a visit to washington dc: road work ahead, united states, your fee dollars at work, spongebob, pink laces, pink tulips, buttons, field trips, pigeons, traffic cone, lookie lookie ive got a cookie, art deco toaster, business man and claes oldenburg, postal museum, hotel bed, leg sculpture, golden shower, entering hawaii, paddle boats, zach’s updo
the first signs of spring: crocuses, a love spiral, the statue of liberty, daffodil, sun drawing, cornelian cherry dogwood, a squirrel, fenced skyline, white dot on cardboard, the suburbs, flower shopping, spring landscape, a bridge in central park, zach, perrin, we have beer as cold as your ex heart, a short staircase
snow day sequence: williamsburg bridge, christmas is over, pine and snow, exiting the subway, granny smith apple, family vacation, a cup and the bucket, no parking, white wood, white wheels, private event, crossing, maybe mickey mouse, night light
sealed evidence, sunrise at 49th, yo alien, citibike, me and zach, stool, hot dog patch, those big red baubles, dog display, chain belt, stage door, fort greene sunshine, adult fitness center, grazing party, michael jordan by walter looss jr (as a poster on my street), pigeon
(self portrait as) SAD VAPER, 2023
Today I am 100 days without vaping or nicotine.
On August 6th, 2025, I decided that I needed to stop vaping, as it had taken over my entire life. I have vaped every single day since starting at 15 years old, and now at age 22, 7 years of my life (almost 1/3) have been spent smoking.
In my statement from VAPELAND, I wrote that “a generational nicotine dependency blinds the truth within its harm, and without proper acknowledgment, we allow this problem to continue further.” I think that the work I have created and this world in which I have surrounded myself in/ built from scratch, was making this issue a lot worse in my personal life. These past 3 months have shown me the hardest days I have ever faced when it comes to self-control. I have gone through both physical and mental reactions to withdrawals, and all the hardships you can imagine when it comes to having an addiction. I recently began therapy and now actually find myself taking steps to leave VAPELAND, once and for all.
When I first wrote about VAPELAND, I also stated that:
“By combining these fictional depictions with a documentary background, it blurs the lines of where our world stops and this fictional one begins. The more time we spend exploring, having fun, and surrounding ourselves with others likewise, the harder it is to stop.
As the negative effects unwind, they kick in; we can’t stay in this world forever, this ride eventually comes to a stop.”
I am proud of myself and encourage anyone who is struggling (or curious about quitting) to at the very least, become more aware of what this is doing to your own body. Take care of yourself because life truly is worth living.
I love you VAPELAND, you have changed my life. You have shown me how to break the rules, how to be rebellious against the grain of perfection, but you have now opened my eyes to the type of person I strive to become.
with love always,
perrin <3
