Since 10 January 2026,
my heart has not known peace.
I keep trying to be strong.
I keep trying to smile.
I keep trying to act like I am okay.
But the truth is…
I have been breaking ever since I lost my dad.
One minute I am fine,
the next minute I am drowning in tears
so heavy it feels like my chest is collapsing.
I did not just lose my dad.
I lost my safe place.
I lost my comfort.
I lost the only man who truly wanted me
to be better than him.
I lost the one person I could talk to about anything
without fear of being judged.
I lost the man who told me the truth
no matter how hard it was,
because he loved me that deeply.
And now he is gone.
That is the part that destroys me.
Knowing that no matter how badly I need him,
no matter how badly I want to hear his voice,
ask him questions,
run to him for comfort,
or just see him one more time…
I cannot.
People say time heals,
but this pain still feels as cruel
as the very first day.
It still feels like yesterday.
It still feels unreal.
It still feels like a nightmare
I should have woken up from by now.
The world keeps moving,
but my heart is still stuck
on the day I lost him.
A part of me left with my dad that day,
and I do not think that part of me is ever coming back.
I miss him in the quiet moments.
I miss him in the loud moments.
I miss him when life hurts.
I miss him when something good happens.
I miss him when I need advice.
I miss him when I need comfort.
I miss him in ways
words will never fully explain.
My heart is shattered.
My soul is tired.
And no matter how much I try to hold myself together,
the truth remains the same:
I miss my dad
more than these tears,
more than these words,
more than this broken heart
will ever be able to explain. 💔
Today is my birthday, but my heart feels heavier than ever. This is my first birthday without my dad to call me, pray for me, and remind me how much he loved me. Instead, all I have now are memories and silence. Losing him on January 10 broke something inside me that I don’t think will ever fully heal.
This year has been the hardest year of my life. I smiled in places where I was secretly hurting, laughed around people while fighting tears inside, and carried pain I could never explain to anyone. Some nights I stayed awake thinking about how life can change so suddenly. One moment you have someone, and the next moment you’re learning how to live without them.
Birthdays used to feel special to me, but today I realize how much a person can be surrounded by people and still feel empty inside. The truth is, a part of me left with my dad the day he died.
Still, through all the pain, God has kept me alive. I may not understand everything right now, but I’m grateful for the strength to keep moving forward even when my heart is tired. I’m praying that this new age brings healing, peace, and better days because this year has tested me in every possible way.
Happy birthday to me.
