I got this tattoo when we were doing our Chicago stop in December of last year. I was in a very dark place at the time. One day, I had a panic attack in the middle of a show and had to exit the building. This had been after months of being in a depressive state, spiraling out of control most days even though I tried to keep a cool exterior.
And then these words came from a speech, one that @violadavis made. And this sentence shifted something in me.
āI am the love of my life.ā
I had never heard those words in my life. I didnāt know that was a possibility, to be the love of my own life. And the simplicity of the message is what really turned a light switch on in my mind. And instantly knew I had to create a physical reminder of those words so that I can see it everyday. I put it on my left arm because I tend to sleep on my left side and so when i wake up, the first thing i see is that message.
I remember at the time that I got it, I didnāt believe those words fully. But slowly over the next few months I started finding myself again. It took realigning my resources and not compromising who I am for anyone. My queer community on tour really helped me get here. My chosen family. Days when I was out of it, I was brought back to earth by the gentle hands of my siblings here. This tour taught me many things, almost too many LoL. But what I am leaving with is a stronger, deeper connection to my highest self.
I also learned that I am not perfect by any means. I still have toxic behavioral patterns that I use and arenāt healthy. And Iām learning to unwind those; it takes time to release emotional patterns that you THINK are protecting you. I donāt say this to spill my tea or overshare, but to bring light to this message that began the process of discovery for me. And I hope these words (and speech, if you swipe left) will clear away the clouds for just a second, so you can the beauty inside you.
Peace and love, Ishā¤ļø
3/3 I know it seems a little weird to share these stories about my deceased grandparents and then drop this announcement but in a lot of ways itās the only way I can share this news. Because I see clearly now that the work they put in and love they gave me allowed me to be here today. To truly pursue what I love. They are my history, my pillars. I am nothing without them. Thank you to @andjulietbway for seeing me. The process to get here taught me to trust myself, listen to that voice, listen to little Ismaelito belting out on the M.A. Milam stage in Hialeah (if you know, you know). I canāt wait to take this fun ass show on the road and spread the love across this country. Because we really need some of that right now. VAMOS!!!
2/3 My Abuela Mima immigrated to NY in 1970, with my mom in her arms and my aunt in her belly, with the only clothes she had being the ones on her body. A woman alone in this city, grinding to provide for her kids, nestling them with her makeshift meals and songs. She was a seamstress, an artist. She understood the intricacies of a garment, what it takes to clothe yourself. She made most of her own clothes. She made cafecito tooā¦a lot of it. Her cafecito reviving the tired souls that would come to her house for a tacita, leaving energized and loved and with a little bit of chisme. Right before this picture was taken, I remember looking at her sitting in her room feeling this weight in my chest as I was about to leave to board a plane to NY. My spirit told me to take a photo with her, something told me this might be the last time. While her novela plays in the background, my brother snaps the photo, I feel like warmth of her skin. I always joked and gave her a big wet kiss on the cheek like my grandpa used to give me. Every time I did that she would chuckle with remembrance for the man she once loved. I walked away from her room with my back to her, tears welling up in my eyes knowing the possibility of death but the hope to see her again. She passed away May 21, the day after Cubaās Independence Day. Her transition wasnāt an easy one to experience but one that was necessary to be felt. I see her everywhere. In the birds, in the orchids, in my nieceās eyes, in my mom and aunt, in myself. I am reminded that energy is never destroyed. It lives on in this realm and within us. Her lessons and love are the roots of my familyās tree, every branch reaching further into the sky.
1/3 When I was back home in Miami a few weeks ago, my mom asked me to go get the beach chairs we have in our backyard closet. I opened the door and immediately was hit with a wave of grief, nostalgia and joy when I saw this little cooler with a sign taped on it, advertising āpeanuts for $1ā. This was my grandpaās street vending container, where he held these handmade cones filled with Planters peanuts. I would sit with him some nights and help him make the cones with paper and this paste her made that would act a glue to hold it together, nestling this afternoon snack you pick up on the side of the road on a hot day. He stood in the sun for hours selling these peanuts, bringing his earnings home and putting them in a metal cookie tin. I still remember the design of it. When I saw this a few weeks ago, it reminded me how lucky I am to do what I love because it wouldnāt be possible without the sacrifices that my family has made to allow me to be an artist. From my mom working three jobs at the same time to get her kids through college, to my dad breaking his back at the postal service, to my grandma in her 70s working at a foster care facility. They are the pillars lifting me up constantly. My Abuelo was part of that unit. Seeing the joy heād have when he had a good day in the street and he could give us a nice birthday present. That metal cookie tin held much more than just money. It held hopes and dreams, a better life for those who came after him.
Tuhā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦I had to take a min to process GagaLab in NYC. I had one of the hardest times being in a dance space not because of the forms and moves we were working with but unlocking the channels in my body to allow the forms to simply exist. This vocabulary exposed me to the POWER that I hold in MY body. My week in GagaLab affirmed to me that I am a dancer. And so are you. You just have to be open to be possibilities of what your body can do. I found myself surprised quite a few times during the week because my body was doing things it had never done before. And I am so grateful to have found that. Thank you to @shoylibeesh@billybarry@ben_green for sharing their genius. GO TAKE A GAGA CLASS. THEY DO ONLINE TOO. @gaga.people.dancers š
I canāt even begin to express how I feel about this show. I remember back in March of this year when this production was an idea, a dream. And to finally see it come to life was and is one of the greatest joys and privileges of my life. Thank you @acadia_grace for leading our troupe to the light. Infinite amount of love to my troupe @ch3lseacalfo@lukey_klein@tesseriley@annaleinegrin@parker.l.robertson@_jason_sanchez_
Thank you to our phenomenal stage management team for helping us make this a reality @lindsey_m_cope@irlmoss@elizabeth_furman
Thank you to the fantastic designers who materialized the vision.
Thank you to the audiences for engaging in this show and breathing life into this piece.
I am going to miss this play with all of my body and soul but I know that it will live on forever. Thank you thank you thank you.
Peace and love yāall ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
This is a clip of āAle Briderā from the show, my original choreography:)
Hey yall!
This is my dancing reeeeeel. Just to give yāall a true taste of some of my dancing. It includes some of my own original choreography and work by the wonderful, inspiring @alblackstonechoreo . I am so blessed to be a vessel for dance! Catch this and more on my YouTube and website :)))
Had a mini movement sesh today. Iām emotional. I am actually joyful. Iām going to sleep tonight with love and joy in my heart. I am going to Asheville this weekend. The last time I went there I had a horrible time. I am so excited to redefine that place for myself. I have been redefining a lot recently. I invite you all to do the same. So much love to you all ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
