I wasn’t in denial about Bonnie moving away, I just couldn’t process it. How could I imagine a life in Portland I’ve never known without her?
Three weeks ago, as we sat in the airport bar outside of security for one last glass of wine, we exchanged the truest words we could find to sum it all up: “thank god for you.” Thank god for you Bon Bon!! 🌸
My friendship with Jess has never required questioning, but 13-ish years in, I do wonder how two wildly independent and impulsive teenagers maintained such steady closeness in the ever-changing landscape of our 20s. I think back to our conjoined bedrooms when she told me she was transferring to an art school in San Francisco. A year later I took the bus up from LA to join her for a 10 hour drive north to tour a graduate program. I knew her to be an artist with an unwavering internal compass and sitting shotgun through giant Redwoods and toy-sized coastal towns both cemented and expanded my understanding of her. A wild-at-heart woman unknowingly showing me all that might await. My awe was unavoidable.
She never stopped expanding and I never stopped being inspired by her, even from afar. Homes she made, gardens she grew, the dog she soon adopted. That front seat of her car became Sawyer’s quite literally right out the shelter gate.
Jess had left SF by the time I moved there, but when I drove up to Portland, this time just me and my own dog, we went straight to their house. Like us, our dogs settled into each other without question, despite Cowboy’s dubious affection for animals. Again we saw what life could be and again I was captivated by its compelling pull. A couple years later when I got to Portland, this time for good, Jess and Sawyer were here to cut any uncertainty we carried.
We still look at each other and say “I can’t believe we both live here.” But truthfully I can. What’s the alternative? In the bright clarity of hindsight, Jess has spent the last 13 years guiding me home.
A few days ago, after 11 years together, she said goodbye to Sawyer. A wise man in a dog suit. Handsome, patient, astonishingly hungry. The best boy to all of us but especially to Jess who gave him the world in return.
Sawyer isn’t Jess’ only significant loss in recent years. Yet somehow her scars haven’t hardened beyond her heart’s capacity to love. That’s worthy of celebrating any day, but especially on her birthday.
Happy birthday Jess. You’re one in a million and I thank my lucky stars I get to spend so many of my days and years with you. Then again, what’s the alternative?
This big hearted, deep thinking, loud laughing, booty baring, world traveling, dog ma, hog ma, and my sweet sweet baby sister is 30 today. She’s got no shortage of ambition, adventure, generosity, guts, and gusto. All gas, and the occasional e-brake. She doesn’t even know how great she is, but everyone around her does. We always have. She’s been in my corner from the start and I’ll be in hers til the end. Happy birthday Gabi, here’s to 30 more 💗✨
