Happy birthday to my brother Chad. Youād be 39 today.
Not a day goes by that I donāt think about you or miss you.
Weāve been watching a lot of Big Hero 6 lately with Rilo. The older brother, Tadashi, dies in a fire in the movie (spoilerā¦sorry), and the younger brother, Hiro, has to figure out how to exist in a world without him. As I watch it, I canāt help but feel all his emotions. But whatās beautiful in the movie is how Tadashi is still there through the things he left behind, his ideas, his inventions, the impact he had on everyone around him. And Hiro doesnāt do it alone. Heās surrounded by people who care about him, a community that helps him through the hardest moments. I think about that a lot too. Iāve been really lucky to have amazing people in my life whoāve helped carry me through some of the hardest times.
And there are little pieces of you everywhere. Sometimes itās hearing Rilo laugh and catching a bit of your laugh in it. Sometimes itās working on something creative and realizing Iām pulling from the movies we loved growing up.
I just know youāre still with me.
Miss you. Love you, Chad. šš
Thirteen years. Still crazy to think itās been that long.
I always come back to the night I found out he died. Through the shock and the chaos, my mom gave me one marching order: āGo get his cat. He probably hasnāt eaten, we need him with us.ā So I drove to my brotherās apartment at the Alexandria Hotel in DTLA. We went to the management office, but they said only the manager could approve letting us inā¦ and he was gone until the next day.
Then we ran into the Mexican handyman, the guy with the skeleton key to everything. Cuit and Andrea were doing everything they could (in Spanish) to convince him to help. I showed him a photo of my brother. The moment he saw it, his jaw dropped and his eyes started to water. He told me heād just seen my brother that morning. That my brother always said good morning. Always had a smile for him. He looked crushed.
In that moment, it hit me how many people my brother touched in these small, everyday ways. I found myself grieving with a man Iād never met, yet he felt the loss too. If you knew Chad, you know he had a way of brightening people up. Of shining for them without even trying.
Thirteen years later, thatās what I hold onto. A reminder to smile a little more. To shine a little brighter. To carry forward the light he left behind. To be a little crazy.
Miss you always, Chad.
P.S. We got Louis a couple days later when a friend could finally get into the apt. And he absolutely tested this theory, making me crazy on the daily. Iām glad you have your cat back dude.
To my little dude. My first kid. My Louis cat. Back in 2012 when my brother passed away this 4 year old cat became my son. He was cute, but also had a mean streak. And he was oursā¦ for 13 more years! So many great memories and cuddles. He always loved on us until he stoppedā¦because he was over it. We tortured him with Halloween costumes and new fancy litter boxes. But through it all there was this look that he would give me, or sometimes a meow that let me know we were bonded and that we both missed my brother. When Rilo was born he loved sleeping next to her and sniffing her. And while Andrea and I had war wounds from bites and scratches. He never touched Rilo. He took on her torture. The hair pulling and the rough touch pats from a baby. But we became parents. Louis got less of our time and he was getting older. When the fires came and we evacuated, we took Louis with us up to my parents house where he ended up staying to live out the rest of his days. Louis lived 17 years and died naturally sitting next to my dad. We went to visit to say our goodbyes. It was really hard to see him the way he was, unable to move and clearly uncomfortable. Louis was my connection to my brother Chad. The last remaining bond to him in this life. We looked at each other with that same look. But this time it was with love and exhaustion, but also gratitude. He would tell Chad about what a great friend I was whenā¦.OUCH! He literally sinks his teeth into my finger for the most painful bite Iāve ever had. He nonchalantly acts like nothing and immediately I realize itās time for him to go. Fucking Louis. RIP to my son. My good boy. My best friend. I love you and I hope you miss the litter box regularly and shit on Chadās floor in heaven. Please wake him up with incessantly with your meows to tell him itās time to eatā¦ because Iāll miss that. Love you dude. ā¤ļø
20 Years! I canāt believe Iāve had my person for 20 years! 9 of those years as a married couple. I love you so much Andrea, I literally wake up every morning tired and groggy, but still excited to live the day with you. Relationships are work, and can be challenging - especially after this long - but you somehow make it fun, fulfilling and fruitful. Iām blessed to go through lifeās lows together; but elated for all of the highs. Cheers to the rest of our lives together. Happy Anniversary!
Happy Birthday to my incredible wife @andreasolisbird !!!! There is no one Iād rather spin around the sun with that you! Cheers to another year of parenting, partying and lifting each other up! Thanks for always being my best friend and patient superhero. I love you to infinity and beyond!!! Love you!
Happy Birthday, Chad!
I canāt believe you would have been 38 today. Watching Rilo grow up, Iām constantly in awe of how much of you is creeping into her personality. Sheās definitely loud like you, cracks jokes like you, and makes the same ridiculous faces. And this past weekend, watching her snowboard took me straight back to when we were kids, flying down the mountaināusually with you leading the charge in some ill-advised stunt.
Like that time when those ridiculously long beanies were in style, and youād bomb the hill on your skis with your puffball of a beanie flapping behind you like a tiny, out-of-control parachute. Or when you missed the turn toward the main lodge, flew off the side of the mountain, and disappeared. The only reason we even found you was because that absurdly long beanie was peeking out from the trail above, like some kind of distress signal. And when we finally dragged you out of that gorgeāhearts pounding, convinced you were done forāyou just started laughing. Because of course you thought it was fun.
This weekend, I kept catching myself glancing off the trails, half-expecting to see your beanie among the trees.
I miss you, dude. Happy Birthday.
