very quickly from “I’m being given feedback” to “I’m dying,” and we react accordingly. (Continued in comments)…

What exactly is Trans 101? Let me tell you! Reach out to our team to bring Trans 101 to your family, community, or organization!

We have been taught for many years that the way to deal with difference is to not acknowledge it. We say: “I don’t see color,” or “I don’t see your disability,” or “we are all the same/we are all humans/all lives matter.” It’s well-meaning AND is harmful because it creates an environment in which we don’t see the people in front of us. We can then be led to believe that our experiences are the same when they aren’t. We can be completely ignorant of someone else’s struggle, and then we may not even believe them when they tell us about their experiences. We may jump to defensiveness or denial. We can’t change anything if we aren’t willing to recognize it first. Because we have decided to pretend difference isn’t real, we become uncomfortable when confronted with it. Some of us are in denial about our discomfort. Some of us feel guilt or shame about our discomfort. We created Trans 101 because of this discomfort. We know that most people don’t hate trans people. You just may not be connected to a trans person. You may just not know what you don’t know. You may be curious. We at Trans 101 want to say that discomfort is okay. No one is bad for their feelings of discomfort. We can’t control our feelings. However we can control what we do with our feelings. Trans 101 is a space to bring the discomfort, the questions, the curiosity. If you, your friends, your family, your team, your staff, your community feel discomfort around gender identity, please let Trans 101 be the salve. Let’s be brave and learn how to not just tolerate difference, but celebrate it. #trans101workshop #trans #transgender #gender #lgbtqia

Both/and thinking is a frame of mind which starts from an understanding that multiple—and even contradictory—things can be true at the same time. It is an acknowledgment that we humans have different experiences, and therefore different perspectives, and that one experience is not necessarily more correct or true than another. In conversations about gender (or race or ability) a common problem is that the non-marginalized person (the cis person) does not trust the experience of the marginalized person. [more in comments]

If the question is “how young is too young for a kid to know they’re trans,” we wonder why anyone trusts when a child knows they are cisgender. There are different kinds of transition. There is a medical transition which can involve hormones and/or surgeries. There is also social transition, which can involve going by a new name and/or pronouns. It is important to speak with gender specialists and doctors when making medical decisions, and we aren’t saying that decisions about a child’s body should be made lightly. What we are saying is that gender identity shows itself in children at various ages and the child’s individual disposition, life circumstances, and mental well-being must be taken into account. Some children are ready to transition very young, some will transition later, while some may express a desire to transition which changes into something else later on. Sometimes fear in parents comes from their own feelings of embarrassment, though, rather than a real concern for a child’s well-being. Sometimes it is in the child’s best interest for them to transition. Sometimes a child needs only to socially transition, and we have seen fear in parents arise then, too — fear that the child will change their mind later on. And to that we say: so what? They’ll change their mind about many other things as well. That shouldn’t stop them from exploring and experimenting. The world may be challenging for trans kids. But that’s not a reason to change a child — it’s a reason to change the world. At Trans 101 we encourage any and all questions. We also encourage trusting a combination of one’s child, professionals, the wealth of resources that exists on the internet, and one’s own intuition when making decisions — no one place will have all of the answers.

Part of the reason people struggle to understand why education around transness and gender in general is so important is because they think it doesn’t apply to them. The truth is that everyone has a gender identity of some kind, whether or not you’ve ever thought about it. Cisgender culture is the air that we breathe, which means that cisgender (or cis) folks don’t have to think much about gender and often don’t. By the way, cisgender just means that you identify with the gender you were assigned at birth. At Trans 101 we try to help people understand that narrow gender roles and expectations harm all of us — not just trans people. And understanding gender in a more inclusive and expansive way makes space for ALL OF US to exist more wholly as who we really are — without worrying about being “man enough” or “woman enough” or “trans enough.” #education #gendereducation #transeducation #trans101

The 90-minute Trans 101 workshop has been traveling around the U.S. on Zoom since February 2021. We have worked with schools, libraries, nonprofits, and grassroots organizations. We have worked with folks of all ages, races, genders, and abilities. The space we create is a brave space where everyone is asked to bring their honesty and willingness to listen deeply/engage deeply. No question is off the table as long as there is respect. Please reach out to collaborate! Write to [email protected] ✨

Good morning and Happy Friday, to all you gender curious cuties. My name is Lex Ryan, my pronouns are they/them, and I am the founder and facilitator of the Trans 101 Workshop. We love to create what anti-racist educator Kathy OBear calls a Brave Space (most of us are familiar with the term Safe Space, but at Trans 101 we want to make sure we are not confusing safety with comfort) where participants can bring all of their questions and curiosity and speak them into a space where they will not be judged or punished or canceled. We are not here to call people out but rather to have honest and open dialogue. It is my belief that we are often on the defense in conversation—believing we are right—which makes someone else wrong and also means we don’t hear what they have to say. Trans 101 is an antidote. Bring us to your organization, team, school, or family/friend group! Let’s learn to understand and accept one another fully, and gather tools and resources for moving into a more gender expansive future together! #trans101 #trans #nonbinary #transeducation