One year ago, atop Mount Rosea in the Grampians, watching the first sunrise of 2023 with Alex.
Climbing up through the darkness on New Years morning to a magical wonderland, it really felt like we’d stumbled into a dream.
I'd done well in my marketing biz and was gearing up to launch an agency and record an album. We had 4 more weeks of traveling around Melbourne and Tasmania to soak up together.
12 months later and everything has changed.
Alex and I split and went out seperate ways. I let go of the agency idea, hurt my ears recording and am now stuck at home.
My existing 5-year plan went out the window.
But it hasn’t all been bad.
Things are great in the new house, I had a wonderful Christmas, and I finally feel I have the space to vision a new 5 year plan.
I sit with the stream of my life and all the elements of the past and future that have passed away into memory.
The gold we picked up and ran with. Friendships, communities, arcs of culture I’ve been lucky enough to be apart of.
Momentary processes that sift and change like Buddhist sand art splayed to the winds of time and circumstance, never quite the same again.
Here are some things I’ll be celebrating from 2023:
- Going on the best trip of my life.
- Beginning to record my music after a decade of procrastination.
- Starting a mens group.
- Launching my Substack.
- Deepening friendships.
- Going deeper in love and relating than I ever have before.
- Being supported by community in one of my darkest times (thankyou all from the bottom of my heart 💛)
- Regaining the ability to whisper and have conversations with loved ones.
- Reconnecting with Alex, who is one of the most beautiful gifts in my life, and my best friend.
- Finding a beautiful home to recover in.
- Having the best Christmas to date.
- The space to continue to sit with it all this week until a new vision of the next 5 years comes through.
And so really I feel lucky and grateful. With any luck I'll be watching the first sunrise of 2025 🌄
I finally got a home!
And I’m so so happy about it!
After 18 months of sublets I can unpack my suitcase.
I’ve been here since Wednesday and I can already feel the stress and hypervigilance leaving my system as I enter a deep, safe, restful calm.
And I am sooo grateful.
I had fun lighting up this new home with a little Christmas spirit. Being able to have some of my favourite people come to visit and share gifts has been everything. My inner child is happy. I’m going to thoroughly enjoy settling in over the next couple of weeks.
Thankyou universe, and to all those who have helped and been there for me.
And an enormous deep thankyou to Keith Bale, who gave me a place to stay these last 4 months while I had nowhere else to go. Without you I would of been up shit creek. Your generosity will not be forgotten.
Seasons greetings, and enjoy the holidays!
Dad and I ~
I’d always thought that 35 would be the age I’d like to have children, like my father did. An age with enough time to accomplish the bucket list items and still be a ‘young’ dad.
Yet it seems an unlikely preference now.
It’s been 4 months since I really began struggling with this disability, and while it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever been through, things are starting to feel a little brighter.
I’ve worked out that it should take 12 months to return to work, and 2.5 years for a full recovery to previous ability if I keep improving at the rate I am.
2.5 years…
By then I’ll be 35. The same age as my dad when my parents had me.
But instead of ticking off the bucket list items of recording my albums and travelling overseas, I will be recovering instead. And it will take time to build partnership when it comes time for that.
So the shape of the future looks quite different now, and the question has crept in quietly, like a shadowy cheshire cat in the corner of the room, or like no-face from Spirited Away offering a humble gift:
“What to do?”
Despite the things that I can’t do, there’s much I still can.
There’s piles of books and courses to complete.
Writing to write. Wounds to heal. New ways of being to emerge.
Decisions to make about work and money and the future.
It’s different to how I envisioned it, but it’s starting to feel ok. Like a delicately unfurling flower where I skip across the petal platforms and float off into the warm spring air to something new. Or something like that.
And there have been good things too. Friends, fam, scones and tea. Novels and the odd bonsai tree.
Here is just a small collage from the life that is. I do desire for things to be different, but I am more than grateful for what I have.
My hope is that these lessons of loss are preparing me for whatever lies ahead. And so onward I go. Slowly 😌
Hoo boy this has been a big ride.
I had been recovering slowly since my hearing sensitivity had gotten pretty bad about 6 weeks ago, but then nearly 2 weeks ago something happened that I wasn’t expecting.
Firstly I just want to share that I’m still looking for a quiet home or sanctuary to recover in, but for now I’m restricted to Lismore because my ears have gotten too sensitive to drive far.
If you know of anyone or any possibilities in the Lismore area please let me know. Empty houses; cat-sits; self containe studios: any possible lead please send my way. Basically I just need a quiet space where I can recover from my hyperacusis flare ups without having to navigate too much noise.
So this new flare up was actually brought on by trying to drive to view a cabin in Myocum. I got 15 minutes into the drive and realised the vehicle sound was too much and had to turn back. The round trip is what caused the flare up. I’m back to not really being able to whisper or have conversations at all. It’s been tough as hell, but I’m still weathering the storm and hoping to make it through to a brighter day.
I’m again so grateful for the people who have been there for me. Messaging me, visiting me (for silent hangs like chess or phone assisted conversation 😅), everyone who has donated, and those currently helping me access support while I’m fairly debilitated.
Ways you can support if you'd like to:
Make time for a live message chat with me. I'm too sensitive for phone calls, but messaging in real time is a way I can connect and have a conversation while I’m unable to connect normally.
You can also still donate to my Go Fund Me. I haven’t been able to utilise much of the funds donated yet as my condition has been so unstable, but as things do stabalise these funds will greatly aid my recovery. The link is in my bio.
Thanks for reading this little update from me. I plan to share the piece I’ve been writing about my full journey with this condition via my substack this week, so expect to see that pop up here soon x
How to get back to the garden?
The world plunges deeper and deeper in into it’s chaotic division, and it seems the vision of a better world is getting further away.
But in my heart I know a more beautiful world is possible.
I know you’ve felt it.
Glimpsed it in the eyes of your friends as they see you truly.
In the solidarity of community gathered for a cause.
Perhaps you heard it in the soaring chorus of the tribe singing.
Or in the quiet beauty of witnessing magic only you can see, when totally on your own.
It’s in these subtle moments on the frontier heartbeats of culture, that I believe we have the opportunity re-dream what it is to be together and discover the horizons of a world we know is possible.
I made this Substack (first article is here, link in bio!) as a codex of my personal inquiries into the collective field, authenticity, creativity and the interconnection that holds us all together. You could call it a gonzo journal of my voyages into this idea of ‘the underground’ - the quiet places outside of the noise of the machine where we come together to propagate new ways of being for the future.
The first post is on togetherness and separation and the wider theme of why unity, I think, is the backbone of making real change in the world. You can read it via the link in my bio. In the coming weeks I plan to do a bit of deep dive on my personal journey’s of healing (and of course the story of how I came to be in my current predicament with tinnitus), before expanding further out into the juicy realms of interpersonal and community healing.
“Healed people, heal people.”
As we grow whole together, I believe healed communities may heal the world.
So if this resonates with you, then let’s jam together. I’m here to figure it out and gather the gravity to experiment together with the interpersonal deep tools. Have a read of the first piece and jump into my dm’s and tell me what you think. I want to hear.
Until then, live like there’s no tomorrow, and I hope to see you in ‘the underground’.
I’ve been hungry for this…
To create and to share.
To be seen and to be heard.
To give something meaningful to the world…
Over the last 2 weeks that has come in the form of me dedicating a block of undivided time to working on my album.
And while that has had it’s own series of twists and turns, serious setbacks and an outcome that feels like a failure and a loss… (I’ll share more in the coming days…)
It’s ended in a softening of my ego, and a vision.
In a letting go, a surrender, and a returning to what’s vital.
The truth that art isn’t really about the artist.
Art is about the connection we feel.
Connection to ourselves
Connection to spirit (read: inspiration)
And connection to each other.
Despite the trials and setbacks that I’ve experience that I’ll divulge in full soon, it feels serendipitous that Song Circle has arrived at the finale of this creative journey.
It’s an opportunity to let go of trying to be something and to practice “getting out of the way” and just letting the art happen.
To facilitate connection,
And let what is, emerge.
Tomorrow night, Wednesday 19th, we will gather for the first Song Circle of 2023, and together we’ll co-create connection through the sharing of song.
Song Circle is a space for the artists, musicians and lovers to reconnect to themselves, each others, and the magic between us that threads us together.
It’s a space for us to be welcomed as we are, and to express as we are.
Because in this moment, we are whole,
And the cosmos is hungry to receive the fullness of what we are.
Tickets still available in my bio,
I’ll see you there.
For those that have been asking for this, it’s finally back.
Almost 9 months have passed since I wrapped the last Song Circle of 2022 and many have been asking when I’ll be running them again…
And I’m blessed to say that Song Circle is back for 2023, and it couldn’t have come at a better time.
The creative forces of this incredible region are swirling. Community is moving. Inspiration is coalescing into higher forms.
As we collectively feel into the gravitational current that’s calling us together into to deeper even more magnificent manifestations, its time to connect the dots between us and lean into the potential we have as a people.
The artists, the singers, the poets, the songwriters, the story tellers, the dancers…
The wild few with a gift to share and a world to change.
We are the visionaries and the sculptors of our tomorrow.
Song Circle is a place where we cultivate our individual spirit through the collective spirit.
Where we share our songs, and through the sharing of our songs, find the song of all of us.
In the melting pot where we each meet, beautiful connections are made, new dreams are woven, and powerful waves of creation are inspired.
So here is my invitation to you - let’s cultivate this space together. With our art, our events, and our community. Song Circle is a space I’ve opened for this to unfold, where we can foster creativity and communion together. So come join me and lean into the mystery of co-creation together.
When: 6pm Wednesday 19th July
Where: Possum Creek (address sent with email confirmation)
Contribution: $10 - $25 (Ticket link in bio)
Food: Chai and Vegan food available to purchase
Performers and audiences both welcome :)
Feeling like this one’s a special one!
SONG CIRCLE
Eltham Village Gallery
Sunday November 6th
6:15 for a 6:30 start
$10 on the door
JUMAN and Jesse Witney to blow us away.
And plenty of space to share and listen beforehand.
See you there x
“How’s that Camp… Song… Fire Circle… Thing going?”
A question that lots of people have been asking me…
Despite the confusion it’s AFFIRMING to know my events are growing in notoriety 😆
My response in honest is that -both- Song Circle and Campfire events have been going well, but…
Only one of them is currently running - I decided to put Campfire on hold while I dive deeper into the course launch business and focus my energies on the community that is most special to me: Song Circle.
For a while I thought it would never happen.
I was trying to start song circle for at least a year before I managed to congregate the right people together for Song Circle in the Northern Rivers..
We’re 6 months in now and this monthly sanctum has become one of my favourite things. We made it happen. It’s alive.
The next one is happening this Sunday at the Eltham Village Gallery. Song Circle is an unplugged open mic for songwriters to share their craft and song lovers to listen. As the format goes, we will finish the night with this months feature songwriters @jessewitney and @juman_music who are set to blow us away with their sonorous artistry.
For those that know JUMAN’s music, this will be a special and rare occasion to hear her incredible voice and songs stripped back and acoustic. This is a special treat for Jesse’s music too.
So to say the least I’m excited.
The details:
Eltham Village Gallery
Sunday November 6th
Doors 6:15 for a 6:30 start
$10 donation entry on the door
And for those who like the sound of Song Circle but think “I can’t come to this, I’m not a songwriter….” - you don’t need to be a songwriter to come! ALL ARE WELCOME to come and enjoy the show even if you don’t write songs or don’t feel like sharing.
So put it in your calendar, and I’ll see you there for the magic of Song Circle ✨🌙
Tonight, we’re getting together for another Song Circle.
Join me for a night of local writers sharing their tunes and feature performances from @jesamusicc and @tomriccioni
Details
Eltham Village Gallery
Sunday 2nd of October
6:15 for a 6:30 start
$10
See you there!
SONG CIRCLE 4
Feat. JESA & TOM RICCIONI
The ‘poetry night’ for songwriters is back this coming Sunday at the usual time and place. Just like a poetry night, song Circle is not limited to song writers. Anyone is welcome to come and enjoy. But for those with a song up their sleeve, this is a safe and beautiful community in which to delight with your unique creations. Let us celebrate and bask in the wonderous creative richness of the area.
The details:
Eltham Village Gallery
Sunday 2nd October
6:15 for a 6:30 start.
$10
This Song Circle we will be blessed with a double feature performance from extraordinary local Jess Johnson AKA JESA and none other than Naarm based Tom Riccioni.
I’m really looking forward to this evening of heart and transmission!
We’re back on 🌙
Campfire is on this Friday night at the Eltham Village Gallery.
DETAILS
Date: Friday 16th September
Place: Eltham Village Gallery
Time: 7pm
Contribution: $10 at the door
Campfire is a monthly evening of performance and sharing where artists, audience and community gather around the warmth of the fireplace like our ancient ancestors once did.
It was around the campfire that we first learned to make sense of the world. We told our stories, sang our songs, and danced our experience into meaning. We wove our experiences into the fire smoke so we could learn from shared wisdom and thrive together. This is what Campfire is all about.
Campfire is made up of the contributions of those who gather. It runs a bit like a poetry night but for any kind of sharing - stories, song, a game, an idea, a dance, a question, a riddle!? Whatever it is, you are welcome to air it 'round the potbelly fireplace in the centre of our cosy Eltham Village Gallery, or simply sit back and receive what's on offer.
That’s everything. Would love to see you there x
