@justkiyana_ & @justronae at Pride 2025 on medium format film 👩❤️💋👩🏳️🌈🎞️ | scanned, color graded, shot by me
•
I’ve waited long enough on this series to start sharing them… so here we go!!!! Last June, during Pride Weekend in San Francisco, my only goal was to walk around for a few hours at Dolores and document my community. I always get very overwhelmed by the sheer volume of people and party-like settings of Pride weekend fesitivites. It has always intimidated me and made me feel uneasy. The feeling of navigating my own queerness for years while trying to keep my work/art/sport identities afloat and just as powerful has been a delicate journey. I told myself the only way I’d like to do it this year is through the only way I know how to live — through photographing it on film.
•
I couldn’t have shot these without my friends. My besties @lizavedo and @lesliefong helped me carry equipment, document all the folks we pulled on the streets, write down their information, and supplied me with water and encouragement!!! And my fellow talented, amazing friend @georg_cran helped me art direct the photographs. Together, it turned out too powerful. 👊🏳️🌈
It’s been 1 whole year since mama died. I can’t even believe it. I made a self-portrait series dedicated to her on medium format film this past July. I collected all her favorite clothing and jewelry pieces that I remember seeing her wear growing up. Amber helped me style her clothes mixed with some of my own staple pieces. I photographed myself at the beach as the ocean was one of our safe places together — whenever I’d visit my mom in LA, we’d take the pups and walk along the ocean for hours, hold hands, and chat about life. I miss her company, her advice, her stubborn and protective demeanor. I miss my best friend, period. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her. I noticed this year it helps to mention all the memories I have of her with others. Whenever one pops up in my mind (which happens daily), I always share now. It makes me feel closer to her than ever.
•
This entire year following my mom’s death was one of moving through logistics, grief, bretrayal, and anger. No one talks about all the things you have to do to re-align and recover from following a loved one’s death. How grief will strike at random times of the year and you will cry for weeks at a time with no explanation. How your body somatically needs time to release its tender sorrow. I have learned a lot this year. I had a necessary romantic break-up that set me free, did a psychedelic journey that reminded me how much pure LOVE and NOURISHMENT I received throughout my whole childhood, and re-learned how to be silly and playful again through new connections and experiences. I’ve pursued photography and art direction full-time freelance and have been listening to my mom in the back of my head giving me advice every step of the way even though she’s not here.
•
Overall, I feel empowered and grateful. And even without her presence, I am reminded daily how lucky I am that she always believed in me and gave me the tools and solid HEART I needed to conquer this world, pivot in extremely difficult situations, and pursue the dreams the world has in store for me. I’m here to make you proud mom, forever and always. Love you.
I am not exaggerating when I say I see the beauty in everything. And I am consistently reminded on a daily basis that anything or anyone that says ‘no’ to you is a re-direction and should be looked at as a blessing. I am also reminded this year that it’s okay to be angry and use that as fuel, to desire a big expansive life that feeds your big heart, and believe that the real, talented, inspiring ones are always going to be by your side through large internal shifts. I am obsessed with shooting film and making prints in the darkroom. I could do this every day of my whole life & be satisfied going to the grave. It’s a gift to get endorphins every time I see a moment out in the world that needs my attention, memorialize it, AND BRING IT TO LIFE VIA PRINT. I love what I do & I am inspired by people who put their heart and soul into their passions. That is the only compass & god damn, I’m so grateful for having her.
Happy birthday to this sweet pisces boy. You have been there for me through hell and back & I could not be more grateful for your companionship in this life. You’re beyond creative, emotionally attuned, crazily driven, supportive, and always have good insight into the world and all its moving pieces. I love you so much and wish I could celebrate with you today! Angelenos, treat him like a king today 🔪✨😤❤️. BISOUS.
