Shifting evolving growing maturing crying yearning wanting - evermore
Areas, topics, worlds in which I am dying without even noticing. Just a faint blood drop on the leg. A crying, a remembering, a wanting. And when I notice it
feels already too late. I have already died and
Missed the call
Missed the celebratory song, the chant, the dance
No ceremonies for this person - just withered flowers, spread on the ground
Only a sense of breaking - constant,
Married to the br-ache of the heart
It crackles - sound like fire - constant, a lullaby
I was an elder before I was a child.
There are entire worlds to grieve for this -
I was an old man in an infantile body
It felt like growing in too small a shell
And breaking out of it
Always
The deep tiredness now
It finally shows - through wrinkles and cracked eyelight and too loud a laughter
That I am.
I have been wilfully broken apart
Rebuilt only
Through the flowers in the fields
That lay before my new house
I live here since a year and a half
I have not said goodbye to the birds
Which were my lovers
Turns out we were not lovebirds at all
Rather
Prey and hunter
Prayer and hunt
Like haunting prayers
Late at night
Feel your feelings but examine them too
It’s good to feel things frontally, better if you’ve tried to feel them laterally
Lateral is not literal is what I’m saying
