1. Confirmation of the worst from our street’s group chat
2. The moment I knew our street was in trouble
3. Neighbours encouraging each other to evacuate
4. Google street view at one time
5. Enjoying the sunset just days before our house burnt to the ground.
Yes we are lucky that all our loved ones are safe but it’s also okay to be upset. Particularly when there is grief and longing that lived in the clothing, the cupboards, the DIY projects, the fabric, the notes, and various things belonging to my late husband. And the girls’ mother. Items that were not yet fully absorbed and not yet preserved by their daughters.
This fire and the others are life altering events for the community and Los Angeles. I am moved by the dedication of the emergency services working in the most wicked extremes I’ve ever seen. Going to try to be stubbornly grateful for my family, pets, friends, work and community. ❤️💔
#palisadesfire
A year ago today. 💔I can’t tell if it’s a blink of an eye or a lifetime or just that it’s still happening…But I miss him. My handsome, mischievous, infinitely curious, turn life up to the max husband, Stephen.
Obviously this past year was going to be a challenge but it hit in ways I didn’t anticipate. One is that I often feel a profound loss of purpose, not just the loss of my life partner.
This fiercely independent soul trusted me, with all his heart and his most vulnerable moments, to care for him and with him during his brave and gruelling journey. And even in the midst of his worst suffering he never let me forget or wonder how much I mattered to him.
I don’t always have that kind of access to generosity during suffering but he inspires me to try:
His daughters KC and Lexi mean the world to me. 💕 I love them and keep learning lessons from them and from him through them.
His mom and his family that include me in their life and celebrations mean more than they know.
Support and understanding from my boss and my work has been a lifesaver.
Love and patience from friends new and old, my big sister and family, and especially my mom, mean everything and have saved me from too much introversion 🛟🧡
The folks that dropped a heart, made me laugh or extended a hand made me feel connected again. 🙏🏼
The ‘purpose’ thing will grow in time but I’m deeply grateful for all the different shows of support and love. Now I will go and celebrate some of the delightfully random and outrageous times I had with my hubby Mr. Cord #youmeantheworldtome ❤️🩹
Indeed the most lovely day with these two wise, fun and free spirits @tamzinbrown@juliancmiller33 . I get months of healing and life affirming energy from our visits. Grateful for our what like 20+ year friendship? Lucky me 🫶🏼🌿✨💚💚💚
My husband Stephen. 💔 I’ve loved him since we met in July 2014. Sometimes we went down different paths but we couldn’t shake each other…and married on June 24. He lost the fight on September 14.
Feeling lost right now but the sharp edges will soften over time and I’ll carry on. I am blessed to have an amazing group of loved ones that finds ways to support me even as they deal with their own grief.
Pray that this is the deepest my valley goes and remember to hug your loved ones. I hug you all virtually 🫶🏼
Maxdog is gone. 💔
On Thursday the ultrasound showed tumours and his thorax full of fluid. Devastated. My most dreaded fear arrived.
But when the time came, he rested against my chest, looked into my eyes and I got to soothe him to sleep. I can’t explain it but… it felt like his spirit entered my heart and he curled up peacefully inside. Forever my good boi 💔❤️🌈
