Hello Clubspeople, I'm breaking character to write an update, mainly because I don't know what else I should be doing. I'm writing this having returned from the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Gateshead where my wife, Emma, is currently undergoing stoma surgery following a bowel cancer diagnosis. I'll be plying myself with Klix Machine coffees in between having mini meltdowns over the next few days.
She has a long road ahead of her with chemotherapy and radiotherapy, followed by further surgery. This came at us like a kick from a police horse and we're still attempting to wrap our heads around it.
However, she's stoic AF and hard as nails. She's also my absolute world having been together for since we were sixteen. Not being able to actively do anything to sort this out is tougher than the Science Quiz at the Conical Flask Welfare Club in The Teams.
As you might expect, @wmc.ne is going on the back burner while we navigate our way through this. Safe to say, becoming a member of this particular club is to be avoided and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
I'll be posting updates sporadically on my personal Instagram account @sheriffmitchell if you're wondering how Emma is getting on.
I'm very aware of potent power of art creation at difficult and challenging times, and I'm sure I'll come up with something to help raise money for @bowelcanceruk and @macmillancancer , who's information and incredible forums have been so helpful during the past few weeks. If anyone has any ideas do let me know because at the moment my head is b-b-battered.
Hope to see you down the Club in the not too distant future.
Oh, and #FuckCancer, obvs.
Andrew / Bobby
🚨Public Service Annoucement🚨
January is grim, end of. Everyone hates themselves and have warped their minds with thoughts of self improvement. Snack foods are out, booze is off the table and its all fish in foil and fizzy water. Look, I get it. We all over-cooked it during the festive period.
But imagine another way; imagine giving yourself a break. Stop lying to yourself about getting into them jeans or that jacket. It doesn't matter. Instead, imagine having a cutla drinks to celebrate getting through the first week back eh? Dial that mental chatter down and have a pint or two.
And where should you go? You guessed it; The #Club.
The first month of the year is a nightmare for clubs and pubs. Folk are skint 'cos they've all joined the gym paying the sign-up fee and that. But this weekend, divvint be taping your sped up exercise routine and posting it on here; just stop and sup local.
Visual artist Beak Toaster whipped up these lovely prints inspired by the joy of clubbing. Hopefully they'll get you all excited about your club trip.
"Stride into Club Majesty" – a captivating series of postcards portraying men and women heading to their local social clubs. Each image exudes timeless charm, bathed in the soft glow of yesteryear. Slogans overlay these scenes as rallying cries, infusing a sense of unity, joy, and pride into the heart of every neighborhood."
Step into the enchanting world of club culture this weekend. Nee Snackajacks or Müller Lights allowed.
Managed to grab a few screenshots from the 1983 edition of the 'Club Etiquette' instructional video series that was given to all new #clubmembers.
It's important to understand to club successfully, and this eight video set succinctly explained how to maximise your club experience.
They covered everything; club queueing, card inspection, seat allocation, meat draw appraisal. There was specific videos on #BingoPoise, how to watch the football, listening to jokes and tips on training bairns to drink.
All members were encouraged to review the videos four times a year to ensure they followed the rules and knew how to enjoy themselves.
The CIU stopped sending out the videos in 2016 which was a shame. I've seen definite slippage from some of the younger members since then.
Very quick as av got nee signal on this 3 Year Global Club Cruise. The boat has just left Aberdeen; The Riggers Sport and Social day trip was a hoot.
Anyways, me book is still held up with the publishers but av had so many messages about it I thought I'd share the link for you all in me bio.
Am at the Chairman's Table tonight and Richard Keys is giving a chest hair topiary class in the morning. Honestly, av never been busier. Glad I paid for the unlimited drinks package like, otherwise the windowless cabin would do me head in.
Right, have a deeks at the link. See you at The Club in a bit.
TTFN
#KingOfClubs
FIGHT NIGHT ALERT! @ West Allotment Servicemen's Club 🏆
Barry Thompson vs Jackie "Lightning" Stephenson with the CIU Champions Belt on the line.
Thompson, sporting a record of 7-2 from the unlicensed circuit, brings his notorious overhand right to the dance. The former meat packer from Byker has stopped his last three opponents, including a brutal second-round demolition of 76 year old Mick Wilson at the Pelaw Legion Club.
"This is proper fighting," Thompson told me over a plate of sponsor's Findus Crispy Pancakes at yesterday's weigh-in. "None of that fancy dancing. When that bell goes, someone's getting put to sleep."
🎟 Tickets available behind the bar
⏰ First bell 7:30pm
📍 West Allotment Servicemen's Club
#NorthEastUFC #SmallHallBrawl # #FightNight #Newcastle #CIUBelt #BoxingCommunity #GrassrootsUFC #BritishUFC #FindusCrispyPancakes #WestAllotment
Going through a box of photos I came across these from the much missed CIUBGBs Club up at Pontop Pike. The club was famed for it's Christmas Carol Concerts held throughout December. Lovely place but an absolute pig to get to in winter.
The Committee used to had our Methamphetamine tablets at the end of the night to help members with the trudge back to Leadgate bus station. Good times.
#socialclub #workingmensclub #christmas #clubmas
Took a stroll around the Aged Clubsman Houses in Killingworth last night as they've illuminated the Concrete Christmas Trees. Wonderful for the auld lads and lasses on the estate to see them all lit up. They've honestly never looked this good before. Well done to the CIU Lighting Crew.
#socialclub #concretechristmas #brutalist
Absolute scenes in the latest issue of the Club Journal. Investigative Reporter, Billy Winnit, goes inside one of the notorious CIU Black Sites. An incredible exclusive!
Rules are the lifeblood of every social club. Rulebreakers are met with scorn, derision and, most importantly, punitive justice. These Ne'er Do Wells are scooped up by the feared Secretary Teams and transported, by Chris Cooper Coaches, to one of these notorious gulags. I've heard one's in Seghill 🤷
Usually minuted as "Re-education Centres" in committee logs, it's here the in-mates are provided with just twelve daily pints, a scant sixty tabs a day, and owt they fancy off of Just Eat.
Two hours a day is dedicated to detailed lessons on football card etiquette, correct use of holding your phone in front of you like a like walkie talkie while on speakerphone and, I feel sick typing this, late sub payment. I'm all for it to be honest. Clubs don't just put up poorly formatted, grammatically incorrect A4 signs for nothing.
Billy said he asked the CIU Rule Malfeasance Department for a quote but they couldn't be arsed.
The new issue of Club Journal is on round Formica tables in your club now. Usually next to the Post-It Note with the original, incomprehensible WIFI password scrawled on it.
#socialclub #workingmensclub #clubjournal
A was looking at YouTube and found some of the auld adverts for Steady Ale, the official CIU drivers beer they used to stock in all clubs.
"A mild brew for miles of steady driving"
"The beer designed to steer you right"
"A beer for the road wise"
The beer, brewed by the Guild Brewery, was a 6.2% easy drinker fortified with 1500mg of methamphetamine in every pint ensuring focussed, alert and confident driving. I was a big fan of it while working on the waggons in the late seventies. Once it was withdrawn from the market in 1985, I had a few difficult weeks but a short stay at the Priory Clinic put me right. My treatment was even paid for from my club subs!
Interestingly, the Steady Ale adverts were the final work of famous director Orson Welles, and not the Hofmeister adverts, as some spurious internet authors would have you believe.
#steadyale #workingmensclub
#SocialClub #adverts
#1980s #simplertimes
Unlock the Power of Red Light Therapy with the CIU's Revolutionary Eye Mask: Redefine Your Limits!
Imagine the freedom of staying hydrated without frequent bathroom breaks! This advanced Red LED Therapy Eye Mask doesn’t just boost skin wellness and eye comfort; it’s also engineered to support bladder resilience like never before. Utilising scientifically calibrated red light wavelengths, this mask is designed to gently stimulate cellular activity, promoting better hydration balance across your body—and, yes, even helping to fortify your bladder's endurance.
Get ready to enjoy up to 20 pints before you even think about taking a break. Hydrate with confidence, live life unbounded, and experience freedom in every sip with the CIU's Red LED Therapy Eye Mask!
Drink freely. Live freely. Embrace the future of peeve wellness.
The lads at the Club were pissing themselves when Don brought his dog, OpalFruit, in this afternoon.
OpalFruit has just dodged a destruction order from the Crown Court for mauling eight bizzies at a Remembrance Day parade.
Gan on OpalFruit!
#ACAB
Eeeee there was nowt like a Tip Club Trip. One of by abiding memories is me dad loading up the Hillman with bags of tyres and chemicals to drop of at the incinerator at Blaydon Tip. There was none of these lads stood around checking reg numberson their iPads then telling you where to leave your shite. Instead, everything went in, either, the ground or The Devil's Maw as it was known.
Once you'd dropped everything off, it was straight to the Tin Mission for a quick four or five pints. Amazingly, the Tip Clubs where all owned and operated by the Council. Such a shame when the Court of Human Rights insisted on council waste operatives not being mortal when operating heavy machinery. The last one closed in 1997.
