ANXIETY is often considered as a pathology rather than a symptom. In psychoanalytic thought it’s conflict of the mind.
So much of our lives require constant sensory input and we barely question how this affects mental state, until there is an issue. The symptoms become too strong to ignore. There is a very relevant reason all emotions exist, the question of balancing them comes down to more than genetic predisposition, but the way our values support or contradict with our struggles.
Raising children adds another pressure, a place for expectations to be pushed onto the next generation and previous unexplored pain points to be activated. Everything we do, the way we move, talk and exist is what teaches them, rarely are they listening to the words coming out of our mouths.
Not passing on emotional behaviours means self work.
The ultimate form of self care.
What is the ego?
The ego is a negotiator and a moderator, trying to maintain coherence while responding to pressures of inner and outer needs. It lies within consciousness, but not ruling it. It exists within the self, but not equivalent to it. The self includes unconscious forces, embodied habits, memories, and affect that exceed what the ego can articulate or control. There is so much emphasis in mastering the self in contemporary culture but little consideration is given to the specificity of its formation. In a month governed by the renewal of goals, knowing the why, as well as understanding meaning, behind thoughts and beliefs is at the heart of actioning change.
Things to consider when having a baby and the expectation to desire, bounce back or feel the same way… is the brain undergoes a process of pruning that is unlike anything a normal adult brain experiences, there is the fundamental systemic family change that brings new challenges and shifts the focus. What sex serves for the couple is important to define. If a mother’s mind is fixated on the jobs to be done, the idea of play, pleasure and curiosity is going to diminish. Sex is a space for many things and has many different roles from pleasure, to connection, procreation to erotic othering. The conflict of need can be a hard conversation, but hard conversations, like sex are a potent part of a healthy relationship.
Are sex and soul love separate? The Lacanian view supposes that to love, we need to be at one with our own being first, in order to pay homage to the other. It poses questions… Is sex a physical act and love a state of being? Does the communication sex offers facilitate the connectivity of loved ones? Is sex escape, pursuit of desire, connection or symphonic. I think it symbolizes something unique for all of us. Thoughts?
How many people are in uncomfortable friendships? Negative thirdness in a three-person friendship arises when two person bond excludes the third. This alliance creates imbalance, insecurity, and subtle competition. The excluded friend feels peripheral, while the aligned pair gains power. Such dynamics often erode trust, encourage resentment, and destabilize the group’s overall harmony, and emotional well-being. Triangles exist in many relationships and there can be also the victim- savior-persecutor. The way they stay in this form is when the behavior is not noticed and unconscious #questionstoaskmytherapist
Is cheating a dealbreaker in relationships? What are your thoughts?
Let me break down a little bit on what a seemingly destructive action addresses in a relationship. Please comment your thoughts below #thingstoaskmytherapist
Building connection and community is one of the best ways to mitigate feelings of loneliness in our emotional world. This is why I want to start talking about the questions that come up regularly and start sharing some therapy advice with you all. All human are unique and have their own gifts but we all share some fundamental similarities. So here goes. #questionsformytherapist
Self-knowledge requires pain and suffering in order to get to a place where it feels essential to challenge one’s inner darkness. There is always the urge I hear from patients to be ‘rid’ of the negative emotions but accepting oneself and the whole choir or emotions and thoughts is the way to achieve clarity and peace within ❤️ Send this to someone who needs to hear it this Monday #thingsmytherapistsays
The part of therapy that scares people is the potential of change. It’s easier to stay with the suffering you know than end up with a new suffering you don’t. Repeated patterns of thought act like a figure 8 - the number of infinity. The dance of the unconscious and conscious mind is complex and therapy is a process, a routine, a commitment, a bond built and a safe space where emotions can be felt, explored and held
There is much debate and difference between psychoanalytic thinking and science - one being more biological and the other understanding the inner complexity of thought and emotions. What science gives us is biological certainty with the absence of emotional nuance.
This is why the marriage of neuroscience and psychoanalytic thought gives me so much in my work with mothers because it’s the only time the adult brain changes so profoundly (apart from Neurodegeneration) pruning and adapting for the next phase of life.
The structures of patriarchal thinking can run deep in the unconscious mind. Biology doesn’t care so much about constructs like feminism and the process of child birth and the early months of baby care remain a ‘woman’s job’. In so many family structures the mother can become objectified as a figure whose identity is silently and vastly defined by the needs of her children and family. On the polarizing opposite end is the mother whose need to flip the script and maintain independence and autonomy asserts power by rejecting societal norms. This may mean no maternity leave, ending breastfeeding early… where one woman’s choice meets another’s can be so different. Neither mother is wrong, but in both types of mother can be many complex emotions of guilt, shame and pressure and judgement internally and externally. This can be a good place to start.. asking the question of why this style chosen feels right and understanding decisions in order to reinforce agency and bring awareness to action, rather than continue patterns learned as a default reaction.
