“IT WAS WHAT IT IS” - new Milieu Lust EP out now.
These songs remain for me & ill leave it at that. This is conceptually one piece. catharsis was the goal, but this exists at all due to those that helped & its worth finally sharing simply because of that:
russy - your ability to gas up a homie, continues to be an incredibly infectious feeling. ty for helping with the initial steps of getting this started/ hyping up my busted ass voice.
sammy - i’m half convinced i write in weird tunings/ find new chord shapes, just to watch you try to decode them on piano. ill always look back fondly on playing these acousticly at your kitchen table & you making space just to listen.
thank you both for always helping me feel so comfortable, especially at a time that I was quite vulnerable. Recording with y’all is at the core of this project, and your mixing/production sonically feels like how I perceive myself. like I’m wearing my flyest drip. Its g’damn magic.
claire - it felt so so special to have you singing, and long overdue. i love the way you blended with the rasp. I will always smile thinking back to you recording on your tippy toes in the studio.
octie - having you get behind these weird songs, is cooler to me than a pitchfork perfect 10 lol. I had that drum machine for months, but you found a depth to them I didn’t even know was there. tysm for putting so much care into them. also it was you that helped convince me not to shelf this, which I got mad love for.
dyev - i loved giving a few loose suggestions, and it feeling like a gift how you were able to twist that, subtly making very specific textures/harmonies/ creating samples that mean something to no one else but us.
And gil - So stoked to have this as my first Windowsill release!!! Everyone that’s ever played music with me - knows damn well to take away the mic when asked “what are these songs about”. You officially know more about me than any therapist does in the last several years. I’ve told you this many times, but fr, tysm for that receptiveness & guiding this release process.
TLDR; forfeit your mantra for fast food lasagna.
&tysm to all that listen <3
new Milieu Lust single “plstc cmtry flwrs” out now 🥀
Wrote this last winter. Lyrically it’s a collage.. Control as a response to uncertainty. Digital immortality. Fear of endings. Manufactured meaning. obsessing with leaving something behind..
Not directly related, but having a paralyzed vocal cord for several months this past year, was absolutely shaping my perspective. I was given another chance at life, yet suddenly, not able to communicate. It was a lot to hold. It was unknown whether itd come back fully. I was trying to make peace with that possible truth.
We are in constant flux. constantly changing & becoming. These songs were me attempting to own it. How much are we willing to push to still do the things we love?
Yes, slowly, my voice did come back. I’m grateful and all is well presently.
but time is like amnesia. most days I don’t even feel like the same person who lived through any of this. Listening now: it’s a check in. a reminder that any of this could go away again. And thats ok. and worth pausing to recognize.
full ep “IT WAS WHAT IT IS” out Jan 23rd on @window_sill_recs
<3
Plastic cemetery flowers
They never lived, they’ll never die
They never grieved, they never cried
If nothing fades, then nothings real
If nothing breaks, then nothing heals
If nothing ends, then nothings true
A simulation built, for god knows who
Impermanence is all I want
A weightless echo staring blankly at a screen at a river that’s paved over but they kept the sound of water
Imitations all we got
Let it breathe, let it rot
Mocking death just out of fear
Mocking love you once could feel
Try to deny what should decay
Try to control
Try to stop change
Try to replicate reality with shallow symbols and no meaning
Please sell me my memories
Remove ourselves from any pain
To be embalmed while your alive
To free yourself, to free up time
Impermanence is what i want
Knowing lifes unknowingness
Unknowingness cures ignorance
Impermanence where did you go
Impermanence
credits:
Song/Lyrics/Guitar/Bass/Vox by me
Vox: @agardenofsorts_
Rec/Prod/Guitar/Vox: @russypooh_
Rec/Prod/Mixin/Masterin/Keys: @samuelnobles
Drums: @brianbrucewillis
Art/video: @buenapuente
Some life updates.. On Nov 12th, I’ll be getting my 3rd heart surgery. These have all happened in less than 3 years, and I’ve dealt with it on an almost daily basis in that time period.
As you can imagine, it’s been... a lot.
I’ve finally made an info/fundraiser page (link in bio), explaining what’s happened, why, and how I’ve processed it all. It also has a fun picture timeline of lots of good moments from these last few years. I hope it helps explain everything.
At points it’s been easy to let this become my entire identity. You can get lost in navigating chronic illness. Feels like years of my life have been on hold. One day I’m celebrating overcoming obstacles, the next, I’m back in the OR. So it goes.
But the truth is, it is a part of me and always will be. I’m a multiple heart surgery survivor. This is MY story. I’m learning to own it, regardless of outcome, while still acknowledging everything else that I am. Acceptance is a long road.
Amidst it all, I’ve actually been pretty dang good. This may seem heavy and bleak, but it doesn’t have to be. I’m alive, in love, and surrounded by an amazing community of friends and family. What more can I ask for? Our ability to adapt and persevere no matter the circumstances is impressive. All is well.
I’ve known this was needed for over a year and I’ve worked hard to make sure I’m doing the right thing. I’m going into this confident, educated, and with peace.
At the very least, my scar is going to look even more badass than before.
Please note my page is not to fund the surgery itself (state insurance covers that). Grateful for the support I’ve been given these last few years & it proved more useful than anticipated due to complications in past recoveries.
It’s conflicting asking for help, again.
I don’t want to come off like I’m monetizing my suffering. If you choose to donate, I really do appreciate it, but the link includes other ways you could assist too.
Looking forward to getting this finally re-fixed, hopefully for the last time, so I can make some more space for all that has yet to unfold. May being vulnerable in posts like this help me brave the great unknowns of life with an open heart.
✌🏼
