What if we all stopped turning ourselves inside out over and over again to prove we're not who someone says we are?
Newsletter went out last night, talking about coming back to yourself and a bunch of feelings I had in January. It’s already March and I feel like I can never keep up. There’s so much to say about it being March again and I’m going to be patient with myself and wait until I’m ready to say it. 🌸 #35mm
i am eating a CHUNKY candy bar as a spell. i heard once that my dad liked them, so i buy one when i notice them at checkout. i am chewing it slowly and thinking about how his teeth once bit into the same combination of chocolate with peanuts and raisins. out of all the candy bars he loved this one. somewhere at some time 30 something years ago he had a mouth taking in the same sensations, his teeth bit through the same density of chocolate. some version of his fingers are somewhere in time unwrapping this silver wrapper, maybe licking chocolate off his thumb. maybe he offered one of the 4 square pieces to whoever was around and maybe they said “chunky? who eats those?” i saw a man walking down the street in an oversized flannel yesterday. he was thin and lanky like my dad and the wind was blowing through his open buttoned shirt, air running around his torso. for some reason this stranger made me have that feeling of “oh fuck i wish my dad were alive” — sometimes it comes at times that make sense and sometimes it’s this. seeing some people age just picks at a visceral desire to see what he would look like now, in his 60s, crooked nose and sad eyes with wrinkly skin, maybe freckles and sun damage from spending too much time in the pool or the garden. i don’t even think he wore flannels like that, but i guess he could now. i know things can still be felt when i can’t see them but i’d just really like to see it.
#bbdadproject #35mm #35mmfilm #grief #deadparentsclub #cluboflostdaughters
forced myself to look 🌸 at all the film photographs i took in 2025. i tend to use film to delineate personal work from client work and i don’t totally know if it’s serving me anymore or if i can even afford it. anyway, the point is: im going to try to write about why i didn’t want to look at 2025 (always trying to write and not pressing send) but we’ll see. 💌 letters on substack if you don’t want to be on this app but want to be on a different, not better but kind of better app. all the photos are super compressed regardless of where you look anyway, and that’s probably my fault. it’s about damn time i try to make a book or something to hold in my hands but i put walls between me and the things i desire to do, especially in my art practice. anyway!!! here are my favorite photos from 2025. they are fine, they are sweet and some are sentimental and none of them will win me awards or residencies or new editorial assignments (unless… 👀 email me) but here they are. it’s okay to have a year void of excellence.
hard year, still here 🌸 if only to document pink flowers and kisses and giggling.
in for 2026: healthcare4all, socialism in general (prayers), your favorite songs being ones your friends write, snorting when u laugh, inconveniencing yourself for the sake of community, chaos, flirting (always in), yelling “kiss” and they actually do it, getting strong (finally), paper, comedic screaming, gossip as a form of protection (still in), unionizing (always in), saying “who cares!!!!”
out: my thyroid 🥴, this app (sorry), imperialism (prayers), leaving bed when you’re sick, being burnt out, everyone is a photographer, “if they wanted to they would,” landlords, optimization, devils advocate (always out), being a baby (has run its course), billionaires (tacky), and last but not least anyone hanging out without me (sorry)!
love notes to shawna & our friendship in all of its timelines on today, her birthday. welcome taurus season and ponder something lush in her honor 💐🌷🍀🌿
🐎🧲♥️ alentines day 2025 ♥️🧲🐎
everybody looked so hot ✨ too many hotties to fit in one post. love you. cute ace of heart borders designed by my cutie @warmgingerale ♥️♠️
