This is our garden right now. An hour ago, it was scattered across the garden in all directions and heaps. The boy child took an interest in bikes (and ramps, hence the wood.pile too!) this time last year and he's a feckin magpie!!!
He's good at what he does and spends hours and hours online looking at how-to videos and put them into hours of work in said garden.
However, its gotten out of control and it was time to step in, after asking for weeks to clear it.
We want to do seedlings and spend some time in the garden relaxing, but all it did/does is cause stress and overwhelm.
So.... tell me ya kid is on the spectrum..... without telling ya kid is on the spectrum!!
#neurospicy
#hyperfocus
#scrapyardchallenge
So, update time.
It's been *counts on fingers* 9 months on Testosterone.
9 months already!
In some ways its flown and in others its dragged like hell.
However, effects are now very noticable! ☺️
Facial hair is now definitely a thing. It's become my favourite new figet toy! 🤣
I'm lucky that T has taken a fast approach with me. Via forums etc, I read that some people struggle to get past peach fuzz after years of being on HRT.
My Son joked with me that at this point I now have more facial hair than he does, and he's miffed! 😉
It's a double edged sword. Some people welcome it, some people frown upon it, some people say nothing at all. However, I'm happy with it, and I have to keep repeating that to myself every day.
Transphobia is now a real part of my life. From looks in the shops, to conversations with people who look anywhere but at me.
And that's their issue, not my issue.
Anyhooo.... updates....
Yes facial hair is a go.
Body hair is increasing, all over. (And its heaven to not shave my legs, not that I did it much before!!)
I have noticable hair loss on my head. The front and top is thinning considerably. I'm a little paranoid about this, and may be something I talk to my endocrinologist about next check up. However, that's what hats were invented for!
My voice continues to deepen. Mornings it's actually quite humorous how deep it is. I don't have to try and lower my tones anymore, they're quite natural. And I adore it! Its hard to sing though. Never know where in the scale I should be!
IYKYK continues to change, which is quite a challenge at times. 🤐
Oh..... and new racoon tattoo!! *squeak*
#translivesmatter🏳️⚧️
#hrt
#testosterone
#transjourney
#nonbinary
This was us yesterday.....
@mumtdumpty@mumptymakes@_unitydesigns_@queer.made
We were honoured to have a stall at @transpridebristol community day.
A double edged sword.... we did amazingly well, lots of people complimented our art, lots of people bought our art......
But now we have 3 weeks until our next event and have to work non stop to replace items!! 🤣🤣
The craft thing has been our dream goal since before we met, and if you've known me a while, you know I've sold artwork before, under a different branding, but this is on a whole new level!! Its also time sensitive, so I need to get my ass in gear!!!
Thank you for all your support, whether you've commented, shared, or bought something. I am eternally grateful for the chance to follow a dream xx
#translivesmatter🏳️⚧️
#queermade
#dreamscomingtrue
@mumtdumpty
Happy International women's day!!
This is my drop dead gorgeous woman, my Fiancée, soon to be my wife. She is my calm on crazy days (Did I just say 'calm'??!! Wtaf!) And my chaos aaaaallll the time! 🤣
She knows me like no other human. And apparently still loves me!
She faces her own battles every single day, but still shows up for others when she can.
She has a wonderfully crazy sense of humour that has us in fits of laughter at 2am. (Isn't that when the *best* conversations happen?)
She's talented, but won't admit it.
She's strong and won't believe it.
She's my soulmate and knows it.
My Bean, I love you. From Stardust to Oblivion. Always x 🥰
Dont take everything online as how it actually is.
When I was losing weight, I documented it. I was very candid and honest. I struggled. Alot. I fell on and off the wagon like I was on public transport! But I spoke about the good and bad. I spoke about my highs, and my desperate lows.
This journey, these posts, may be about a different journey, but I vowed to tell the truth. The good, the bad and the ugly.
Alot of posts we see have wonderful pictures, of a lost soul on one side and wonderful smiles on the other. There's no journey, only snippets. Its like they went to bed unhappy and woke up filled with joy and accomplishment.
I may overshare, I may embarrass myself with a bit too much information or detail, but you know what..... if ONE person reads my posts and feels less alone, or more seen, or more understanding of their body and journey, then I really don't give a flying shit about others' view of me.
And so, I will continue to journal, to share, to explain my experiences. I will keep it real. Its not all sunshine and roses, sometimes its fucking dark, and hard work to get through the days.
But I'm here, and doing it. Slowly, but surely.
Its been 7 months on T.
I'm changing. Alot. Physically and mentally.
Always with the beanie!! Lol!!
I love a good beanie, nowadays I wear one because the bonce is getting a bit sparce! Every time I drain the bath there's loads of hair in the bottom. The first time I thought it was from a recent haircut, but its become very apparent its not. 🤔
Anyhoo, its a side effect I was prepared for and its manageable with a beanie, right? Any excuse to expand my collection!
Its kind of weird, hairloss on my head and hair growth everywhere else! Legs, arms, bum, face, tummy, chest. It's strange but affirming that the HRT is doing its thing.
My T levels were stupidly low last time I was tested, (3.4 from 43.7) a conversation with my endocrinologist, and the doctor, meant that I have moved my jabs from 4 weekly to 3 weekly.
Things had started to reverse slightly, so I knew everything was a little skew wiffy. My voice had raised in pitch, my moods were mixed (more than they usually are, the joys of bipolar. 🙄) other things were reversing too, and I wasn't pleased.
Increasing the dose interval seems to have things slightly back on track, I am up to 10.7 and changes have re-commenced.
My facial hair is now visible to everyone and I've gained a few double glances. I'm cool about this. I wanted the changes that take me away from femininity, that was the whole goal.
One day I'd like to have someone confused as to my assigned gender and then I'll have a little chuckle. 😉
One thing that bothers me, is that, now I am visibly taking part in the gender-fuckery pool, is how this affects me within the trans community. Where we are actively being hunted and persecuted on a daily basis. Where we are wrong or confused about who we are.
Where we are made to appear like we have an ulterior motive for being who we are, that we've 'chosen' our path in life.
Trans people 'chose' to come out to their family, to the world, but its NOT a choice about who they have ALWAYS been inside.
As a non-binary person, I am left somewhat on the sidelines within parameters that the government are trying to implement. It makes me all colours of sad, but also leaves me a little confused where I belong.
So, in a couple of days, it'll be 5 months since I started T.
A few things have changed since updating last.
One thing that hasn't is how unbelievably oily my skin is still!! Grrr!!
I'm aware my face is changing, my facial hair is now veeeery noticeable.
This is a strange concept for some people, it's been greeted differently by many. I'm happy with not shaving it off now, so that's how it is. I just have to roll with the opinions, spoken, or not.
I'm aware that changes are happening reasonably quick. But this just means my body loves testosterone, I guess!!
I'm awaiting my blood test results from my midway point of injections. (They have to be taken the day my jab is due, before its given, so they record the lowest "trough" of levels.) I was due the 3rd of 6 doses given to me. It will show that the injections work as well as the gel.
My voice continues to deepen. I have a snotty cold at the moment, which lowers it another notch. This is all well and good, and alleviates my main dysphoria.... however, trying to sing familiar songs in the car has become almost impossible, when my voice cracks completely when I *sing* a little higher!! (Much to everyone's amusement!)
I have been allowed shared care with my GP, so that's a weight off my mind. This means I can have my blood tests and prescriptions with the GP and just have check ins with the endo, when needed.
I also had my psych appointment, which was a follow on from the one 3 months ago. She has signed off for the final part and I am now allowed to find a surgeon for top surgery.
I am unsure how long this will take as I have a small amount of weight to lose to get me under the BMI required, but hopefully it won't take too long.
My dysphoria lately has been crippling. The more T is changing me, and I'm presenting differently, the more I want my chest to look flat. Most of my clothing doesn't fit/look how I'd like and it upsets/frustrates me beyond belief. My taste in clothing has changed because of this, and I'm hoping once I've had surgery that it'll return to things I like.
Things around me may be shit right now, for various reasons, but the gender stuff is going amazingly.
#transgender #nonbinary #hrt
The next chapter.
So, 3 months in.
The endocrinologist agreed to prescribe me testosterone in the form of self administered sustanon IM.
Its 4 weekly injections.
Its been a little strange to manage, mentally, if I'm honest.
Using gel daily kept me in control. It reassured me that my T levels were consistant.
Moving to 4 weekly feels like my control is taken, and I have to wait months before I get my levels tested again.
The positive of this is that I don't have to worry about transference of T to Kate. She is the *last* person who needs that.
In other news.....
My frame of mind is shifting this past couple of weeks.
As said before, in the past I've accepted people's judgement, and taken it to heart, and acted accordingly by people pleasing and remaining the same or changing to fit in.
I'm changing. Physically. I'm changing.
My face is changing.
My waist line is disappearing.
My voice has dropped.
One of the most things that can be judged is my facial hair.
To start off with I shaved it off. To fit in. To stop judgement. To stop myself feeling out of place in a world that had expectations of how people should look/behave/do.
This past 10 days or so, Ive left it. I haven't shaved it off. To start off with it wasn't noticeable, but now it is.
I'm kind of seeing how it feels. How *I* like it.
Its not about easing others' view of me, making *them* feel comfortable.
This is *my* journey.
This is not done by choice.
It's done in order to survive, to live, to be authentic, to be who I've always meant to be.
Judge me.
Don't judge me.
I. Don't. Care.
#testosterone #HRT #transition #journal #thisisme #nonbinary #outandproud #selflove
12 weeks of being on T.
This drug has pretty much ruled my life for almost 3 months. In a good way for the most part.
Changes....
Stupidly oily skin. This is causing acne, but its not unmanageable, just bloody annoying.
Changes in body hair. Previous areas, arms/legs have become thicker, darker. Noticeable hair on previously un-hairy areas, chest/face.
Facial shaving is now a daily need.
Voice has noticeably dropped now. When I started T I made a conscious effort to relax my voice to lower it a little, whereas now I don't need to do that, its just natural. Mornings and evenings when I'm mellow it becomes even lower.... and I can reach lower notes when singing along to songs.
Muchio change in the IYKYK aspect.
My waist is disappearing a little, as fat redistributes in different places.
Muscle definition seems to be a thing too, which I wasn't expecting so soon. Upper arms, thighs and calves have visibly changed a bit.
And so, I had my 3 month review with my endocrinologist. I have been moved from daily gel to 4 weekly injections. My T levels were well above that of a Cis Guy, so they need bringing back a little. It seems testosterone agrees with my body very well and it sponged it all up!! 🤣
Injections are self administered, so no reliance on any appointments or specialists needed.
It also means the risk of transference to Kate is out of the equation. 😊
I had my appointment for top-surgery sign off with the psych.
She believes that I am a definite candidate for surgery, there's no worry about that. The fact I'm just starting new MH meds and my BMI is too high, she's rearranged a review in December.
By then I'll be stable (is there such a thing? 🤣) on MH drugs, and hopefully my BMI will be lower.
Im going to research surgeons who will do surgery on larger folks, as I am sure not every surgeon works on BMI-32-or-under. 🤔
And so, that's me!!
12 weeks on T.
Whoop!!
#hrt #trans #nonbinary #testosterone #iamwhoiam #imakenoapologies #translivesmatter #transition #nochoice #selflove #transjournal
8 weeks on T.
Personal life has been a smidge crazy, (read as : A shit-show!) so not been able to update as much as I wanted to.
So... a whole 8 weeks.
Changes.
My voice has dropped awesomely well. Especially in the morning, and late at night.
My Son noticed it the other day, so that was quite affirming.
Singing in the car has been hilarious as my voice cracks, (and it hurts 😥) when happily singing to a song, and forgetting I need to be in a lower key.🤪
This is/was my main reason for starting T, and it seems to be doing its job! 😊
Whether or not that'll continue, remains to be seen.
Oily skin is still a thing, I hope that will level out at some point, because it drives me mad!
And spots in my hair annoy the hell out of me.
I've had a couple of spots on my face, but they've gone down on their own, so not left any marks, thankfully.
"Iykyk stuff" has been a thing too. Quite significantly.
Facial hair is also happening. Even though I thought it'd take much much longer.
I've read about people who have waited a couple of years for it to come in, but I'm at a stage where I have to shave it every day. Its mainly on the middle portion of my neck, and my lower chin. Also a shadow above my lip, so that comes off too.
Before T, I had maybe 4 or 5 annoying hairs that I'd pull out maybe once a month. Now its too many, and they're dark.
I also have darker hairs running across my chest, like in a T shape. These are soft and not causing too much issue, as I can only see them when close up.
I haven't seen much fat redistribution, although, to be honest, I'm not sure what to look for when that changes, so I may have to research that one fully.
Appetite has risen a bit, and Im finding myself hungry a fair amount. Im trying to find healthy options, but that doesn't always happen!
Mental health has been up and down, but I'm not sure whether thats pre-existing issues or the hormone changes.
My MH meds are changing soon, so Ill see how that works out.
So, yeah, 8 weeks in and lots has happened.
I'm excited for the future.
#testosterone #nonbinary #HRT #trans #transition #journal #translivesmatter🏳️⚧️
Lemmie tell you a lickle story.....
Back in April 2023, Kate and myself had our first irl date.
We went to a little Costa, corner table. We chatted about anything and everything. Most amazing. 🥰
One our conversations was about our passion for crafting. Our common goal was to set up a queer cafe. Foods, drinks, queer and safe..... with a craft element, in whatever capacity.
We did a day-dreamy business plan as we laughed about what we wanted should the opportunity arose.
Over the last 16 months, we've spent equal amounts of time physically crafting, and swapping ideas and ideals, of genius ideas for items, of plans for the future if it was ever feasible. (Alot of those have been at 2am, wide awake and brains buzzing! 🤪🤣🤣)
I've always dreamt, and had many attempts at starting a little craft business, but with little to zero support.
Today, both of our dreams were beginning to be recognised thanks to @bristolalternativemarket
We've spent our time, since we left at 4pm looking at each other and going "WE DID IT!!!"
The fact people have paid money for our art is mindblowing!!
So, yeah, exciting times.
We both have renewed enthusiasm, after both of us have mentally and verbally ripped ourselves apart with low confidence, no belief that *anyone* would entertain "buying our shit" and disbelief that we could ever pull off doing a market, and filling a 6 foot table with stock!
And so, my Bean, my stardust, my biggest supporter in every life adventure.... @mumptymakes@mumtdumpty
WE
DID
IT.
And not only did we do it, we smashed it!!!
I am so eager to see where we take this.
I love you.
#trader #market #bristolalternativemarket #crafty #dreams #iloveyou❤️
