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To my digital diary, it’s been a while — A couple weeks ago, I had a breakdown on the phone with my mom. I was spiraling, crying, trying to explain the heaviness I’ve been carrying this year. I kept bringing up Brian Wilson—not just because I admire him, but because I see myself in him. Pet Sounds is one of my favorite creative projects of all time—a true masterpiece. But when Brian set out to create SMiLE, it nearly destroyed him. It was meant to be even more ambitious and experimental. But perfectionism, pressure, the loss of support from his band, his mental health, and the fear that he couldn’t fully create what he saw in his mind took over. He shelved it. Not because he stopped loving it, but because the weight of its potential became too much to carry. This year, I’ve withdrawn from almost everything; creative projects, social spaces, even social media. I stepped away from the version of me that keeps everything going. It wasn’t intentional at first… but it became that way. I never really notice I’m burning out until it’s too late and by then, I’ve already let go of what I started. I shelved my own dreams not because they weren’t good, but because I needed to protect them from the sadness I was carrying. I’ve been in hiding spiritually and emotionally. It’s been a lonely era. Like I paused my life but kept watching everyone else play. Lately, I’ve felt like a turtle backed into its shell—not out of fear, but out of self-preservation. The shell gave me space to grieve, rest, and protect what I wasn’t ready to share. It was a break I needed—something I’m honestly notorious for avoiding. But I’ve been peeking out again. Getting inspired. Feeling less afraid of risk, people, and creation. I’m done mourning what I thought I lost. This wasn’t punishment. It was transition. I’ve simply outgrown old spaces. And the people I’m meant to grow with? They’re not behind me. They’re ahead waiting, watching, and wishing I’d stop looking back with the intention of moving forward. Just like SMiLE, the version of myself and my projects that will surface after a time of silence will still be worthy. Rest in peace, Brian Wilson. ♡ M

Hello to my digital diary— A few things happened this week that felt worth remembering. I got my Nommi Babies-finally. Me, Allie, and Junior each pulled ones that somehow perfectly match our personalities. It’s like they were already screaming to be ours from inside the bag. I also splurged on a 400% Nommi in pink (obviously). She’s perfect. I already want more. This week I also ran into an old mentor, and it was special and unexpected. It felt like a supercharged kind of alignment-especially since I was also spending that evening with my mom. Being around two people who truly want the best for me and have watched me grow over time really moved me in a way I didn’t realize I needed. It reminded me that there are people rooting for me in the sidelines of my life even if I don’t always see them. That makes me want to show up as the best version of myself everyday and never give up on my dreams. And yes, the beach trip. Me, Kailea, Junior, and Alyssa. I’m really grateful for them all. Kailea has this warm, open presence that makes deep conversations feel safe. She’s kind, caring, and creative in how she spends her time with her friends which I really admire. Junior cracks. Me. Up. He fully gets my sense of humor-and he’s the only person who noticed that Waves by Robin Schulz is just about some guy’s chill day at the beach. And Alyssa-it’s been really lovely getting to know her as her own person. She’s grounded, adventurous, smart, and such a free spirit full of quiet wisdom. I learn from her a lot. Being with my friends reminded me of how much I truly value a life of connection-even when it’s hard for me or I make the wrong choice about where to put that connection. Recently I’ve been thinking about what my true spirit animal is and I think I’ve landed on this: the carrier pigeon. I tend to show up in people’s lives to deliver something- a feeling, a truth, a shift-and then quietly disappear for a while, sometimes even forever. And emotionally, I always find my way, even without a map. Like them, I navigate by something magnetic. I realign by instinct. I may vanish for a while, but I never truly lose myself and can always return home. ♡ M

To my digital diary, friends, and footprint — I guess I’m sort of returning to Instagram, but differently. Not as the performance I used to make it, but as a tool for self-expression and memory-keeping. Somewhat like a digital diary. A place to visit, post, reflect—and then leave on the shelf. This past month, I deleted social media completely for the first time ever. Not just a break—a full wipe. And it felt like I got hours of my day back. Death to doom-scrolling, constant comparison, and being “in the know” 24/7. I’ve realized that ignorance truly is bliss—and I want a blissful life. Alongside deleting social media, I also quit drinking again. I’m very proud to say that I’ve made it 25 days without alcohol. Even though 25 days sounds like nothing compared to the 490 I had racked up before this relapse, I’m very happy to have made it back to a life without alcohol. It might not have looked like it from the outside, but these past few months were extremely hard and complicated. It’s wild realizing how much of my life was built around drinking—my friendships, my jobs, the people I dated, the things I enjoyed doing. All of it was wrapped around that one thing. And now that I’ve stepped away from it, I feel like I’m coming home to myself. I’m glad I found my way back, even through the dark. I’m making art again. Working on the magazine. Journaling every day. Living life without needing to post about every moment in time. Anyway, Fourth of July was beautiful. Even though I’m constantly avoiding being outside, I truly do appreciate reconnecting with nature every once and awhile. It helps me realize that I really am grateful to be here—to be by the lake, to laugh with my friends, and to be alive. Even though the bugs terrorized me for two days straight and I kept complaining about how cold I was, I truly had a great time. I’m sure my friends couldn’t wait for me to stop complaining—but they put up with me anyway (love you guys ₊˚⊹♡). My current obsession is nommi babies, which Allie put me onto. Me, Junior, and Allie ordered some, and I already know they’re going to be all I talk about for the next two months. Or maybe not. We’ll see… ♡ M