2025. It’s tempting to label the year as a shit show, as it contained 50 shades of darkness, starting with a heartbreak and ending in bottomless grief, spending weeks on end in a hospital in the middle, caring for a loved one battling cancer, burning a lot of my fuses. But that wouldn’t be fair to the moments of joy in between the darkness. All the more reason to keep remembering the light; downhill skiing in Levi with my almost family, buying my first van, getting it converted. Sailing in Greece with a bunch of old and new friends, followed by acting in “Ciao Rakas”, filming with the loveliest cast and crew, learning Italian for the part. At the same time I opened a local museum for the summer, curated an exhibition and hired guides, working as a museum subject manager. I was going to enter my 40th year surfing in Lofoten, but I ended up spending it at the hospital caring for loved ones, as life has it’s own way of making itself clear on who’s the boss. I travelled some more, to my old home town London to catch up with my favourite people there. The Tv-series “To Cook A Bear” had its long awaited premiere on Disney+ and I got my long overdue surf trip to Lofoten in the autumn, cut short due to winter arriving, but oh so sweet. Then getting the call that “Oro Jaska” aka “Shut Up” Tv-series has been nominated for an International Emmy Awards, one I co-directed with Petter Holmsen, resulting in a trip of a life time to New York, walking the red carpet with some of my favourite people. Although we did not win the award, the nomination still blows my mind and the trip remains as the highest of highs of 2025. But then on the other side of that came the lowest of lows of a life time, losing my dear cousin, opening a door to bottomless grief that I have yet to learn how to navigate through in 2026 and for years to come. So yes, I am glad that 2025 has come to an end. A bit weary of how dark the dark in life can get, I enter 2026 defiantly and fiercely looking for ways to keep it light.
Grief. I didn’t know I could contain so much of it. It feels like I’m drowning. A part of me just wants to disappear instead of surrendering to the tsunami of pain washing over me, every time I think of you. The pain and despair you must have felt, is that what I am feeling now? If it is, I’ll carry it for you, sweetheart. I’ll carry it for you.
“What do you want from me?” I ask God. “Eventually just everything you are attached to, my dear” cruelly indifferent to my objections. As a reminder of life’s impermanence. In case I forgot.
And so the rug is pulled beneath my feet and I’m descending down the hell’evator, further than I’ve ever been. Darkness and despair washes over me. There’s life in one hand, death in the other, an old soul reminds me. “I wouldn’t sing, if death wasn’t nearby”
“The pain is like a sharp stone inside you” my friend says. “And in the beginning it hurts with every little move you make and it tears you up inside. But eventually, it will turn into a round stone, polished by the waves of grief and it won’t hurt so much anymore. You will always feel the stone there, but it won’t hurt like this”.
“It feels more like I’m stuck in a rip current and I can’t get out, and there’s the Great White, tugging me under, ripping me to pieces, making it hard to breathe, so dangerously unconcerned with my fragile meat suit. I am terrified. I’m grasping for air, but all I get is despair and I’m drowning in it.”
And so I fall apart and enter the room of grief. Suddenly I see everyone who’s already there.
Rest in peace, Jovnna Máhtte. The shape of my soul is changed for life, to house the stone you left behind. 💔
In diehttán mun sáhtten duostut dákkár morraša. Orru dego livččen heavvaneamen. Oassi mus hálida dušše duššat, dan sadjái go vuollánit dán issoras tsunamii mii uhkida heavvanit mu juohke háve go jurddašan du. Dan vártnuhis, vuotnahis bákčasa maid fertet leat dovdan, dat go lea, maid mun dál dovddan? Jos leš nu, de mun guottán dan du bealis, Jovnna Máhtežan. Gal mun guottán dan.
“Maid don muinna áiggut?” Mun jearan iežan áddejumi Ipmilis. “Loahpaid loahpas dušše muittuhit du dan, ahte buot lea gaskabottosažžan, ráhkkásan.” Ja nu son váldá buot masa leaččan láktasan, fuolakeahttá mu vuostáleapmái. Dego livččen vajáldahttán eallima rávkaleapmái.
Ja nu rátnu rohttašuvvá julggiidan vuolde ja mun gahččan sevdnjes čiekŋkalassii, čiekŋalleabbot go goassige ovdal. Moraš duvdá mu. “Eallin ovtta gieđas, jápmin fas nuppi”, muhtun boares siellu muittuha mu. “mun in lávllošii jos jápmin ii mu lahka livččii”.
«Dát moraš lea dego čohka geađgi iežat siste» mu skibir dadjala, «ja álggos dat čuggesta du varran juohke háve go lihkastat. Muhto áiggi mielde dat čohka geađgi jorbboda jagiid morrašiid bassalemiin ja dat ii bávččat šat seamma láhkai. Don boađat álo dovdat dan geađggi doppe, muhto dat ii boađe ná bávččadit.”
“Dovdo eambbo dego livččen darvánan garra rávnnji báruid sisa, in ge beasa gáddái” mun fástidan. “Ja doppe lea háia, mii gaiku mu varran čázevuolde ja dahkká váttisin vuoigŋgat, nu árpmiteapme mu hearkkes gorodii. Mu nu balan, vikkan rohttet vuoiŋŋa, muhto rohttašuvan dušše áŧestussii.”
Ja nu mun vuojun moraššii. Ja fáhkkestaga oainnán ođđa čálmmiin buohkaid geat leat jo doppe. 💔
Vuoiŋŋas ráfis, Jovnna Máhtežan. Mu sielu hápmi lea rievdan eallenahkái, čáhkandihte geađggi man guđđet.
To Cook a Bear TV series is premiering on @disneyplus today! What a journey it was, filled with talented people and new friendships. I am in awe of @emilrastekarlsen ‘s creativity and vulnerability as an actor and his calm demeanour & his old soul. Also such a pleasure to act with @maiengs and watch her authenticity unfold in front of the camera. Thanks to @trygvead , @disneyplusno and @anagramsweden for giving me the part and the whole cast and crew for making this such a dreamy product to be a part of. It was so short, but I am still “camp firing” with the memories and enjoying the friendships made. A little shout out to @lindaboijemakeupdesigner , I loved the makeup! @siribrochjohansen who helped me out with the self tape, @anittakatriina for recommending me to the casting agency. 🙏
#tocookabear #kokebjørn #actor #filmmaking #disneyplus #nordicnoir #chrime #friendships #behindthescenes #tvseries #disney
Our TV series “Oro Jaska” aka “Shut Up” has been nominated for The International Emmy Awards! 🤯 This is my first credit as a director, together with @ps.holmsen who took me under his vast, brilliant wing. This feels none other than magical to be a part of! Huge congratulations to the whole cast and crew! 😍🤯
#orojaska #shutup #iemmy #filmmaking #director #tvseries
Filmed Torna a Surriento these past weeks with incredible cast and crew in the deep woods of Finland. What a journey it has been! Sad to have it ended so quickly. But alas, in the end there is always a new beginning. Beginning of new friendships and new collaborations. I’m so grateful to have been a part of this production, for @kenarebongo who entrusted me with a task that seemed impossible in the beginning, with 80% of my dialog being in Italian & @whatever.group for letting me do the part together with @rai_cinema Thank you! Grazie mille also to my Italian co-actors who helped me both to be a better actor and make my Italian pronunciation somewhat understandable.🙏#tornaasurriento #actorslife #acting #film #sápmi
A little throw back to #biruunjárga as it has its Norwegian release today! 🙌 Go check it out in a cinema near you 🙃
#biruunjárga #behindthescenes #actress #actorslife #unjarga #filmproduction #reinfilm
Notebook diaries:
Falling:
“I tremble with the thought of you and I falling apart
like the sound of autumn leafs leaving the trees in the breeze
Free falling dried dead in the hot summer shine that once seemed so warm and welcoming
Now leafs are covering the surface of the earth,
preparing the ground for the sound of winter
But I’m already hoping spring will arrive faster than last year, before the cold gets colder and too cold for any leaf left to survive
Like the leafs, I tremble with the thought of you and I evaporating in thin air
like a bucket of hot water thrown into the winter wind turning into ice cold ice falling to the ground with the loudest sound of silence
And I’m holding my breath, standing still with my bare feet buried in the leafs- still grounded as I watch the snowflakes covering the ground
Hoping not to be the one surrounded by a broken heart, defeated
I tremble with the thought of our love
only being heard as an echo under your feet when you walk away
Leaving tracks of footsteps stepping my heart to pieces
But alas, before you go -I’m leaving, and I have folded every memory of you neatly in my bag, preparing for a season in hell.”
I strolled up Hoven mountain to catch the sunset the other day. I am afraid of hights but with 368mov/masl I thought I could master it. This time it went well though I stayed far off the edge. Yesterday is another story for another day #lofoten #camperlife #ámontheroad #roadtrip #lofotenislands #gimsøya #hoven #scandinavia
I’m taking a holiday in the “south”, aka, Lofoten, testing out the camper van life and whether I am built for it.
The car on the other hand is tiny and not built for camping, but I’ve made provisional solutions and I’m getting by fairly smoothly. 🤓
#Lofoten is like that famous person that you get starstruck with and start wondering what they are like without knowing them personally. Are they what the hype claim them to be?
When I arrived to #Svolvær I was shocked at the amount of tourists and camper vans everywhere. At every other parking spot there’s a “no camping” sign and at the half, there’s a camper van parked, sometimes quite creatively, and the word that comes to mind is “tourist pollution”. For me camping has always been a “private affair”; one where we’re far from one another, not to be seen and not leave any traces. Here there are tent and camper van villages around every corner. But then maybe, arriving in high season when there are several huge festivals around has something to do with it.
6 days in and I’m beginning to get used to the vans and the sea of people, but one thing I don’t get used to is the scenic views around every corner.
Lofoten takes my breath away, even more so when I’m getting to know her. She’s everything that people claim her to be and more. #lofoten #hiking #sunset #holiday #actress #ámontheroad #ontheroad #camperlifestyle #campervan #roadtrip #norway
