Week 2 of AI For The People, a new Guardian newsletter in which I experiment with AI in different ways; to see if I can be persuaded the technology is anything other than a capitalist boondoggle that will lubricate our collective path to hell.
This week, I said the quiet part loud and challenged it to a writing competition. This was extremely exposing, and the results? Hmm. If you need me I’ll be in the canal. FULLY INSIDE IT.
Do look up the series if you’re interested! (Or order a machine to summarise it for you, and read back the results at 8.5x speed while you hit the gym.)
As I just spent 90 minutes utterly failing to teach her what ‘swiping’ is, I assume my mother is wearing this T-shirt to troll me. We decided to have a second Christmas in January, because January is horrid. She thinks crackers are quizzes, and answers them as seriously as she can.
Me: What did one wall say to the other wall?
Her: Don’t face me!!
Her response to ‘What is always on the ground but doesn’t get dirty?’ was ‘Dirt.’ Which might be genius, I don’t know. I noticed she has turned her baseball cap into a modern day flower crown. I don’t know much about art, and I know less than that about hers.
I wrote about The Muppets this week in my Watcher column. I just realised perhaps I love them so much because I am half-muppet. It’s matrilineal like Judaism!
Okay, let’s get into ‘pinch-zoom’. *sigh*
We're back!
If you think Tuscan Table 2025 looked fun, wait till you see what we've got in store for 2026.
October 3-10th in the heart of the countryside
Same gorgeous Italian villa, amazing food, pool and endless Aperol (all included) - same trio of loving gibbons as your hosts @whatsamadder@heawood and @adamjshak - and the same invitation to bring creative curiosity for storytelling/writing.
Enjoy the peace and/or the partying to your hearts content.
Copy and paste link below for more details: /the-tuscan-table-writers-retreat/
Shared occupancy: £1550
Single occupancy with shared bathroom: £1700,
Single occupancy with en suite: £1900
This includes all tuition, meals, drinks and snacks 24 hours a day.
Huge thank you to Michael Wharley for the amazing photos and filming! And to Phil’s Poole for the edit!
P.S Please remember - it's a holiday. Think workshops, tutorials, aperol, pool, food, relaxation, good conversation and silliness.
P.P.S We are not therapists, and this is in no way meant to be therapy for anyone. Except perhaps for the three of us...
@flo_shippey@hewittmdh@polly__evans@helenparker76@webabla@kerryjeanlister@amypacker1@georgie_dx@miasea@lozzarozzaturner@gina1rae@suzd182@ruddersrunaround@rothwell.annabel@lolafrears@beyourbird
When Belinda Carlisle said heaven is a place on earth, she wasn't being specific. She probably wasn't talking about the roundabout at Elephant & Castle.
She probably *was* talking about this exquisite gathering of storytellers and party-starters on the Tuscany-Umbria border last week. Never known a group like it. Precious jewels were shared, hearts opened, table danced on. Pretty sure everyone fell in love with everyone else. And the work that came out of it floored me. Play hard, write harder.
We discussed taking the word 'retreat' out of the description due to the amount of Aperol and wine consumed, plus Sophie's personality. But when I close my eyes, this is where I am, so I think it counts. Ooh baby, do you know what that's worth? EVERYTHING.
Hugest thanks to @villa_pia and my glam-squad co-hosts at @tuscanywritingretreat@adamjshak and @heawood and the amazing Tuscan Tablers, class of 25.
In fairness, they have redone the roundabout at Elephant. I dunno what it's like for cyclists now
#Gaza #palestine #prizes Prize Draw for Gaza
❤️Win Great Prizes! 🇵🇸Help a family to survive the ongoing genocide in Gaza❤️
✨This month’s draw: 📚signed books by Kevin Rowland of Dexy’s Midnight Runners, Rhik Samadder (The Guardian’s Mr Gadget), Courttia Newland (The Scholar and BBC Drama Small Axe), 💍silver jewellery worn by Ayesha Dharker, star of Bollywood Dreams and Star Wars: Attack of the Clones and a bottle of special reserve, 🥃20 year old single malt scotch whiskey from a boutique distillery worth £150!
/p/prize-draw-for-gaza
When I must make purchases I jazz things up by writing future me an encouraging note. Self-love doesn't have to be sane!! I once had rinse aid gift-wrapped. Perfectly normal, no further questions, can't wait for Valentine's Day
Come to the Tuscan table hungry - for stories, for connection, for inspiration.
We believe writing and eating well go hand in hand. So each meal, like each workshop, is prepared with care and creativity. Expect seasonal, locally-sourced feasts that are as nourishing as the conversations they inspire.
Last few spaces left to join our September 20th retreat designed to nourish both your craft and your soul.
Whether you’re working on a novel, a memoir, or just your creative practice, you’ll find space here. Space to think, to write, to walk, to share.
Nestled in the heart of Lippiano, days will be shaped by gentle workshops, some one-to-one mentoring, and plenty of unstructured time to write or wander.
In the evenings, we’ll share stories over exquisite food and maybe the odd glass of something.
Storytellers of all levels are welcome. If you’ve got the itch to write or get playful, we’d love to have you with us.
🔗 Link in bio for all the details and also:
/the-tuscan-table-writers-retreat/
#WritingRetreat #WritersOfInstagram #AmWriting #WritingCommunity #CreativeRetreat #WritersLife #NatureAndWords #WriteAndWander #StorytellingRetreat
Always get requests for pics of my mother's food so here:
1) Recent one was "Croc Chomping Man to feed its babies." The babies were sauce-less Itsu gyoza. Dryest meal of my long life.
2) "Classic omelette with surprise surprise." The surprise was 10 spring rolls. Twenty mins later she knocked on the door and offered me the 'real surprise'
3) The real surprise.
4) A butterfly landed on her and stayed. I know there's probably a sauce-less zoological reason, but I always think of it as an angel's kiss 🤍
This isn't a retreat just for polished writers and storytellers - it's for curious ones.
You don’t need a book deal, a writing degree, or even to think of yourself as a writer. You just need a suitcase and a pen.
Our last Tuscan Table was such a gorgeous mixture of people: Screenwriters, journalists, fiction and non-fiction authors, and plenty of people who just wanted to explore new ideas, meet new people and relax with incredible food in stunning surroundings.
This year looks to be just as varied, so if you want a summer adventure, join us from 20th-27th September @villa_pia
Copy and paste link for more details:
/the-tuscan-table-writers-retreat/
Been spending time with this birthday girl so here's the latest:
1. Wears full rain macs in all weathers and indoors just in case. This is her with her opera director
2) Gets treated in a homeopathic children's hospital
3) Invited her own friend round for lunch and served potato salad, dry falafel, dry bread, 3 x apples, 4 x Itsu seaweed thins, 2 X fishcakes with integrated mushy peas
4) Silver jacket to celebrate dusk
5) Asked if I wanted cereal or something warm and I said something warm so she gave me a quarter pounder with cheese at 10.21am
6) Wears full pink like Octogenarian Barbie
Happy birthday ma I love you never change 💞
News! Any one who wants to read my work- or is simply too distracted to actively avoid it- can find new columns every weekend.
I'm pleased to be in the Saturday Guardian, writing The Watcher, and in the Observer Magazine on Sundays, writing The Case For. You've got to have a laugh, don't you? You've. Got. To. Have. A. Laugh. Why aren't you laughing etc
Want to try writing, but crippled by self-doubt? Do you already have a writing project, but are too frazzled to put down your cellular telephone for more than 36 seconds? Do you just want an all-inclusive holiday in Tuscany with Aperol on tap?
WE GOT YOU.
Come to The Tuscan Table, a writing retreat for all. You'll join a community of fellow creatives, for a week of exercises, discussion and classes. The emphasis is on fun, encouragement, and inclusion.
Tuscan Table is run by Adam Shakinovsky, Sophie Heawood and Rhik Samadder, bestselling authors and multiform storytellers. They're also platinum legends. (Sophie once told me that as a youth she snowboarded to "championship standard," but later that night I saw her fall over a cat bowl and apologise to a hat stand. Like I say, natural storytellers.)
The award winning Villa Pia has en suite and shared rooms, a pool, library, staff on hand, multi-course Italian feasts at every meal, and unlimited alcohol, all included.
If you'd like to join us for this unforgettable week, Sep 20- 27th, the link is in bio. We'd love to see you!
