Ryan Werner

I treated myself to another Greatest Tattoo of All Time. #steelydan #steelydantshirt #larrycarlton

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY SO YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO MY NEW ALBUM AND WATCH MY NEW MUSIC VIDEO. I don’t think turning [REDACTED] is reason to celebrate, but I will totally use it as an excuse to guilt you into momentarily caring about this stuff I do for fun. ANOTHER FUCKIN’ MIRACLE is recommended to anyone who likes twin guitar leads, Tony Molina, concussions, getting kicked out of karaoke for doing “Panama” too many times, short songs, trying to spit the little pieces of glass out of some bubblegum you found at the fair, being obnoxious, and believing you can fall in love again and again and again because you absolutely must. It’s on all the streaming services, but you can buy it on Bandcamp here if you want to throw a few bucks into the ice cream sandwich fund: /album/another-fuckin-miracle Once again, a huge thank you to Bob McMahon, who came in clutch playing the drums on this thing. We did them last, because everything is always better when you do it in the hardest, dumbest way possible. Scott Evans saved this record in the mix and Carl Saff saved it even more in the mastering process. All I did was write the songs and then play them, which would take maybe a hundred monkeys max at typewriters and only four or five of them on guitars. #powerpop #guitar #newmusic2025

NEW COLLAGE! NEW ALBUM! Uhhh, almost, that is. Next Friday (great movie) will be the release of my new album, Another Fuckin’ Miracle. I started working on this when Jay White was still NJPW champion, if that tells you anything. (If it doesn’t tell you anything, congratulations on all the sex you’re having.) I’m calling it power pop, but I’m sure someone on the internet will correct me and hope that somebody got fired for that blunder. Regardless, if you hate it, it’ll be over quick: 13 songs in 23 minutes. Bob McMahon (Prairie Rehab, Jeffy & the Sunken Heads) did me a huge favor and played drums on this even though it was a huge pain in the ass for him. He earned that $10,000 I paid him, that’s for sure. Scott Evans (Kowloon Walled City, that industrial Rush cover, a million other rad things) at Antisleep Audio mixed it. I bet the Neurosis guys heard he was working on my album and that’s why they decided to go with him for their new one. Carl Saff mastered it because he masters like 40% of all recorded music. Anyways, I’ll ramble about all of this again in a week when I put out another music video and the full album. (Instagram hates links, so I guess I’ll just go fuck myself instead of posting links in the replies.) Then I’ll probably mention it once or twice more and then we’ll all forget about it and I’ll go back to talking about Robocop and Donald Fagen.

I have a new song called "I Don't Want to Fuck Up Your Heart Tonight" and here's a music video for it. My buddy @rickpettyvideo shot it and did a great job -- "of course he did," you're saying to yourself right now, "he gave the Seinfeld Poptarts movie 5/5 stars on Letterboxd." There's a link in my bio to the Bandcamp page where you can download the song (and since it's Bandcamp Friday, you might as well preorder the whole album, Another Fuckin' Miracle, for when it comes out on my birthday next month). The song has the f-word in the title, so every algorithm on the internet is going to completely ignore it. I miss when the internet was just a place you'd go to casually watch beheadings and flash cartoons instead of a place that gets fascists elected and makes Sleep Token famous. Anyways, I hope you see this. If not, I hope it's because you've decided to spend less time on the internet. ------------ I like to scream at pinball machines Like I have been doing since I was fourteen I rarely learn lessons that haven’t been taught by blood I’ve ground to dust a million good things My knees and my patience and my wedding rings And I just keep waiting to hear that you’ve had enough I don’t want to fuck up your heart tonight I'm trying hard, but I still might Patch by patch, scratch by scratch Reading Pale Fire and playing it back Match by match, crash by crash You’re a rebel, baby, you’re a maniac And I don’t want to fuck up your heart tonight Like “Crimson and Clover” it’s a love song, I’ll show ya Please stay forever or at least til it’s

NEW SINGLE! (And it’s Bandcamp Friday!) (But it’s also on all the other streaming places, too.) This is number 02/12 for the year, a little power pop jam for fans of Fountains of Wayne, betting on sports, the hard sync synth sound from “Let’s Go” by The Cars (or “Just a Girl” by No Doubt, I guess), getting drunk and singing “Lowdown” by Boz Scaggs on the front lawn of the girlfriend who owes you $30k, double-tracked guitar solos not unlike (but also quite unlike) Randy Rhoads, getting beat up by a guy with a tattoo of a snake wearing a suit, and an excessive amount of phaser-drenched guitar. Also, I know the song last month also had a parenthetical in the title. I’m nowhere near the bottom of my endless well of parenthetical titles, but I’ll cool it for awhile. The link is in the place where the link always is. While you’re here, leave a comment yourself just so this doesn’t get super buried like everything else on this godforsaken platform. Tell me what you’re all getting for Bandcamp Friday or how much you love Boz Scaggs or why you’ll never listen to this song. #powerpop #analogcollage #guitarpop

I wrote a song about needing an ouchie milk called “(I Need An) Ouchie Milk” and you can listen to it on Bandcamp like right now. Featuring Funkadelic-styled partytime background vocals from @jhess3000 and a Sunken Head (@stl_bob )! I was talking to someone about recording and they brought up the idea of actually releasing music, which seems stupid but I’m going to do it anyways. I’ve got dozens of tracks just lying around, so I’ll do one a month, a full album on my birthday in April, and then a full album again on Halloween. Then I’ll do it again next year and then the year after that I will be in prison for [REDACTED] a cop, at which point you have permission to listen to music by someone other than me. (And also please feed my dog.) The thing to click to hear the song is in the place where things go to be clicked on and the Al Ghorythm is so fucked that I have to do all this shit just in hopes you’ll see this post. What a world! #homerecording #funkrock #ouchiemilk

I only saw three new movies this year but here are my dozen favorite first-time watches from when I was able to peel myself away from recording songs about beef or wolverines or whatever the fuck And also here’s a full list of everything I watched: 90 movies with 26 rewatches (indicated by an asterisk)! This is a lot for me, as most of my time is sucked up by the aforementioned problem of home recording derangement syndrome and as recent as ten years ago I was often quoted as saying “Movies are fucking dumb and I hate watching them.” I take it back! Movies are all right sometimes! Wild At Heart* Bad Times at the El Royale Matchstick Men The Brutalist Hackers* Shock Em Dead* Mermaid in a Manhole Robocop* Heart Eyes Climax Red Rock West Drop Blow Out Ænigma Sixteen Tongues In the Mood for Love (x2) 964 Pinocchio Rear Window Sinners Children of Men The Strange Color of Your Body’s Tears The Vanishing The Long Kiss Goodnight Harper Valley PTA Chungking Express Fire Walk With Me* Happy Together Begotten Tank Girl* Electric Dragon 80000V The Untold Story Desperately Seeking Susan The Deer Hunter Society* After Hours A History of Violence Get Shorty Better Off Dead* Desperado* Final Destination* Kingpin* Hard Ticket to Hawaii* Final Destination 2* The Iron Rose Final Destination 3* Final Destination 4* Pump Up the Volume Final Destination 5* Red Dawn* To Live and Die In LA Crash Wayne’s World* Wings of Desire Companion Fresh Mr. Accident Disturbing Behavior Final Destination: Bloodlines River’s Edge Freaked Safe Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl O Rama Basket Case* Audition Mikey Married to the Mob Windy City Heat Sexy Beast Raising Arizona* The Killing of a Sacred Deer Heartbeeps Megalopolis Belly* Back to the Future* Back to the Future II* Cry-Baby* Night On Earth Tales From the Crypt (1972) The Frighteners* Something Wild The Conversation Dr. Caligari Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker In Bruges* Local Hero Kiss Kiss Bang Bang* Viridiana Out of Sight Moonstruck Peggy Sue Got Married

It’s the most wonderful time of the year: a new Rex Ferrari Christmas song! This is a BDSM holiday banger called “Mrs. Claws” for all the XXX-mas freaks. I engineered this for him in exchange for three points on the full length album when it comes out, though it might be awhile if these tax evasion charges stick. (The other legal troubles are already sticking, but I’ll let him explain that.) It’s on Bandcamp now and will be up streaming in a few days. This godforsaken site still sucks with links, but just check my stories and it’ll be there. Here are some more words from our hero: If this sounds bad it’s because I had to record it mostly through a phone in jail since apparently public urination can be a felony if you do it right. Anyways, enjoy this and toss a buck or two my way. I’m matching and donating all the funds made on this to For the Gworls, a nonprofit that fundraises to help Black trans people with rent, patient-centered medical care, smaller co-pays for medicines/doctor’s visits, and travel assistance. Stay nasty, Rex Ferrari / 10”

Century Guitars #38 showed up on my doorstep yesterday and it’s a fucking big time ripper. Looks like a Peave Patriot made for Robocop, but it was actually built from scratch for me! Buy a guitar or bass from Chris over at @centuryguitars so he can afford that second yacht.

DIRTY HELL is now on compact disc and also up on all the streaming places now! #ryanwerner #victorcayro #dirtyhell #prince #kiss #dirtymind #hotterthanhell #acefrehley #paulstanley #stanleytucci #bignight #tonyshalhoub #monk #theloniusmonk #jazz #queen #anightattheraces #anightwiththeracists #capitalism #morelikecharliejerk

I collaged an album cover for the power pop mix I just put in the Silver Ballroom jukebox. Went for all DEEP CUTS, baby! #powerpop #punk #mixtape #malepatternbaldness #collage #divorce #amcpacer #thewildone #rickenbacker #vox #sandwiches #lunch #dinner #smashmouth #agoraphobicnosebleed #ufc #bellator #romanreigns #uce #tightshirts #dumbpants

NEW ALBUM DAY! This is Dirty Hell, an interpretation of side one of Dirty Mind by Prince and side two of Hotter Than Hell by KISS. If you hate KISS, you might think I did a pretty good job. If you love Prince, my apologies in advance. It’s a “pay what you want” download on Bandcamp, but it should probably be free because I can’t think of two artists who love to have sex and sue people (unrelated actions) more than these two. Still, if you want to toss a bit of shrapnel in the ol’ bucket, I won’t argue. The link is where you think it is but I’m afraid to say it because of the other thing I’m afraid to say because we live in a technological hellscape. I’m realistic about how little this project interests anyone but me, so no harm done if you don’t listen, friends. I get it. At least do me a favor and share this post or put it on your stories and be like “I know this guy! He really has abs like that!!!” Cover art by the original c-shot kang @victor_cayro_art . It’s better than anything I make deserves. At least spread the word about Vic! Mixed and mastered by @samscholten99 at Fontaine Recording. He sifted through these songs where there’s sometimes like flanged claves and a dozen synths and a hundred vocal layers all happening at once and made me sound competent. I played all the stuff on here except the vocals on “Watchin’ You” which were done by Zach Hench. Originally this was supposed to have a different vocalist on every track, but I hate bothering people about singing on my goofy vanity projects. Zach did a great job and I think I could take him 3 games out of 7 on No Good Gofers. This will be up on the streamers next week and I’ll bother you about that then. Fingers crossed for some lawsuit publicity. #prince #kiss #dirtyhell #dirtymind #hotterthanhell #lawsuit #malepatternbaldness