Baby girl has come a long way. I started singing when I was 19. Had a quarter life crisis 7 years later and met Jesus. I tried things while I was afraid, I failed publicly and in private. God kept shaping me, kept loving me even when I couldn’t handle his grace. I tried again, failed again, and asked thousands of questions.
I felt like I was too weird or too different, like I had too many things that wouldn’t fit anymore as an artist if I became a Christian. Like I either loved Christ too much or not enough. The Lord blew that out of the water. He helped me grow. Helped me worship for real. He taught me about love - a big deal (the self-loathing artist life is not it). He pushed the boundaries of my creativity, when it felt like voices online were saying God only gets in the way.
I’ve wrestled for years about how to show up in this space. I am a private person. I don’t like performative internet stuff. I want to share who I really am with you guys though, and it’s taken me a long time to sort that out. It feels like I’ve asked the Lord every question under the sun. (i.e. - Lord, how do I as a woman in music share my story without using sexualized imagery? Lord, how do I tell the truth on here?)
The truth is so important, and online, it can really feel like it doesn’t matter anymore, but it does. I hope to share as much of it as I can in the music I write. The truth about God, about who I am, about the world we’re in and about the feelings we’re sometimes scared to admit. Was it Nina who said it’s an artist’s duty to reflect the times? I think I agree to an extent. I also feel a duty to reflect heaven. To reflect love, and mercy, and peace, and the reality of this shattering world we live in.
There’s a lot of you out there that I have not met, and I love you bad. The Lord has you on my heart, and I can’t wait until we sing together soon. Until then, be encouraged, keep fighting the good fight. Keep it cute, keep it weird, and above all else keep it true.
there’s no true safe haven online - and there’s no pure escape in music or art - but even in these realities there is a hum of purpose. i’ve spent my fair share of time making music for all sorts of reasons, all in summary to fill a void. and that gaping insatiable black hole was really something only God could deal with and heal. when it comes to music, God has been my ultimate teacher. and a key part has been His lessons on loving people. what does that have to do with music? for songwriting, when you love people, you feel a way when they’re lied to - and that’s an interesting place to be for me as an artist because most of the music that defines our culture is riddled with lies and half truths and all that. even the “innocent” love song that soothes the mind with fantasies can really pack a punch. when the track ends but loops itself into our lives - who’s responsible for the terror? for the “love” songs that are actually instruments of heartbreak? - i think about these things. i also think being lovingly honest to the point of discomfort is amazing and needed. as we’re online, we’re slowly coaxed into thinking certain things are ‘okay’ but a lot of them are not, chronically spending time in front of the mirror, on the phone, on face editing apps, addicted to attention, watching other peoples’ lives - it’s not healthy and wildly uninteresting. we’re in quite a pickle collectively but i think alot of us want to be free, specifically free of the trade offs we were taught to believe in when it comes to happiness. it’s new york, it’s a lot of sad and angry faces but also a lot of smiling ones and i really do have hope for more people to be free in God and to know the details of what that feels like. anywhoo, thoughts and rambles are done for now - i hope you see no turds on the sidewalk today. 🫶✨
📸: @curthoranesaunders
we’re shooting a music videoooooo for ‘ride for you’ and we need friends to be in it for a club scene unto the Lorddddd! pull up if you’re free March 28! no acting or dance experience required! rsvp link in bio!
HAPPY ONE YEAR ‘ennui’!!!!!✨✨✨ a prayer of gratitude to Christ for introducing me to John, for sanctifying me through this music, a collection of songs that broke some ugly parts of myself and ground them into dust, thank you God for the friends who came around me, for the whispers of your voice, encouraging me to keep it weird and to keep it true, thank you for changing my life, and thank you God for every person’s kindness, for everyone who welcomed this music into their lives. my dear friends, thank you. I will be celebrating today 😭🥹✨, see you at 2pm for a quick chat, much love ✨✨💗
its a lot of suspicious behaviors on this app•i hope you’re resting well•genesis 26•i love my friends•i’ve been drinking hyssop tea and it’s delicious + has so many health benefits, orange leaf tea also benefits but tough taste for me•a new song is coming soon•sometimes a lipgloss is just so i can feel fancy•great convo i had recently was about attention seeking on social media•sunshine is life-changing.
leading a beautiful evening of singing to the Lord with @royalauthorityhq this thursday, jan 15 at 6PM. the amazing @emerald_days on guitar. What a way to start the year. almost at capacity. RSVP link in bio. see you soon friends!✨
📸: @curthoranesaunders
ahhhhhhh thank you @breakingsoundnyc for having us. thank you to every bright shining face who came out 🥹🫶✨big hugs to @emerald_days@kimmayyyye@andrewward_@mysticpiano for playing alongside me…it was such an honor to do this show with you all! thank you @ethanmoon212 for holding us down 🫶✨…til next time friends. how fun. Praise God. ✨
Ya girl is now on substackkkk! I’ve been wrestling for years on where to share more of my behind-the-scenes thoughts, and I’ve finally landed on substack. This will be like an online journal I share with you guys. Link to read and subscribe is in my bio. 🫶✨
writing my first album, working on a short film and a music video, growing more in appreciation for God as THE genius Creator. I’m so excited about this wave of art I get to surf with my brilliant husband and friends.
📸: @curthoranesaunders the one and only 🫶✨
