so a lot of white ladies on this platform are telling me that since Uranus moved into Gemini, all my suffering is over. sounds good to me! I’ve recently discovered Chris Stapleton…is it too late for Tennessee Whiskey to be the song of my summer? What even is time? (I know, I know…) I just ate a ton of egg salad and while I don’t think I’ll projectile vom, something has definitely changed within me. How’s everyone feeling about the state of the world? (Totally, totally...) What’s the over under on blue light glasses? (And does anyone have a link?) This teen girl is staring daggers at me across the A train with dark purple lipstick and a paisley fleece. You better work miss thing. Good luck out there.
Happy friday the 13th or as I call it, “today.” I signed up for a Pilates class (humble brag / cry for help) so this caption will be a race against the clock. It’s 30 degrees after weeks of pure hell and summer is on the horizon so I just wanted to come on here and say ‘MEMBER ME?! I’ve been hibernating. I relegated my IG consumption to my iPad which felt really great until I discovered this new social media ap called “Crossplay.” Anyone else know about this start up? I’m in a deathgrip of sorts, but that’s my kink!
What else is there to say? My soul aches. I still don’t eat gluten. I’m loving xylitol gum. My algorithm can’t stop playing different videos of @siennaspiro singing that really heartbreaking song in different locations so that should tell you everything. (#gayguy) Recently I felt the need to put my phone on airplane mode in order to discuss current events. I’ve been thinking a lot about microneedling and militias. And on top of it I look really bad in hats.
Mercury is out of retrograde so I’m finally able to say thank you. Wow that feels good. Thank you. (I’m resisting the urge to quote that one Alanis Morissette song but is that the one where she’s also nude in the music video? Remember when nudity was powerful? I miss vh1 video wake-up. I’ll never forget hearing this love by maroon 5 for the first time. They slapped when I was 12.) I hope everyone’s turkey was delish. It’s so special to think that in this era devoid of monoculture we’re all tearing into the flesh of a second-class poultry at the same time all across the nation. The things that bind. The binders. Okay here are 20 more images of me and the people in my life who inspire me to say “wait a second where’s my phone? Don’t move. Okay…and…incredible!” I’ll see you guys at the end of December with a similar collection of images and words—if you’re lucky (smirk emoji, devil emoji, kiss emoji)
And so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into posting photo dumps on Instagram. Miss me? I didn’t. I’ve been here, with me. The rumors are true, I am posting again from my iPad. AI is taking over, outmoding all of us and I am just here at a coffee shop reeling from the technological innovations of the early aughts. My iPad is so large and I can interact with my apps with my hands like clay. It’s like every day with my iPad is Ghost and I’m Patrick Swayze and my instagram is the clay and I’m not totally sure who Whoopi is but I’m taking applications (okay it’s suddenly getting sexual…) My mom claims I was named after Patrick Swayze. Rest in power, king. How are we feeling about Cardi B as the voice of the subway? Everytime I hear her I get a jolt of excitement: anything is possible if we want it bad enough! Where is this optimism coming from? Maybe it’s Zohran or maybe its fall or maybe it’s cause they’re playing Ke$ha in the coffee shop…
sorry I didn’t tag everyone, you know instagram and her rules.
oh what you thought that cause it’s the first day of school everyone was done posting massive summer dumps? you thought maybe I had logged off touched grass and found god? you thought the therapy was working? well you’re dead fucking wrong! I’m still on antibiotics for a maybe tick bite I got in Ptown so you BEST believe I’m gonna post about it!
this summer has not been defined by travel or friends or moving to a new apartment or my fledgling mental health or the bump on my head (it’s a pillar cyst!) it’s been defined by the dogged, relentless search for the best curry chicken salad (@eleonorecondo u know the drill, everyone subscribe to her substack.) everywhere I go, I crave that magical mix of chicken, mayo, apricot and curry. and if I’m not craving it I’m buying it anyways because what is hunger? what is too much? people are complaining about declining birth rates but I thought that was the goal back in ap enviro.
I’m posting to procrastinate from the to do list I made this morning. I really should achieve one of those things by the end of the day. but also, let’s be real: the end is nigh. it’s been real western civilization! you’ve made such horrible things (colonialism, etc) and such amazing things (curry chicken salad, etc) but I’m sort of looking forward to feudalism redux, I think I could slay in the clergy
lol jk life is great I have faith in humanity have you seen the hunting wives yet? xoxo
May came in like a bimbo and went out like a bimbo and that’s on period dot (I stand w @chanelayan ) In these images you will see me channeling Britney w the buzz cut, Paris sobbing to candyman, Lindsay running from her chateau bill. In these images you will also see me drunk on life, collapsed in the arms of my nearest and dearest. So lucky am I to have those dear also be near. So lucky am I. (Not a eulogy I swear.) Early morning I wake up to a knock knock knock on the door but it’s actually the hoarder upstairs so I’m moving! (Ty @streeteasy . )I have a lot of frozen meat #protein that I need to consume in the next two weeks if anyone’s in the mood. I wanna go on a vacation and live like a king. Does anyone wanna have me as their house guest? I can trade frozen protein for a bed xx
This is a story about a girl named Lucky. (It’s me I’m the girl (he/him))
After 5 years @lastbimbomusical is here. I couldn’t l-o-l-o-l-o-l-o-l-o-v-e my genius, generous, gorgeous, gracious, glamorous (oohhh, the flossy flossy) collaborators more. There’s so much to say but I’m Mariah-Carey-on-TRL tired so for right now this is the best I can do.
Come see the show…or else
Timelines are colliding, eclipses are eclipsing, western civilization is self immolating and I’m driving around Brooklyn in my sister’s Subaru listening to Room 4 Squares (@johnmayer for life (sexual napalm (immediate shadow ban)))
This morning I started reading a book @mischabreslin recommended 2 years ago and learned the internet is as natural as the root systems of trees. I’m 4 pages in but I finally feel brave enough to say: I love the algorithm. I know, I know, surveillance capitalism is “bad” BUT say hypothetically you were going through something hypothetically “tough.” In that hypothetical scenario, it might be kinda nice to have a sophisticated computer listening to your problems and suggesting modes of coping: podcasts, memes, ai music videos with inspirational quotes, an artist known as “Camila” “Cabello.”
Totally unrelated, I finally began my unpublished memoir. If you know anyone in print media, I have a notes app for them to read. Historically (hysterically) manifesting through this platform has yielded good results. Another argument for algorithmic supremacy and techno capitulation! (“Can’t fight the moonlight” - @leannrimes (I stand with @brandiglanville (@terrydubrow81 how’s it going????)))
