It’s always good to remember one’s mom. And Ursula was quite something.
I liken her to a submarine with many compartments, some of which she would close off lest the flood of her life’s tragedies sink her. It was difficult at times to work around those avoidances, to not venture into unwanted territory, but I was mindful to never hurt her by pushing it. Indeed, I recently came upon a realization, that in my all our years together I never once raised my voice to her. I just couldn’t confront her in that manner. She had cried enough. I miss you Mom. Happy Mother’s Day 🌿💚
On the anniversary of an unconventional marriage:
It’s amazing that four years have passed already. What’s equally amazing is how I feel about being married, and how I feel about Suzanne every time I see her. We live 18 miles apart. We pursue separate endeavors that consume our week. We’re both business people, grown-ups, not gonna have more kids. It’s too late for that. Besides, we already have adult children who we adore. What we have not set aside is a need to accomplish more. It’s not blind ambition, but it’s more about self-sufficiency, staying relevant, interesting to each other, and finding gratitude in that usefulness. Hence, we don’t see each other during the week. What does happen is on Friday (or Thursday if I’m lucky), Suzanne will arrive in Topanga and every time she does I’m totally surprised, because somehow I forget, over the course of that busy week, how radiant she is, how dazzling her smile is…and when I see it again in the driveway, it blows me away. Every. Single. Time. Happy Anniversary my beloved. @suzcarney 🌿💚⭐️
My big nose.
As an adolescent something happened to my little kid face. I grew a nose, one that was significantly bigger than average — indeed it took over. A defining feature, it was, and still is, the thing people notice first about my face. The other boys at prep school made a point of discussing it, assigning nicknames that alluded to it, some silly, some borderline anti-Semitic.
But It is my father’s nose, and for that reason alone I’ve embraced it as I would him…If he had been around long enough to see me grow up.
Yesterday I found out that a dot that appeared a couple of months ago is a basel cell carcinoma. It will require surgery. I am now wondering how much this nose will change, and if the significant proboscis which has defined my appearance for my whole adult life will be altered. Ironically, the thing that embarrassed me in my youth is now the thing I don’t want to lose. #mybignose
In attending the screening of @warrenelgort ‘s beautifully made, deeply felt documentary about his legendary father @arthurelgort I was reminded anew how fortunate I was to be part of that story. I had the best teacher one could hope for, lessons not only about cameras, but about how to be an artist, a collaborator who inspires those around them to give their truest heart to the project at hand. @arthurelgortmodelsandmuses is a film you should seek out when it’s released. @thebhfilmfest
I did a seven day fast. Zero calories, shed 13.2 lbs. It’s pretty crazy what happens to one’s head around day 3, start dreaming about food. Gotta stay off the internet because my algorithm is full of culinary stuff. Day 4 I swear I could smell food a mile away. Feeding the dogs? Their cans become a temptation. Not really, but kinda…I’d have to fill my belly with liquid, electrolytes to put down cravings. Day five hunger subsides. The body resigns itself to burning what’s deep in the basement. There’s plenty down there. The discipline informs a certain resilience and an accompanying acknowledgement that most of westerners never really experience hunger. Understand real deprivation. It’s an eye opener, provoking a beautiful sense of oneness, of empathy.
I broke the fast with wonderful sprouts. Living foods. Carefully savoring the sweetness of the lentils, the beans, the warm rice, some broth.
Feeling lucky to have the choices I have. 💚🌿🙏
There were times when I stood in for a male model, setting down the cameras and light meters that dangled from my neck and shoulders momentarily leaving my post as Arthur’s assistant to take on the uncomfortable role of a mannequin on which a young lady could lean. These pages from Mademoiselle magazine mid 80’s. Barbados if I recall.. with @paulinaporizkov #mariajohnson (?) photos by @arthurelgort #80sfashion #paulinaporizkova #arthurelgort
