Chill Collins

This month was really an all time low for a majority of it. Towards the end I was lifted up immensely. I’m not out of it entirely. But I have a game plan and things to look forward to which gives me some kind of hope. That’s all I’ll get into regarding April. I made a bunch of art to distract myself. Whenever I create something I sometimes have this imposter syndrome. That I’m a phony with what I try to make because I don’t consider myself a “real artist”. Whether it’s traditional/digital illustration, painting, music, etc. Sometimes finish something. Then I immediately hate it or think it’s garbage lmao. I know I’m not the WORST. But they say you are your own worst critic. Maybe some of you will appreciate what I make more than I do. Maybe I’ll start posting more stuff I make. Or not. We’ll see!

What an insanely awful month. I can’t think of any way this year could get any worse than it already is (so far). I feel like I’ve done nothing but sabotage myself and strip myself of anything good I’ve had going on and I’m in a constant state of fight or flight. Even the fun stuff I’ve done this month doesn’t outweigh the bullshit. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought about just leaving, but me just admitting that means I’m good. It’s fine. I’ll stick around to see if it gets better. But lately I’ve just been nothing but bitter towards myself on top of being reclusive/isolated due to me vs. my brain. I hope I’m able to improve SOMETHING in April. Whatever, we’ll see. Maybe creating something and taking more photos with friends will make me feel better.

Cool month of the year so far. Released new @lilaband music. Shot some music video stuff for Foothills. Got my drivers license (a little late but whatever). And some music evictions made from my headpiece. Things are looking up and I’m trying to give myself more credit where I should. But it’s not easy. March should be a more promising month for creativity and art for myself. Not much to really comment on tbh. I’m tryin my best.

Late as usual with a life update. January was a weird start to the year. Got a tumor removed (thought it was a cyst). Hit the 1000lb club (might make a video?) Back on the plant based lifestyle. Had a few hiccups here and there but I’ll be back on track with that. Hopefully some big changes this year for the better! I’m not gonna lie. I have not been doin all that well lately. But I’m tryin to push through it. I’ll leave it at that. But I hope everyone I care about is having a better start to the new year than I am and I catch up to them soon 🌹

Damn 2025 is over. What a weird year. I made mistakes. I made improvements. I got my health on track and fixed a lot of problems within myself. In the end I basically ended up just getting back on my feet. BUT!!!! That just means I set myself up for progress. This is the year I step towards healing, restoring, and enhancing my quality of life. Mental health, physical health, relationships, passions, and goals will be priority. I hope everyone had a safe New Years and see some goals for themselves in 2026! Sorry for the lack of a “December dump” I forgot to document most of it ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

I am yet again late on another dump. But my birthday was in November so whatever I get a pass. A lot of emotions for this month considering birthdays, mortality, peacefully quiet existence in the poconos with friends and my lover. Big thank you to @paonashi and Nadeen for tagging along and seeing where I would hang out growing up in the woods on weekends and holidays with my family. I got to see my poppop for ththe first time since mommom passed (8 or so years) and just in that amount of tome passing on him really opened my eyes to how terrifying mortality is. So it’s time to try and really appreciate my time here a little more I guess. Ontop of that my band @lilaband released a new single and a music video for said single. Playing a genre of music that isn’t beatdown, slam, or hardcore is a big culture shock. But I’m thankful that @nickbollock has faith me in me to bring his riffs to life on stage. It wasn’t a great month for me mentally but I’m hoping December can help escalate the changes I need to be a better version of me I yearn for. No more messing around. No more procrastinating improving my physical and mental health. It’s time to rock and roll!

I finally completed a prompt for October. I’d be lying if I said I did them all every day and not multiple at once because I was running late so I rushed them lmao. I usually fall short around 1/4-1/2 point of the month and say “ahh maybe next year” but I’m glad I did it. I’ve had some friends compliment my work I showed and my partner as well obviously being supportive of it. But I can’t help but feel I have some kind of imposter syndrome about my “style” when it comes to characters and what not. Big thank you to @spookinktober for this years prompt. Looking forward to the next one! And thanks to this I feel inspired to start working on “real” pieces and not just a hour long pieces. Anyway. It’s November in the time of me posting this. My birthday is coming up in about a week. @lilaband had some new music dropping. Along with a visual. Looking forward to hopefully riffin on stage within the next few months!

Instead of inktober (for obvious reasons) I decided to go with @spookinktober prompt for this year! Here are some of this months prompts I’ve done so far. I haven’t drawn this much in a very long time so I’m glad I was able to dust off the ol @huiontablet pen display I got. I love/dislike how inconsistent my “style” is but I’m trying really hard to cement where I am when it comes to me, a pen, and paper. I still despise drawing hands. And shoes. But these prompts really got me wanting to stop being comfortable with all of that. Especially with backgrounds. I love making backgrounds now more than characters. Maybe I’ll start doinf more background pieces to upload here you never know! Pt. II will be dropped at the end of the month.

What an *interesting* month. It’s like everything and nothing happened at the same time. Insane ups and downs in the world. America is going to hell in a hand basket. But my hobbies, interests, love, and curiosity isnt dwindling much. I’m starting to become more comfortable in my body (Froggy Flex Slide™ as proof). October is here as of the day I’m posting this and I’m excited as well as determined to make all of <not> inktober my bih. Some cool logo commissions coming up! Cool music ideas coming up! Joined a cool lil band with a good epic friend of mine so will update when that is officially hittin.

A little late for August’s dump. But another birthday down. Another weekend with Melissa’s parents. It’s always a good time when we see them. They entertain my silly jokes and laugh when I try to crack one. The cake was a funny situation because I asked them to put “35” ontop but to have complete creative freedom and have fun. I guess the simpler the better? I got to see some friends of mine I barely get to see and haven’t gotten to meet yet til recently. Life might suck hard and that’s okay. As long as I try to make it work that’s all that matters. And I’m trying really hard.

July was kind of a blur tbh? Not like a blend of everyday together. Just different events happening at once it seemed and not in a bad way. I hit a bench PR for 225lbs which is a first milestone of strength I never thought I could achieve. My gf’s brother spent a week with us and it was nice to get out and get some food (mainly soup dumplings) and walk around. I haven’t been keeping the promise to myself of creating some kind of art with my pen display at least once a month. I am determined to sit down in the month of August and create some stuff I can post on here. Maybe a gif or just a little illustration. I need to get back to being myself and not be so lazy with my hobbies. If I do not post any art in my next post, feel free to punch me in the stomach.

Im working on a lot of things right now. My health. My passions. My hobbies. My goals. I want to take more pictures with friends and update the tiny people in my phone more often from here on out. I’m going to try and just upload once a month minimum and treat this account like a public journal of nonsense. Life is weird and sucks sometimes but at least I can tell a bunch of people I love them and have it be reciprocated.