Addiction/alcoholism isn’t just a bad decision on repeat, it’s a full-blown brain glitch that convinces you the thing that’s killing you is actually helping you cope. And recovery? That’s not a battle, it’s a war, a war with your own thoughts, your own habits, and your own past. The hardest part of recovery? Most people don’t get it. Recovery is invisible. There’s no cast on your arm, no stitches to show. Just a daily battle happening inside, trying to rewire a hijacked brain. And because they can’t see it, a lot of people judge it. They call addicts and alcoholics weak, reckless, selfish, without ever realizing that addiction isn’t a moral failure. It’s pain with no off switch. It’s survival mode gone haywire.
However, like any other disease, what people don’t see is the accountability recovery demands. It demands you hold yourself accountable to doing whatever it takes to recover. There is no space to be a damsel in distress, you have to be the heroine. You don’t just quit drinking…you sit with every mistake, every shame spiral, every feeling you used to numb. There’s no fast-forward. No pause. Just you and everything you tried to bury. You have to feel it all, and that’s brutal. But that’s also where the healing happens. That’s where I learned how to forgive myself. And it’s where I learned how to reclaim my own story. It’s not perfect or pretty, but it’s invaluable and no one has a right to my story but me.
I’ve lived every moment of it, the highs, the blackouts, the guilt, the growth. It’s mine. Not for gossip, judgment, or anyone else’s comfort. I choose to be transparent about my journey with alcohol dependency, not because I owe anyone an explanation, but because I know what it feels like to be lost in it, to think you’re the only one struggling, the only one who can’t “just stop,” the only one silently drowning while the world keeps drinking.
So, yeah, I speak up for the person still suffering in silence.
And let’s be clear: this story is a gift I choose to give. Not a burden I have to justify
PSA: Vulnerable Post
3.5 years waking up without a hangover! Recovery has been an incredibly difficult but rewarding journey. I’ve learned more about myself and my body in the last few years than I ever could have imagined. While it can be hard to be vulnerable about my experience with alcohol dependency and Rehab, I want anyone who has ever struggled with any kind of substance abuse to know you aren’t alone. I unfortunately had to make a few hard sacrifices, and lose even more, to come to terms with having a drinking problem. I owe my life to the combo of: my personal commitment to myself and my growth + understanding that, for me personally, alcohol has a destructive influence on my health and success+ my incredible support system + Rehab. I have found immense strength in allowing myself to seek help. There is ZERO shame in wanting/needing help. Healing is not linear. Growth is ever evolving. Change is inevitable. Alcoholism can be a difficult experience to share, particularly considering how greatly misunderstood it really is. It’s definitely the longest battle I’ve ever fought, and it’s a battle admittedly I’ll be fighting for the rest of my life. But it is worth every second. I still make sober mistakes and sometimes get socially anxious, I’m human. But I’m me. Recovery has taught me to avoid chasing the dream of “finding myself” when in reality I had the power to create her all along. It has given me the confidence to be myself and be selective with the people, places, and experiences I give my time to. My happiness is finally entirely my own. And while I still have bad days, my good days are a million times better. But what I really want people to understand is that the harsh reality of my recovery is I probably wouldn’t be where I am today w/o my incredible support system. If you or anyone you know is struggling, know that it’s ok to be lost. Its ok to need help dealing with mental health. Its ok to not know how to be happy on your own right now. It’s ok to fall over and over again. Just keep getting back up. And if you need someone to lift you up, ask. Help others. Be kind. You never know where someone has been, or what they are going through now.
Brother Appreciation Post: my biggest supporter and the one who’s challenged me the most, a very humbling combination.
He’s my favorite travel partner, a professional challenger of ideas, someone who refuses to let me think small, and the person who’s positively pushed me to grow more than anyone else. I’m a better human because of him. Also his biggest fan. Proud is an understatement. Going to miss you kid.
**yes I will still be calling him frequently to fix any car and technical issues, thank youuu
I wasn’t radicalized. I was raised at tables where I didn’t fully understand the language, but I always understood the love.
I learned early what it feels like to not quite belong, and what it feels like to be welcomed anyway.
When you grow up inside cultures that aren’t your own, “foreign” stops meaning threat. It just means someone else’s story.
That kind of nurture doesn’t make you “extreme.” It makes you unwilling to dehumanize what’s unfamiliar.
Growing up outside the U.S.A. taught me to see it not as perfect or doomed, but as human: complicated, messy, and still full of beauty. When I moved to the U.S., my goal was to explore and learn as much as I could about “my home country.” What I discovered is that its contradictions don’t diminish it, they define it, and make it profoundly human.
Every country carries contradictions: hope and hardship, community and conflict, beauty and brokenness. History shapes these contradictions, and globalization makes them inevitable, no nation exists in isolation, and the more we connect, the more we share both challenges and opportunities.
What matters most is choosing curiosity over fear, connection over division.
The world feels bigger when we stay curious, stay open, and let people different from us expand it. You don’t have to shrink yourself to fit into a world big enough for us all.
📸 @heyyitspatty
Movement is medicine and I’m pretty sure kids have cracked the code.
The world kinda feels like it’s on fire, and yeah, it’s critical to stay informed (And VOTE). But also? Take breaks like a kid. You can both play your part in society and just play. I mean seriously, they just move through the world unfiltered, unembarrassed, fully present. Go have fun, make something messy, laugh at dumb stuff. I’ve been coping by letting my inner child take the wheel, and honestly… she’s handling things better than adult me ever did. While I may be mentally 13 going on physically 30, believe it or not, this is what growth looks like.
“However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light.” – Stanley Kubrick
Fun fact: “Atmospheric rivers are long, narrow bands of concentrated moisture in the atmosphere that act like rivers in the sky, carrying massive amounts of water vapor that are released as rain or snow when they make landfall. Size and scope: The amount of water vapor they can carry is comparable to the flow of some of the largest terrestrial rivers, with some carrying more water than the Amazon River.” For us, 12 miles of consistent rainfall. It’s not just rain, it’s science in motion. You’re literally walking through a high-speed firehose of airborne ocean water that’s traveled thousands of miles to crash into a mountain range… and your rain jacket. Everything comes alive: mist curling through trees, streams roaring to life, light shifting every few seconds. It’s cinematic, chaotic, and oddly peaceful. As someone who is borderline allergic to the sun, 10/10 for those who prefer love those damp, dramatic, and slightly apocalyptic hikes.
