I turned 39 this week, and my beloved @vicki__jawaid took these heroic birthday portraits of me wearing stunning wings designed by my dear friend @jaxon_yang .
For fifteen years, I struggled with obesity and burnout, believing that I needed to devote every waking hour to work just to survive as a queer Asian immigrant in New York City. I would hide behind baggy, black Uniqlo clothes that Waqas would buy for me; shopping malls and dressing rooms would trigger visceral anxiety and panic attacks. I would literally hide when people wanted to take pictures, so there is hardly any evidence of my existence during that period. I could not reach behind me to put on a seatbelt without severe pain, and I felt like maybe this was the price I owed for choosing a career in design. I could make beautiful things for others at the cost of my health and happiness. I was sad all the time, and I could not bear the sight of myself.
I still carry all of that history with me, but I am learning to be grateful for my body in all its forms and resilience. I am embracing its strength, its beauty, its scars, its dignity. I am working every day to be proud of and happy with myself—to take ownership of my pleasure, my joy, and my destiny. I hope by sharing this that others who are on a similar journey can feel less alone. I am here for you too, and I love you.
Happy birthday to @vicki__jawaid , my forever love and best friend. You inspire me every day to be more courageous, kind, and imaginative. It is my greatest privilege to share this life with you. 💗✨
To my Valentine: on the good days and the bad, through joy and ecstasy, grief and hardship, you are my forever love and best friend. I will always put you first and be there for you.
