John Wall, Los Angeles, CA. 9.14.22
@playerstribune
âFrom the outside, you never wouldâve thought anything was wrong. I wasnât telling my circle anything, even my right-hand guy. I was partying a lot, trying to mask all the pain. I always had my people around me, and when we were chilling at the house, I could just forget. But when everybody goes home at the end of the night, and your head hits that pillow? Thereâs no forgetting. Thereâs no more mask.
One night, after all my homies had left and it was just me sitting there all alone with my thoughts running wild, I got about as close as you can get to making an unfortunate decision and leaving this earth. Only by the grace of God, and the love of my sons, am I still here to tell my story.
The one thing I always held on to, in the darkest times, was the thought of my boys â just the little things, like wanting to be around for their first day of school, or their first vacation. Or wanting them to see their dad play in an NBA game for real, and not just on some highlights from back in the day. Those thoughts held me down during a lot of hard nights. But if Iâm being honest, even the thought of being a father wasnât enough for me to get help. Thatâs how depression lies to you. That devil on your shoulder is whispering to you, âWell, maybe theyâd be better off without you here.â
I was praying to God just to give me the strength to wake up the next morning. Then, one night, my mom came to me in a dream. It was like she was standing right next to me. She looked me in the eyes and said, âYou have to keep going for your children. Thereâs more for you to do on this earth.â
It felt like a sign from God. It took a while, but I eventually reached out to somebody in my circle and said the most important words you can sayâŚ.
âYo! I need some f***ing help!â
Those six words changed my life.â