Sebastian Geilings

How Much Of You Is Repetition? (2023) commissioned by Australian Dance Theatre as part of CULTIVATE: One (2023). @ausdancetheatre Direction: Sebastian Geilings Collaborative Artists and Performers: Brianna Kell and Zoe Wozniak @briannakkell_ @zoewoz Sound Design: Jackie Jenkins @c_bia5 Lighting Design: Matt Adey @houseofvnholy Photographer: Sam Roberts @samrophoto Footage: supplied by ADT

someone told me to ask the universe to reveal what it is I need to know. then Concrete Echoes appeared. this time brought forward a lot of remembering. thank you you wonderful people. And to @ta.alili for bringing us together. love is POWERFUL. I love this little life even more. I’d choose it every time x Presented by STRUT Dance and Perth Festival Co-Produced by Performing Lines and STRUT Dance Choreographers: Ta'alili Performers : Angie Boladeras, Ian de Mello, Peni Fakaua, Sebastian Geilings, Cameron Park, Gabriela Quinsacara, Isabella Stone, Mani Tuaga, Bridgette Davies Lighting Designer :Chloe Ogilvie Costume Designer : Kate Butterworth Composers Benny Jennings, Samara Alofa, Hannah Lynch

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the year of the snake

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Words are not able to hit as hard as the feelings are. Love is seeping through every cell of mine. It hurts. It’s that beautiful agony that we believe in and chase. I will never be ready to say goodbye, but as it always does, life has forced me to do so. The inner passion just wants to tell you that you aren’t broken, and that you don’t need to blame yourself for being heavy. Energy is real, and it’s very powerful. And the environment you find yourself in can determine how bright your soul shines. Aotearoa has effortlessly reminded me of the meaning and feeling of community. It was easy, and I don’t think it should ever be hard. I adore you all. And I am forever grateful for the love we have shared. Your smiles that I replay in my mind are enough to send me into tears . I have healed so much of myself within your company. The comedown is real. I have been on an emotional high for two months. Even a broken thumb and robbery couldn’t budge that. I have all of you to thank for that. I feel like the luckiest gal in the world. Arohanui my whanau. (I’m sorry I couldn’t share more photos of you all)

Margaret and I miss you every day x

I head home today there’s a lot happening energetically in my chest and stomach right now. This is mourning. I have met so many incredible people over the last few months and I am struggling to let go of the “what could have been” feelings with these fleeting bonds. The reality is that I might not ever see these people again. What I can hold onto is the lessons they have left me. And as always, these will be understood in time to come. And of course the memories, thought not to always to be trusted, they are a powerful channel to heart. My biggest dilemma currently are the dualities we hold in life. Like right now for instance. I’m on this airport seat, and the mental image of being in my family’s arms brings the most comforting and eager feeling to me, I am so excited. But I’m also completely sad to be leaving an adventure that I feel so tethered too. I have so many dualities. I want to be so many things in this life. How do I choose? What do I sacrifice? A burden of the twenties. There is obviously still murkiness of what it is I truly want. But what I have gained over these two months is the clarity that I love dance (yes this was wavering), friendship is wealth, being a practical adult at times will save you a lot of anxiety, your thoughts are more dangerous than gluten, allow the neck to be free, sleepovers are elite and needed, PERSPECTIVES, keep evolving but don’t loose your morals, and love yourself sick or that will be what you become.

I just spent two weeks in Deltebre taking part in a dance festival. It was a grounding experience. We danced outside in the Spanish summer heat, learning new philosophies of movement from different artists. I was living the dream and my hell at the same time. I am a furnace by nature, so the heat was an incredible challenge. I was also humbled by the reality that there is still so much I don’t understand or can’t control in my body and my dance. The fear of this slowly turned back into curiosity. The healing process showing in its little ways. The important things gained clarity. We were all faced with a reality of sleep deprivation, a constant state of sweat, dirtiness and dampness, fatigue, language barriers, blistered feet, killer mosquito, no air conditioning, torrential rains and blocks of the mind. I feel we all kept coming back to the music, the liberation of movement and each other to move forward. I’ve grown such a high maintenance of self in the last few years, it was beautiful to be immensely grateful for the water, the food, the playlists and the people around me. In just two weeks we formed such a wonderful community. I’m so sad to say goodbye to these people. I feel tethered to them through this experience. I’ve adored the friendships that have bloomed. Good luck to you all. I love dance for this. It brings me such wealth in different ways to what we have grown up idealising.

I left Italy a week ago. The last couple of days there had me thinking about the last few years. These gorgeous scenes of the world were ones I wanted to share with my loves. Floating at the beach in Amalfi reminded me of when I lived in New Zealand as a student. My friends and I would swim in the bay and point at the houses on the hill, dreaming of a life where we would each have our own. I now dream about those times. I didn’t know that on that pontoon, lips blue from the Tasman waters and Wellington winds, pointing at houses I know I could never afford, that I was living my dream. I have felt so lost lately. My desires have been blurred from a mixture of fear and what I have learnt that I should desire. Alignment is what we should chase. And I am incredibly grateful that this trip has brought me moments of that. We do know deep down what we need and want. It’s so ridiculous how hard it can be to accept this though. I have loved witnessing the passion and bold expressions of the Italians. It’s been a big lesson for me. It just seems healthy. I’m done with bottling in everything. Let it out so you can focus on other things in the moments you have. Let’s keep feeling for alignment, and surround yourself with dreamers too. It makes life more electric, even if it is just for an afternoon at the beach, or on a bus ride with a new friend. Thank you Italy. I love you a lot x

my fourth and final week in Italy. do all that you can to be with the ones that ignite you. the eternal city had me in a profound state. A high point being the chance to shake my ass in the colosseum like Lizzie. I got to share that moment with very special people from my life. We encouraged each other that day to let that child like awe rule our steps. It was a mix of silly fun and immense gratitude, for each other and the world we were exploring. I hadn’t felt that fizz in so long. I met a best friend in Napoli. I hadn’t seen her for four years. The city was rough. Rubbish everywhere, dirty and so chaotic on the tiny streets. It turned out to be one of my favourite places in Italy. The two of us essentially talked about life and what it is to be a human in it for two days straight. (As we do). I felt so seen. I felt my soul flutter with curiosity and excitement. The soul of Napes then became so clear. It is so beautiful in its chaotic ways. There was a realness there, a huge reminder that the exterior is really nothing compared to what is going on in the inside. The two of us shared the best pizza of my life. I had it again yesterday, but it didn’t hit as good. The company made it better. I want my food to taste good always. The eternal love I have for my friends is maybe the most powerful energy I have in my body. I get so lost in the race of life, that I rarely take the scenic root to re tether myself with those people that make me more me. Life is all about choices right. I hate that I’ve been conditioned to focus on other priorities. Even though the flame might always burn, it won’t burn bright unless you breathe life into it. I want to choose my friends more.

Third week in Italy. Find a place and be nothing. Tuscany is stupidly beautiful. Portrait worthy backdrops of vibrant wine country hills and charming medieval towns standing high, dotted across the land like wise watch guards. I felt held. More held than with some people in my life over the last few years. It really doesn’t have to be complex. Time is what people need. It was in Tuscany that I actually stopped, in what felt like 5 years. I couldn’t remember a moment that I made myself sit still, with no stimulus and achieve nothing. I had explored the entirety of Pienza in an hour and had ‘time to kill’. How precious that is. I found myself a spot on a stone bench in the piazza. I forgot how sweet a gentle breeze could be. There was an elderly couple further down from me, completely enamoured with one another, their limbs entangled and many kisses shared. They fell in an out of unlaboured conversation. Witnessing this was richer than the worlds best gelato I had in the previous town. What was great about being nothing for a while, was that my true desires simply arrived within me. So much of the way I live is to find validation and to engineer profoundness. I believe that if I am not succeeding or progressing (in a capitalistic way) then I am not able to be loved. I attempt to curate magic to add value to my life but you can never feel fully satisfied with that synthetic elixir. I never let it naturally come to me. And yes, the good times will never last. That is a big lesson. But I’ll never feel the waves touch my toes if I don’t wait for the tide to come in. (Wow such a wank). But what I want is the wind to be sweeter more often. And that requires myself to be still. It is clear that I have been operating in state of flee for a long time. This makes me look forward. I’m constantly asking what is next? But what the Italians have taught me is ‘what is now?’.