HUGE MASSIVE THANK YOU TO ALL OF THE CUSTOMERS THAT MADE IT POSSIBLE TO MAKE MY DREAMS COME TRUE! @lpontheleft@drfantasty@marcusparks@eddietunes I COULDN’T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU GUYS!!
THERE'S A NEW COFFEE IN TOWN—or, well, kinda new. That's right, in collaboration with @springheeldjackcoffee we bring you our NEW "BUTTERFLY DUDE'S BLUE-EYED BLEND!" Featuring our new legally-ambiguous spokesmonster, this wonderful blend of Panama beans brings you the same delicious flavor profile you've come to expect—in fact, it's the same delicious flavor profile as our previous coffee blend, but now with Butterfly Dude instead of a different cryptid we are legally not allowed to name. Justice!
Get your bag at the link in our bio! 🦋
Label art by @pat_roison :)
WADDUP EVERYONE! I’m going to be back in Ohio this weekend because Spring-Heel’d Dad has been diagnosed with stupid, shitty cancer and he’s starting treatment on Monday. We are going to all see LONGLEGS together before he starts feeling like total shit. So send him positive vibes / prayers to Satan / healing crystal energy if you can!
So keep on ordering if you want them beans but just know it’s going to be a bit longer than usual this week! I’ll keep you all posted about how he’s doing because he’s probably packed your coffee order at least once before, and coffee package specialists are the backbone of our society 🖤 CANCER HAS NO POWER HERE
Pictured above is my dad being strangled by a ghost at the Missouri penitentiary ghost tour
ROASTIN SAMPLES AND HOPING I CAN GET NEW BEANS IN THIS WEEK 🖤🖤🖤🖤
Also trying to do this before the new foreverwar energy crisis causes coffee prices to spike lol 🤪
My goal for this year is to build a Gundam, possibly a MechWarrior, out of pallets and burlap. I will use this Gundam to do (METAPHORICAL) battle with the govt and force the full release of the unredacted Epstein files.
You can support me in this endeavor simply by buying coffee, which will necessitate more green bean purchases and thus more pallets to add to my Gundam!!
ORDER THEM BEANS IF YOU WANT THEM BY THE 25TH!! This is how big the orders are this year, less than one batch will fit in my SUV so it’s a little crazy.
Coffee is a great gift to let your friends and family know that the coffee they drink SUCKS and that they should drink something GOOD because you LOVE THEM
CURRENTLY ON BATCHES ‘E’ AND ‘F’ OF THE $3 HONDURAS SAMPLES!! so get those orders in cause I don’t know how much more experimenting I can do with these BEANZ
And make sure you give me feedback on the beans trust me u don’t want to betray me 🔪 heh… nothin personnel, kid 🩸🗡️
GUESS WHAT… I HAVE A HALLOWEEN TREAT FOR YOU ALL 🎃🎃🎃🎃
Doing super cheap experimental samples again! This time I’m doing two 4-oz bags for $3 so you get to try two batches of this new Honduras bean AT THE SAME TIME
It’s live on the site and I’ll have it up for a bit so no rush! Also if you have an outstanding order I haven’t filled just hit me up and I can add the samples to your order 🖤
I went as the big Lebowski again because it’s the easiest costume in the whole world
GUYS I AM HERE TO SAY SHIT SUCKS, BUT IM NOT RAISING PRICES - I actually feel kinda embarrassed trying to advertise my coffee beans when things like FOOD and ELECTRICITY are either getting more expensive or are being actively dismantled by the government? It’s been weird, to say the least!
BUT I WANT TO LET YOU ALL KNOW THAT I AIN’T RAISING PRICES (unless the bean situation gets pretty dire) because even as my green coffee costs are rising, I’m still holding out hope that maybe these tariffs are ruled unconstitutional, which they are, and maybe this Republican WAR ON COFFEE will finally end. I’m not holding out hope there but whatever, there are bigger problems in the country, like people being disappeared off the streets and due process being ignored. My goal has always been to be your daily coffee and not coffee that’s a special treat, and now even Folgers is like $20 so it’s getting crazy being a bean wizard.
If you are using the power of Halloween to conduct a ritual, please consider including an incantation to maybe lower the coffee commodity market to a reasonable level. THANK YOUUU, I truly love you guys! I’ll probably be making more posts that are just my stream of consciousness about coffee stuff, I think that will be healthy for me! And you guys can feel more connected to me, YOUR BOY, YOUR #1 COFFEE BOY
NEW STICKERS IM PUTTING IN ORDERS FOR FREE~~ all you gotta do is order some beans! No promo code or whatever. Just a lil gift special for you (and the 499 other people that will get stickers)
Art by @mrgn_studio !
