I wrote this after a very difficult session in therapy- it’s been a challenge working on parts of myself that my mind has protected so ferociously. Access is limited, but it is the work. And building honest, beautiful friendships and connections makes it bearable and in the long term, fruitful. That is the hope.
My first Blender scene: my grandmother’s house
A 150-year-old structure that stood quietly among newer, cleaner buildings, surviving in ways that only make sense in hindsight.
It sheltered people, generations of cats and other animals, and small livelihoods while barely supporting itself.
Recently demolished and sold, this is my first attempt at rebuilding it from memory.
Ive almost lived three decades and I like myself more every year!
But these Birthdays have always been little tangled bastards! The night before is always the hardest, I struggle to show up for myself. I feel like I’m preparing for a war, depriving myself of love before it’s gone. I wallow and yearn quietly (sometimes loudly) and somehow the people who love me show up. They always do in their own ways. This year I got everything I wanted: time with friends, quality time with my partner, love from my best friend, an acknowledgement of my new endeavour.
But for all the work I’ve been doing over the years to untangle, this is a toughie that I really should like to work on. And the work goes against every little part of my gut. There is no war after all. I can put my sword down, and return home to myself. And in that, I will return to everyone. It won’t have to be this hard. 💜❤️
I made some smol Greek food, based on the still by @matriarcheats . I wish I clicked a photo of the bread before the toppings went on. So much time was spent on the texture hehe.
“Why?” The devil on my shoulder asks me every time I see how much time has passed, with me hunching over the table like a prawn, working on little clay food. But I have no fucking clue. I just like it. I guess. For now.
@stillherestilllife #stillherestilllife
Take on this week’s photo by @__dennis__dennis . The photo reminded me of this 90s Japanese show I’m currently watching, Beachboys. A cheesy show by the beach, where it’s always summer and 90s romantic soundtracks are used unironically. (Stoked that @stillherestilllife is back)
Ps: experimenting with @truegrittexturesupply brushes, and it really hits the textural needs spot 😌
