We have to stop teaching girls to be “nice” at the expense of themselves.
“Just ignore it.”
“Kill them with kindness.”
No.
We need to teach them how to speak.
How to say:
“I don’t like that.”
“Please don’t talk to me that way.”
“I need space.”
Because here’s the truth no one explains:
Speaking up isn’t about controlling the other person.
It’s about getting yourself out of self-betrayal.
And once you’ve done that?
You don’t need to replay it.
You don’t need to overthink it.
You don’t need to keep pouring energy into it.
You can let it go—cleanly.
Not because it didn’t matter.
But because you showed up for yourself.
That’s the part we skip.
We teach silence…
and then wonder why women ruminate, overanalyze, and carry everything.
Try this instead:
• Say the thing (clearly, not aggressively)
• Don’t over-explain or justify
• Let their reaction be theirs
• Remind yourself: “I handled that”
• Then consciously release it (stop replaying it)
This is how you raise a girl who trusts herself.
This is how you become a woman who protects her energy.
Kindness is not silence.
And peace doesn’t come from avoidance.
It comes from honesty—and the ability to move on after.
Hi! My name is Gina King and coach children, tweens, teens and adults. And I LOVE IT. ❤️
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Each client is so special to me and that’s why I create each session individually based on what my client needs and their goals.
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There are no cookie-cutter sessions with me. I work hard every week to prepare a session for a child or an adult that is going to give them skills, strategies, and support for whatever goal they are going to accomplish.
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Each session is 1:1. For children and teens I meet for 45 minutes and then I work with their parents for 15 minutes. This way we are all on the same page and the same team. 💛💛
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It’s so important for parents to know ways to model and support their child.
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For my adults each session is 60 minutes.
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There are daily check-ins and I am coaching you every day. It’s my pleasure. ❤️You’re never bothering me and I tell my clients, “I’m here. I got you.”
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I’m virtual! So you can live anywhere and still work with me!
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I was a teacher for 15 years
I am certified in Child Psychology
I am a certified Life Coach
I am a certified Confidence Coach
I am a certified Gender Equality Coach through the UN Certification program
I am a certified CrossFit Coach
I am a Michigan State Alumni! Go Green!
I love animals, sunsets, and traveling.
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And I am a human. I’ve been through a lot and have learned so much that I want to devote my time to helping other children and adults know their worth, have confidence to go after their dreams, break free from anxiety and social anxiety, break patterns, and learn how to effectively communicate in relationships, as well as heal body image.
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Learn more by going to my website: ginakingcoaching.com
Email: [email protected]
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📸 @m_sessions
One of the most important things we can teach our children is how to acknowledge another human being.
Not everyone has to be your friend.
Not everyone will be your person.
And that’s okay.
But that doesn’t mean we ignore people.
It doesn’t mean we pretend someone doesn’t exist because we don’t feel like engaging with them.
A simple hello.
Eye contact.
A smile.
A quick acknowledgment.
These small moments matter more than we realize.
When a child learns to acknowledge another person, they are learning something deeper than manners.
They are learning respect.
They are learning that every person has dignity.
They are learning that just because someone isn’t in your inner circle doesn’t mean they are invisible.
In a world where people often feel overlooked, excluded, or dismissed, raising children who can simply acknowledge others is powerful.
You don’t have to be friends with everyone.
But you can always be kind enough to see them.
And that’s a lesson that will carry them far beyond childhood.
#Lifecoachforkids
Your daughter being suddenly dropped by a friend group is not “just girl drama.”
It’s rejection. It’s confusion. It’s grief. And for many girls, it becomes betrayal trauma.
Because one day she felt safe… and the next day she’s questioning:
“What did I do wrong?”
“Why wasn’t I enough?”
“Can I trust people?”
As parents, we have to stop minimizing these experiences just because they happen young.
Her nervous system doesn’t know the difference between “middle school drama” and emotional abandonment. It feels unsafe either way.
So what do we do?
First, validate the pain instead of rushing her past it.
Not: “You’ll find new friends.”
Not: “Ignore them.”
But: “That was really hurtful. I understand why this affected you.”
Feeling seen is what helps shame loosen its grip.
Second, help her rebuild trust with herself before she rebuilds trust with others.
Girls who experience social betrayal often start shape-shifting to avoid rejection. Teach her to ask:
“Do I even feel safe with these people?”
“Can I be myself around them?”
“What are MY boundaries?”
Confidence isn’t built by being accepted by everyone.
It’s built by learning you don’t abandon yourself to belong.
Third, teach nervous system regulation, not just social skills.
When girls get excluded, many become hypervigilant in future friendships. Overthinking texts. Reading every facial expression. Panicking about being left out again.
Help her regulate her body:
movement
breathwork
journaling
safe conversations
time away from social media
experiences that remind her she is loved and secure
A regulated nervous system helps her form healthier friendships later instead of trauma-bonded ones.
Fourth, teach her how to use her voice.
Not aggressively. Not defensively.
But clearly.
Girls need to know they are allowed to say:
“That hurt me.”
“I don’t deserve that.”
“I’m not chasing people who are unkind.”
Sometimes the greatest lesson isn’t how to keep friends.
It’s learning not to betray yourself trying to.
And if you’re a parent walking your daughter through this right now…
I hope you know your response matters more than y
If your daughter grows up believing disrespect has no consequences… she may begin to normalize it in her future relationships.
That doesn’t mean parents should shame, control, or silence their children.
But boundaries matter.
The way we allow people to speak to us becomes part of what feels familiar, acceptable, and ‘normal.’
When disrespect is constantly ignored, laughed off, or excused, children can unintentionally learn:
• love and disrespect can coexist
• boundaries are optional
• accountability isn’t necessary
• emotional safety doesn’t matter
Healthy correction isn’t about control.
It’s about teaching self-respect, communication, emotional regulation, and relational health.
The goal isn’t raising a “perfect” daughter.
It’s raising a daughter who knows how she deserves to be treated — by others and by herself.
A lot of kids were taught how to be liked…
but not how to recognize unhealthy behavior.
There’s a difference between being kind and abandoning yourself to keep the peace.
I think we need to stop teaching children that discomfort should always be ignored in the name of “being nice.”
Discernment matters.
Boundaries matter.
Paying attention to how people make you feel matters.
You can be compassionate and still protect yourself.
We should be teaching kids that kindness and self-respect can exist together.
What’s something you wish more kids were taught early about friendships, relationships, or self-worth?
One thing I would never let my teenage daughter believe:
That she has to abandon herself to belong.
Not in friendships.
Not in relationships.
Not in school.
Not anywhere.
I would never want her shrinking herself to make other people comfortable.
Over-explaining herself just to be understood.
Ignoring her intuition to keep the peace.
Or believing her worth depends on being liked, chosen, included, or accepted by everyone.
Because girls who learn to betray themselves early often grow into women who struggle to trust themselves later.
And honestly, one of the most important ways we teach girls self-worth is by modeling it ourselves.
By having boundaries.
By speaking to ourselves with kindness.
By not tolerating disrespect.
By letting them see that being loved should never require losing yourself.
The goal isn’t to raise girls who are perfect.
It’s to raise girls who know who they are.
How to teach your daughter to evaluate behavior instead of internalize it
Most girls are taught to ask:
“What did I do wrong?”
“Why are they mad at me?”
But a more powerful question is:
“What is their behavior showing me about who they are?”
I was working with a girl last night who was getting the silent treatment from a friend.
Instead of labeling the other girl as “mean” or “rude,” we did something different:
We wrote down the behavior.
Not opinions. Not judgments.
Just facts.
• Ignoring her
• Silent treatment
• Eye rolling
Then we evaluated it.
Not:
“She’s a brat.”
But:
“Huh… I wonder why she treats people like that.”
“That’s not the kind of friendship I want to be part of.”
We stayed curious, not critical.
Because behavior is communication.
Her behavior showed us:
She’s not okay.
And more importantly—
This isn’t something I caused or need to fix.
That shift changes everything.
Instead of:
“Are you mad at me?”
It becomes:
“Hey, are you okay?”
And even then—
It’s not your responsibility to manage someone else’s emotions.
4 ways to teach this:
1. Separate behavior from identity Focus on what they did, not who they are.
2. Write the facts No labels. Just observable actions.
3. Get curious, not judgmental “I wonder what’s going on with them?”
4. Decide what you want to be part of You don’t have to stay in dynamics that don’t feel good.
I’ll share in a future video how we handled setting a boundary in this exact situation with an 11-year-old.
But this is where it starts:
Helping girls stop blaming themselves for other people’s behavior.
Sometimes it’s not obvious.
It’s the friend who:
– shares her secret with a boy
– talks about her behind her back
– leaves her out and acts like it’s no big deal
– or suddenly feels… different to be around
Here’s what your daughter actually needs to learn in that moment:
One. Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean you trust them the same.
Trust isn’t automatic after it’s broken. If she chooses to stay in the same space, the relationship changes—and that’s okay.
Two. You can be kind without being close.
She doesn’t need to create drama. But she also doesn’t need to pretend nothing happened.
Three. Boundaries aren’t punishment—they’re protection.
Pulling back, sharing less, and choosing distance is how she learns self-respect.
Four. Pay attention to how you feel around people.
If something feels off, uncomfortable, or different—that’s not something to ignore. That’s awareness.
Not every friendship is meant to continue the same way.
But every experience can teach her how to trust herself more.
Most girls aren’t actually taught self-respect.
They’re taught how to be liked.
And it sounds harmless at first—
“be nice,”
“don’t cause problems,”
“just ignore it.”
But over time, that messaging turns into something else:
Stay quiet when something feels off.
Don’t speak up if it might make someone uncomfortable.
Keep the friendship—even if it doesn’t feel good.
Work harder to be included instead of asking if you even want to be.
That’s how girls slowly learn to disconnect from themselves.
And the hard part is…
this doesn’t just stay in childhood.
It shows up later as:
overthinking everything you said
struggling to set boundaries
tolerating behavior you know isn’t right
feeling responsible for how other people feel about you
So when we talk about “confidence,”
we can’t just tell girls to believe in themselves.
We have to teach them something more specific:
How to recognize when something doesn’t feel right
How to trust that feeling instead of override it
How to speak up, even when it’s uncomfortable
How to walk away without needing everyone to agree
That’s what self-respect actually looks like.
And it’s not built in one big conversation—
it’s built in small moments, over and over again,
when they’re learning how to respond to real situations.
Being liked will come and go.
Self-respect is what protects her in every room she walks into.
This is the moment girls start betraying themselves:
“It’s easier to be liked than to be myself.”
And most of the time, no one notices.
Because it doesn’t look dramatic.
It looks like going along.
Staying quiet.
Keeping the peace.
But that moment matters.
Because every time a girl overrides what she thinks or feels to stay accepted…
she disconnects from herself a little more.
So here’s what to teach instead:
Pay attention to the moment you feel yourself shrinking.
That hesitation.
That urge to stay quiet when something feels off.
Pause there.
And ask:
“What do I actually think or feel right now?”
Then practice responding from that place—
not perfectly, not aggressively, just honestly.
That’s how self-trust is built.
Not by being louder.
Not by fitting in.
But by staying connected to yourself in the moments it would be easier not to.
But that’s not why it continues.
It continues because it works.
It gets attention.
It gets reactions.
It shifts the social dynamic.
And when that happens—even subtly—it reinforces the behavior.
So telling your daughter
“she’s just insecure”
or
“just ignore it”
is incomplete.
Teach her this instead:
Not everything deserves a reaction.
You can be direct without being emotional.
And you can leave any space where you’re not respected.
That’s not weakness.
That’s self-respect.
