Bianca Sparacino

This poem on happiness, from The Strength In Our Scars, was written as a gentle reminder to myself years ago in a season where I was just beginning to understand that joy didn’t have to be loud or performative in order to be real, in order to be rooted. That sometimes, the quietest kind of happiness is the most profound of all — the kind that anchors you, that softens you, that brings you back home to yourself. Over time, these words have been held so closely by so many of you. I’ve seen them turned into posters, underlined in dog-eared copies of the books you’ve brought me to sign, turned into tattoos, shared between friends, reimagined through your art and your lived experiences — and it never fails to move me, it never fails to connect.  I’m constantly reminded that the art we make has a way of taking on new forms, of moving through the world long after we’ve let it go. It changes shape when it passes through the hands of others, finding its way back to us transformed, and more alive than before. To now see this same poem woven into a global film by @cunardline is a full-circle kind of moment. Watching it come to life in this way is surreal, and I am endlessly grateful.  Heart is full. 🤍

When you’re young you believe that there will be many people with whom you’ll connect with deeply. Later in life, you come to realize that it only happens a few times. A few moments, frozen in genuine beauty, where you look at someone and you know, from a place deep within yourself, that they are going to mean something to you, that they are rare. When it comes to this kind of connection, it’s important to understand that energy cannot be created or destroyed — that is a scientific fact. If the depth is there, it cannot be denied, cannot slip through your fingers, cannot be something you successfully run away from due to fear of exposure or battle wounds. You can try to dismiss it, can try to stay protected and hidden from the warmth, but your hiding spot is never watertight — it always catches up to you. And if it’s not meant to fit within the soul of you, if it’s simply not your love to hold, no amount of bargaining with your heart will anchor it. That is the beauty of discovering the things that stay, the things that fall into place. In a world of billions, in a world where we are all seeking connection but avoiding eye contact, there are remarkable points of impact where you manage to crash yourself into someone who ends up breaking through the exterior. Someone who makes contact with your heart, who grows roots within it. Together, you beat the odds. If you have found human beings like this, I hope you protect them. I hope you risk your heart for what you feel. I hope you believe that you are worthy of something full, and pointed and real. I hope you never settle for less, because certain people are truly just rare, beautiful drops of borrowed light that find their way to you. You don’t feel alien with them. The otherness never arrives. There isn’t a version of yourself you have to shed in order to feel connected to them. They see you clearly. You are held there. You are chosen there. Love becomes a safe place to rest your head. A place without artifice, or armour. There are no hiding spots. Everything is unguarded, and unvarnished, and there is freedom in that kind of openness, in that kind of vulnerability. I promise it’s worth fighting for. 🤍

I hope you believe that you can still make a beautiful life for yourself even if you lost many years of it to grief, or darkness, or a wound that wouldn’t close. I understand what it is like to have this world introduce you to your own shadow, to let the ache follow you around long after you have healed, convincing you that you aren’t worthy or capable of holding peace within yourself. And so, if you have forgotten — I hope you know that the things that have battlescarred you do not disqualify you from being able to experience something deep, and rooted, and tender in your lifetime. If you have forgotten, I hope you know that you are worthy of the kind of love that shines warmth into all corners of you. You always have been. Because at the end of the day, the most formidable thing about the right kind of love is that it will not just choose you in all that is light filled and perfect in your world. It will crack you open, it will find the rooms within your heart and your mind that are padlocked and hard to touch, and it will hold you there. It will understand you, and see you, and it will not run from you when the wound is scratched. It will stand firmly in front of you and hold your face between its palms and it will say, “It is okay to be who you are with me.” The right kind of love will never judge you for who you had to be in order to navigate your sadness, in order to cut the ache from the bone. It will never fault you for the things you went through that you did not deserve, for the ways in which you were weathered by the people you placed your hope within. It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your fault. Remember — your past does not prohibit you from the goodness that is trying to reach you. It does not make you ineligible, or undeserving of love, or connection, or the things you desire. You have the capacity to experience beauty, to nurture it within yourself, and when you are ready to move towards it, know that it will meet you where you are. Know that you have every right to hold it. 🤍

The truth is, sometimes your biggest losses end up introducing you to your biggest gains. Sometimes, you do not end up with the person your heart chooses. Sometimes, you cannot make your love a one size fits all for the circumstances, or the opportunities, or the changes that are unfolding in your life. Sometimes you have to lay all of your hope down; you have to stop it from pouring out of you and into a love that will never be nourished enough to meet you where you are right now. But you cannot forget that in walking away, in creating that space, you are giving yourself the opportunity to meet the person who will stay. The person who shows up for you. The person who will understand the depth of your feeling, the person who will make you understand why it never worked out with anyone else, and you are going to be so glad that you worked through the loss, that you let go with grace, because it led you to them. Sometimes, the hardest seasons of your life are growing you into a version of yourself that recognizes your own strength, that believes in your capacity to rebuild even the most broken parts of who you are. Sometimes, it is within those moments, it is within that dark, where you meet your survival, where you learn to weather whatever storm life manages to send your way. And sometimes, you will not know where this quiet power has come from, you will not know how or when the healing began, but it will be there. It will always arrive, quietly in the night, after weeks, or months, or years of pushing your way into the world. And it is within that reality, it is within that softening, that you will be reminded of all the ways you continue to beat the odds. It is within that journey, it is within that fight, where you will be reminded of how you overcame all of the things you once thought would defeat you. At the end of the day, you must remember this — energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be transformed. The Universe does not take without giving, and it is within the messiness, and the aches of life, where you will finally be introduced to the beauty, where you will finally be introduced to the light. 🤍

When love finds you again, I hope it brings you someone gentle, someone kind. I hope it brings you a human being who introduces you to a softer version of your life — someone who helps you find a way back into your tenderness, someone who helps you find a way back into your heart. When love finds you again, I hope it chooses you completely. I hope it brings you the kind of person who doesn’t make you perform for their attention, who doesn’t make you beg for their heart. I hope it feels secure, I hope it feels like something you can trust, like something that cannot be threatened or taken from you, like something you can believe in, like something that will stay. When love finds you again, I hope it magnifies your spirit. I hope it brings the hidden parts of you to the surface, I hope it helps you to expand.  When love finds you again, I hope it brings you the kind of human being who has done the work to heal themselves, so they can love you how you deserve to be loved. I hope it brings you the kind of person who knows that they cannot save you, but who holds your hand while you save yourself — who anchors you and roots you and cracks light into your life. When love finds you again, I hope it gifts you the kind of human being who is not afraid of being responsible for your heart, who is not afraid of the effort it would require to care for someone with a soul like yours.  When love finds you again, I hope it brings you the kind of human being who sees you clearly. The kind of person who considers you, who borders your solitude; the kind of person who listens, who makes the effort, who connects.  When love finds you again, I hope it enters your life with ease. I hope it feels like peace, like safety, like a return to what is whole. I hope it feels like something certain, like something steady, like a deep exhale, like a homecoming, like an answered prayer — like all of the love you have put into this world coming back to you at last. 🤍

Maybe the Universe fights for certain souls to find one another. And maybe the Universe places people in your life just to take them away, just to teach you the things that beauty cannot. Maybe the Universe fights for the heartbreaks, for the missed opportunities, for the bad timing. Maybe the Universe knows in an offhand way, that those moments will show you your strength in ways the hope cannot. Maybe it is within the losses that you truly find gratitude for all that has stayed. Maybe it is through caring for those who make us feel like we are hard to love that we are taught how to embrace those who see us, those who truly protect our souls. And maybe, just maybe, it is through the darkened journey that we are taught how to appreciate the warmth, how to chase the light, how to believe in it even when we do not feel it, how to trust that it is pinned and blooming in this world, waiting to be discovered. And maybe, right now, the Universe is trying to teach you how to be thankful for all that did not work out in your life. Maybe it is reminding you that when it is finally right, everything that you love ruthlessly, will love you back with the same conviction; that when it is finally right, the things that you reach for in life, the things you deeply hope for, they will reach back. And maybe the Universe is trying to help you understand that all of the things you ached for that did not work out — they were not the losses that broke you, or ruined you, or made you less worthy. No, instead, you will see that they built you. They taught you about yourself. They led you to the person you were meant to be, and they guided you towards what was meant for you. They shaped you. They challenged you. They grew you. At the end of the day, I hope you remember this — the Universe does not take without giving. The Universe does not leave you empty, it always balances the scales within you. For all that it destroys, it creates. For all that falls apart, something is coming together. Please, just trust the timing of your life. Please, just remember that you will never lose what is for you. The right things will always connect. The right things will always connect. 🤍

To read Bianca Sparacino’s words — most often shared under her Instagram handle @rainbowsalt or via her published books or novels collections — is to get a glimpse into her soul. And just like her written work, Bianca’s soul is deep, vulnerable, and incredibly heart-forward. In this week’s SIDIA Stories, Bianca shares on honoring her mom’s memory, choosing connection over distance, and grief as love’s finale. Captured by @nelshuang

For anyone grieving the loss of a mother today, I just want you to know that you aren’t alone. At the end of the day, I have come to learn that grief is everything we cherish about love, distorted by pain. And yes, while pain demands to be felt, it is also deeply important to find your way back into the native warmth of it all. It is both a blessing and a curse to love something that death can touch, but there are layers of hope within what you are feeling right now. There are pockets of memory that can act as testaments to the beauty you felt, reflections of your capacity to care for and love someone so unconditionally — they left their mark within you. My mother taught me to pass love around as much as possible in this lifetime. She would always remind me that we were designed to love, to connect, to care. Losing her showed me, in a very hard and haunted way, that our time here is not promised — that this dance can end at any moment. But that reality, that certitude, reminds me every single day to show up clearly, and as sincerely as possible. To foster gratitude in my life for the time I have been given, to speak my heart into existence, to leave nothing on the table. To stay tender, to stay curious, to never shy away from honouring each moment, each human being who comes into my life and enlivens me, and I hope that resonates with you, I hope it cracks you open. Because open is all we can be in this world. Open is something to defend. If your heart is really heavy today, that just means it’s full. And whenever I feel like this I remind myself that the heart, too, is a muscle — it needs weight to grow. If any of you can relate to that — be gentle with yourself, and hold on to your hope. You’re going to be okay. 🤍

Please, just have the courage to let go of the people who leave your heart confused. Let go of the people who make you feel like you are compromising all that you desire, and all that you hope for, and all of the goodness and the beauty that you know exists in this world, for a skinny version of love. Let go of falling in love with potential, let go of falling in love with the idea of someone rather than who they truly are. Let go of the fears you have that keep you holding on to something that hurts, something that is so heavy, something that has only left you feeling misunderstood, or unworthy, or at war with yourself. Let go of waiting for the people you have always treated kindly, to treat you kindly. Let go of waiting for the people you have always treated with respect, to treat you with respect. Let go of waiting for the people you have always chosen, to finally choose you. Let go of waiting. Let go of holding your breath, just hoping that things change. Let go. Don’t allow yourself to get comfortable existing in spaces where you know you deserve better. Love is not meant to hurt. Love is not meant to be given in bare minimums. Love does not require for you to be cooler, or less emotional, or less yourself, for you to be worthy of it meeting you. Love chooses you. In the good, and the bad. It isn’t an almost thing. It isn’t something you have to beg for. It isn’t something you have to fight for constantly, something that is always a source of pain and confusion and hurt. There is power in letting go of anything that is forcing you to let go of yourself. Don’t ignore what you know in your heart. Remember — it is better to be alone, than to feel lonely in what you’re settling for. It is better to be alone, than to try to fit your heart into the hands of someone who does not want to hold it. It is better to be alone, than to fight for someone who is not fighting for you. It is better to be alone, to be your own foundation, than to spend any more of your time waiting for someone to see the beauty in what you are giving them. You deserve good love. Promise you will let go of anything that does not feel that way. Promise to stand up for your heart. 🤍

If no one told you this today — I am proud of who you are becoming. Sometimes, we need others to speak what they see within us because we cannot recognize it within ourselves. Sometimes, we struggle to understand the lightness of our own potential because all we see is the weight of our pasts, of our wounds. We see our anxiety, and our overthinking, and the way we care so deeply as if it were a weakness within us. We compare ourselves, and we aren’t gentle with ourselves or the shape of our own journey. We don’t acknowledge the way we are fighting to become the kind of human being we ourselves can be proud of, we don’t recognize how much strength that takes. I see how hard you are trying, and I want you to know that I am proud of you. To want to lean into your growth when it isn’t neatly organized, when it isn’t easy or convenient, is such an intensely beautiful thing. To want to be softer in this world, to want to love more, and care more, and do more with your time here — that is special. You deserve to believe in the goodness that is waiting for you on the other side of your healing. You deserve to believe that nothing in your past has ever made you unworthy of your future — that the right things were always going to find you, were going to stay, despite what you have been through at the hands of this life. So this is your reminder. Who you are in this very moment is valid, and worthy. The way you want to love and be loved, is valid. The dreams you have are valid. Your healing is valid. Your sadness, and your grief, is valid. Your happiness is valid. You hold so much potential within yourself. You are capable of doing the most immensely awe-inspiring things. And I am sorry that the world at times has tried to convince you otherwise — but you are going to be okay. You are going to become the human being you have always hoped to be. You are going to discover your own version of happiness, of hope. You are going to look back on the moments you ever doubted your becoming, and you are going to be so glad that you kept going. So keep going. You are growing and evolving more beautifully than you may realize right now. Please don’t lose sight of that. 🤍

If you are still here, there is still time.  There is still time to become the love you always wanted, but never received.  There is still time to heal what hurts, so that it doesn’t use you as a channel to hurt others.  There is still time to forgive yourself — for all of the versions of yourself you did not become, for all of the versions of yourself you had to be in order to get here today.  There is still time to remember that intimacy is not just a fleeting thing that happens between two human beings, but rather, a way of making eachother alive.  There is still time to choose love as often as you can, to be the person who connects despite what you have been through.  There is still time to welcome change, to give the world an opportunity to surprise you, to start over.  There is still time to release, to let go of that which does not ask to be held.  There is still time to move in the direction of the things that make you want to wake up in the morning, to pay attention to the things that bring you back home to yourself, that reintroduce you to your tenderness and your awe.  There is still time to slow down — to live softly, and to love softly and to put your heart into this world.  If you are still here, there is still time. There is still time. 🤍

You did not lose in love — you got lucky. You got lucky enough to meet someone who showed you that there were souls within this Universe that felt as deeply, and cared as feverishly, and loved as intentionally as you did. You did not lose, you got lucky. You got lucky enough to fold yourself into someone who wanted to experience the world through your eyes, who wanted to walk around the corners of your mind, who wanted to know you by heart. You did not lose, you got lucky. You got lucky because you crashed your hope into someone who, for a moment in time, was able to squeeze all of your broken pieces back together. You got lucky. Lucky enough to meet someone who plucked anxiety out of your chest like splinters, who poured calm into the parts of you that no one else clapped for. No, you did not lose — you got lucky. You got lucky because time did not choose to separate you. You got lucky. Lucky enough to have found them, to have experienced them, to have been given the opportunity to love them the way you loved them. And even if you were not loved like this, you are still lucky. See, sometimes people come into our lives and they love us like sunsets — only ever leaving us softer, and kinder to ourselves, only ever making even the darkest of endings something beautiful, something light. But sometimes, sometimes people come into our lives and they love us like hurricanes — hollowing us out, making us question if we feel too deeply, if we are simply too much to hold. The hardest lesson you will ever have to learn is that this too is a gift. To have been loved in halves, to have been loved by someone who could not understand the language your heart spoke, is to have been loved by someone who taught you how to walk away. How to choose yourself for once, how to stand up for your worth and for the way you exist in this world. At the end of the day, they may not have loved you, but they did teach you how to survive the wreckage, how to endure the storm — how to rebuild. No, they may not have loved you, but you still risked your heart. You still tried for something. You still believed. And that is what makes you lucky, because that is what makes you strong. 🤍