When you give tough love, how do you highlight that you’re doing it because you care? This event with @jennifer.garner was one of my favorites ever—filled with surprise and delight. Podcast link in bio: we talk parenting and mentoring, acting and aging, hidden potential, and what our dream school would look like
I just visited my old diving team, and couldn’t resist getting back on the board for the first time in years. Back in the 90s, the hardest skill for me to learn was twisting, and I wanted to see if this old dog could still do an old trick. And yes, I’m still sore 😆
“No offense, but” is a terrible way to start a sentence. @brenebrown and I discuss why on @thecuriosityshop ! For the evidence that these kinds of disclaimers backfire, see “I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but… The effects of using disclaimers on person perception” (El-Alalyi et al)
Happy Mother’s Day to all celebrating! Illustration @researchdoodles
Evidence: “Sharing the burden: The interpersonal regulation of emotional arousal in mother-daughter dyads” (Lougheed et al)
@kristenanniebell dropping wisdom on how a life without irritation is a life without connection. For our full conversation, Re:Thinking podcast link in bio
How do you stay hopeful in a turbulent world? @kristenanniebell asks, and I weigh in with one of the most important lessons I’ve learned as a psychologist. Where we focus shapes how we feel.
Podcast link in bio, recorded @betterup Uplift
@kristenanniebell gets in character to give a master class in emotional intelligence. She demonstrates how to set boundaries when people dump their emotions on us. Podcast link in bio, recorded last week @betterup Uplift
@adamgrant and I are tackling shame in Episode 6 of @thecuriosityshop .
The first step of shame resilience is recognizing shame and identifying the trigger.
Can we physically recognize when we’re in the grip of shame, feel our way through it, and figure out what messages and expectations triggered it?
Our research participants with the highest levels of shame resilience can recognize the physical symptoms of shame—they know the physiology of it, and that’s a huge cue to pay attention.
When I feel time slow down, my mouth gets dry, and I struggle with tunnel vision and wanting to disappear, my saying is, “This feels like shame. I will NOT talk, text, or type until I get back on my emotional feet.”
When we have understanding and awareness around shame, we’re less likely to default to our shame shields, or what Linda Hartling and her fellow researchers at the Stone Center at Wellesley call strategies of disconnection:
Moving away: Withdrawing, hiding, silencing ourselves, and keeping secrets.
Moving toward: Seeking to appease and please.
Moving against: Trying to gain power over others by being aggressive, and by using shame to fight shame.
Like all armor, these are appealing forms of self-protection, but they move us away from our authenticity and wholeheartedness.
You can download the new episode wherever you listen to podcasts or head to the link in my profile.
@kristenanniebell is still working to overcome her chronic people pleasing 😆 We discuss how it’s rooted not in concern for others, but concern for their approval—and there’s a difference between pleasing people and helping them. Podcast link in bio; it was a blast being on the Uplift stage @betterup !
When people struggle under pressure, it doesn’t mean they lack resilience. It often means they lack practice. @davidbeckham and I discuss the overlap between the evidence and his experience
