4.26.25
It's been a year since my mom died. When I lost her, I lost my confidence. I became angry and I isolated myself. No one understood and it scared me. I felt like everyone around me moved on so fast and I was still stuck trying to navigate a world without her. I still am. All I want is to pick up the phone and call her. I felt embarrassed trying to talk to her out loud knowing I would never get a response back. I try to honor her in everything I do as a way to keep her alive. I say hi to the mourning doves that sit outside my balcony. Maybe it's her, who knows. One time the spitting image of her sat in front of me on the bus- same short curly brown hair, scattered freckles, and little golden hoops. Maybe that was her saying hi back, who knows. I took a picture of the stranger anyways. One time I dreamt she called me from another dimension and told me she was healthy and happy. I hope so, wherever she is. Everything I am, everything I have done was because of her. I am honored to have been her daughter. I don't think it will ever get easier. I remember feeling insane trying to figure out why it happened or if it was fate that she died when she did. She was born on 8.8.62. She died on the 26th at age 62. 6+2 is 8. Who knows. I just miss her everyday, especially today.
