How dare I think for one second that love left when she did? This season of doing and undoing is creating in me something new, raw, and unknown. I know nothing and Iām feeling everything. I miss you Ramona, Iām still living for you.
Itās been 4 weeks. My nanas love was proof of unconditional love. Eventually I learned that that love is rare, that although weāre all capable, it is ultimately rare. My biggest blessing will always be to have known that love in her. Anyone who really knows me knows the lengths I speak about this woman. She has no idea of the vast array of people from all walks of life in all the different rooms Iāve found myself in that I filled with stories and praises of herā¦The amount of people Iāve met in strange places while traveling for work who heard me lament āI miss my nana,ā having been away from her for weeks. There are a few tours where my only day off in LA I would go see her, and other tours where upon arriving to LAX I went straight to her. I drove and flew home almost every month in college for one weekend home to see her. I was never able to really commit to leaving Los Angeles for too long if it meant leaving her.
I will never stop talking about her. I will never run out of memories to reflect on, and like the constant that she always has been in my life, she will continue to be. There will never be enough to say, or the right way to say what I have to express. There is no me without her. There will be a million things I want to tell her, and a million more moments that I want to share with her. My biggest solace through all of this is what Iāve felt my whole life, an unshakeable connection to her. The mutual understanding, admiration, and safety we felt with each other. I miss sitting across the room from her, and knowing exactly what sheās thinking. The smirks, the grimaces, the eye rolls, and the smile when her eyes would meet mine and she knew. My biggest solace is that she knew. My biggest fear is that it hasnāt truly hit me yet, but perhaps it will hit me constantly, randomly, in varying ways. Well then, maybe that would make me lucky after all, to be reminded of my girl. It hurts because it was real. I was rich in her love and that is something that transcends.
The U.S. run for Kevinās tour officially rapped up a month ago so I finally got around to scanning the doodles and processing the photos. One day on tour we were in the middle of nowhere Texas; I found a neat little metal box I scored for a dollar and inside were empty flash cards. Kevin got a sponsorship for pens so thatās how I started terrorizing everyone with the task of drawing doodles on show days.
I cherish the tour doodles and Iām grateful all those stinky boys kept me entertained and present everyday for 2 months. Needed to lock in and remind myself of a couple important lessons and now Iām home thinking clearer than ever and determined to keep pushing.
P.S. Foul Mouth is out now (and although Iām proud it was nice hearing it when no one knew it was coming hehe). I cried when I heard it for the first time and it felt like Alexis and Kevin made it for my little Olive brain but I know so many people can relate to verbal abuse, or the person you love having a special ability to crush specifically you in a world they show an innocent face to. I think everyone could benefit from keeping an eye on everything Kevin is working on this year, if not to relate, to enjoy.
2024: 4 tours and 1 Olive
I didnāt post for most of last year and I didnāt do a New Years round up, but I thought Iād take the time to reflect on my work before I hit the road again.
Started the year LDing for @dorianelectra before going out teching for my mentor @everythingsahologram on brysontiller and meeting back up together on @pouya , then I ran head first into teching @kaytranada
As always I met some amazing humans while also getting to work with some of my favorite humans like @cade.werner , and it was already a blessing to go on my first tour in 2022 with my mentor Clay and now weāve been on 3 together.
Everyone on the Grey Day tour was so insanely respectful and kind, which is why it holds a great place in my heart. Kevin is an artist I respect, admire, and am happy to work for.
@howiehugs gets a lifetime achievement award for teaching me a ton and attacking the behemoth that was the Kaytranada rig with me. The technicians on that job had their work cut out for them and rain or shine that rig flew.
Iām grateful for my life, my opportunities, and my growth. Iāve learned a lot on and off the stage, in and out of the tour bus. To those I call brothers, and to the people that keep me sane on days Iām building a stage when my body is breaking off 3 hours of sleep, thank you for looking out for me on this journey.
Xoxo Olive
Everything to me is right here ā¤ļøāš„
Feliz dia de las Madres to all my mamas
The matriarchy, but weāre missing @maxineangelball
šø @ogbillythekid
January and February.. As far as this format, I was missing tumblr days.
Being away from things you love makes the love multiply.
But Iāll be home soon.
Xxx
