Two heroes that are so sexy, @people couldn’t choose just one for their cover. Introducing a completely new category – America’s Sexiest Dynasty. Not since Kirk and Michael Douglas have we seen such sizzling Father-Son hunks!
Internet trolls beware, your reckless behavior online will now have consequences! Moving forward, posting any unflattering Homelander memes will be flagged by Crime Analytics and you will have to answer for your crimes. Punishment may be even greater if you have also liked multiple Starlighter posts!
But wait, there’s more! How Deep is too Deep? Can you be so Deep that you dig to the other side of the world, and now you’re shallow? Well, that’s no problemo for the Deep, who will always be Deep. Literally. Here’s more Deep Thoughts!
Effective immediately, Homelander has disbanded The Seven in favor of a more efficient, streamlined approach. He has always been our greatest hero, and no longer needs the help of others to protect this great nation. One might wonder if his back hurts from carrying the team all these years, but lucky for us, he doesn’t feel pain!
There’s only one man great enough to reboot the entire universe. And he was kind enough to sit down recently with @hollywoodreporter to discuss shelving Phases 7 through 19, and what comes next. Vought Studios has never been stronger with his creative vision!
We trust that right now, the angels on high are singing the name of Homelander. And lucky for us, we have the voice of an angel in Oh Father to “Raise Him Up” here. Watch his full performance and stream the song that’s already climbed to the top of the Voughtify charts!
Crime Analytics is aware of images circulating that appear to be red beams in locations around the world. And with our proprietary technology, Vought can confirm these are NOT heat vision rays, but merely AI-generated images and/or UFOs. Homelander has been hard at work in New York and Washington D.C. and would never be reckless enough to fire into the sky like this!
Here’s one from the archives featuring an original hero, Bombsight. He and his good friend Soldier Boy not only kept America safe from Communists, but also were the face of many new revolutionary products like this one. Then and now, you can always trust a hero-recommended brand!
Firecracker was a defender of honest, common sense straight talk. But tragically, Starlight doesn’t want you to know the truth, so she murdered Firecracker in cold blood. Rest in power Firecracker. We’re sure you’re soaring to Heaven on the wings of an eagle!
As gas prices continue to skyrocket, Deep has taken matters into his very muscular hands. He’s worked with Vought Petroleum to open a brand new, eco-friendly pipeline in Alaskan waters that will deliver gas to your tank and extra cash to your wallet. The Deep says sea life is stoked with America’s Energy Independence!
Introducing the Deepest popcorn bucket ever created. Stick your hand in to get a fistful of hot, buttery popcorn ready to make your screening of Deep: Secrets of Atlantis even more dope. Available exclusively at VMC Theatres, not included with ticket purchase!
Sorry Manhandlers, no new episode today – Noir had a scheduling conflict and couldn’t record! So here’s a clip from a recent episode to tide you over. Stay strong, stay independent, stay sigma!
