I may not be the best mountain athlete, skier, or hiker or partner or friend or lover or daughter or cousin or person, but you should see me on some loose, exposed 5.7 rock in the Tetons. Can I put choss boss on my resume, along with my expertise in coyotism and living so far below my means that I’m the richest person you’ll ever see in a ratty visor?
I decided that the day I stopped pooping blood (f**k GI autoimmune diseases) would be the day I soloed the SW Ridge of Symmetry Spire to a ski descent of the 4th class couloir. Well, it didn’t happen until July so the south facing coulie was free of snow. I skied the approach coulie instead. I put skis on my feet for the first time 3 seasons ago, and ski blades a couple months ago, so the descent was way more exciting than the climbing. I onsight soloed this ridge a couple years ago during a Picnic Triathlon with treefighter and friends. (We called it the Symnic) It was nice to come back in good health, solo the route again, and add a ski descent in July. I stashed my skis and boots somewhere up there, so I’ll be back for a second lap soon..
Choss boss back with another one.. if you’ve ever thought about climbing the long Black Dike on Middle Teton, put your thoughts to rest because I’ve done it for you and made a POV loose-rock-asmr vid so you can experience the terror of Teton 5.6. I ended up turning around and down climbing the route because rappelling is dangerous, irresponsible, and sets a bad example. If you do this route, which I do not recommend unless you like adventuring up thousand feet of runout choss, bring some extra tat to replace those anchors because I totally did not. 🫣
Yeah, I meant for this to be the cheesiest thing possible because that’s exactly what I feel for this place— the most unwavering, undying cheesiest love one can muster up for their favorite coffee spot in the Rockies, (the Petzoldt Caves in Garnet Canyon). Shoshone and other tribes were chilling around this canyon for thousands of years after the glaciers receded, hunting, vision questing, surviving, and here we are today - paying homage, walking in their footsteps, waiting for the change of seasons..
Thinking about this place today. Idaho’s Joshua tree. Similar piles or rocks, different ecosystem. Way smaller, and yet more biological diversity. 2.5 billion years in the making. And here I am today, like an intrusive body of magma, getting to move through them the way I choose. Thanks for having me.
Who the hell let these dirty hippie commie dirtbags run unsupervised in some dusty climbing village in the Mexican desert? Who told them it was okay to escape rent, jobs, and taxes to climb stone monoliths? Shame them back to being contributing members of society like they’re supposed to be… Anyway, I’m back in the great American Hellscape grasping to pieces of a distant dream the way you cling to a bout of dejavu as it slips away. Recalling each quest thru cactus and thorns and tattered fixed lines to have ephemeral moments on eternal bodies of stone, fleeting family dinners in a protected desert paradise — only slightly out of reach of smog veiled stars, civil unrest, and political turmoil that engulfed our neighboring cities in Mexico for a bit and still do further away. As I awake from my fun little Mexican wet dream, I’m reminded that everything shall pass, saying goodbye is inevitable, and constantly escaping to a protected bubble in a desert, beach, or mountain town, is a continuum. There is no alternative for me. It’s either this or the end, and I’m lucky as hell it’s this. The memorial plaques around the canyon of fallen climbers is a stark reminder that the brevity of life should lend itself to living it fully with each other, so climb that goddam mountain with your homie. it will remain there waiting for you forever — a certainty among few in these times…
Just seeing if I still remember how to work these things. (Skis, job, driving a car on the right side of road…etc) First run of the season. Who knew having giant wooden sticks on yr feet could feel so freeing. Also Blind Melon is underrated.
