HOW IT FEELS TO BE IN MY MID TWENTIES ( turned oldy)
this whole month I have been stuck in a limbo of what it means to be in my mid-twenties. There's a clear shift that happens, like a second coming-of-age, and no one prepares you for it.
now, i'm expected to take everyone's responsibilities and make big decisions. does that mean i'm supposed to kill my dreams to feed the family or feed the dreams and let them be hungry? hungry for safety.
i feel the majority part of one's life is determined by their childhood. my teenage years were all about trying new things, pushing limits, and facing adversities.
when i was 11, i moved to a government school; i got bullied emotionally & physcially for for being different one who could talk to girls, could perform on stage, score well, take part and win competitions. it was enough for jaat insecure boys to bully me in a mob for months. tho i joined martial art just to fight them ended up becoming a national level player (tho beat most of them too)
every performance i did, sports i played, and art i made was my escape and rebellion against conditions.
the point is i've often felt indifferent (thanks to my ADHD) but weirdly enough i never tried to fit in, which ended up making me a popular loner and this feeling of loner stuck.
it grew up with me, followed me to my twenties, so now it walks with a mix of confidence and isolation.
but dreams aren't rebellion anymore; now, they feel like a wager, their success defines your self-worth and the risk increases from losing a medal to losing stability. if i chase them i risk stability and if i ignore them, i risk myself. now my dreams have to fight against EMIs, family expectations, and a job stability .
but mid-twenties isn’t about dreams only. now, we also have relationships, our traumas, and four new horsemen by our sides (instant gratification, shortened attention span, procrastination and exhaustion). and by God's grace, you lose that love - RIP to your 2-3 years
continued in comments...
