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Some stretches, my thoughts don’t know when to stop.
They replay conversations. They build futures I didn’t ask for.
What didn’t help was trying to think my way out of it. Reasoning, reassuring, analyzing. That just kept me inside the noise.
What helped was interrupting it.
The first thing was physical. I stopped negotiating with my body.
I lift heavy. Not for progress. Just until all my attention is required.
Heat until everything softens. Cold until thinking disappears for a moment.
It doesn’t fix anything. It creates a gap. A few quiet minutes where the mind loosens its grip.
I started treating that gap like an anchor instead of dismissing it.
The second thing was containment.
I noticed the thoughts got louder when I tried to ban them. So I gave them a slot.
Fifteen minutes a day.
Worst-case scenarios. All the fear, on purpose. When the time is up, I stop.
The rest of the day, when the thoughts come back, I say this out loud:
“I’m not deciding anything today.”
A few slow breaths. Attention back to the body. Decisions sent to tomorrow-me.
Most days, tomorrow feels a little stronger.
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2025 wasn’t about doing more.
It was about learning how to move again.
After burnout, I noticed how much force I was used to applying — to work, to training, to myself. Recovery didn’t ask for motivation. It asked for adjustment.
🪩 July was about choice.
For the first time, I celebrated my birthday exactly how I wanted. Art, performance, travel. Joy came back not as intensity, but as permission.
🌊 August returned me to the body.
Surfing for the first times. Shibari in a retreat setting. Awkward, physical, grounding. Movement without performance.
👁 September removed friction.
Eye surgery wasn’t about efficiency. It was about access — to water, sport, a more physical life. Less distance between intention and action.
🏋️ October held capacity.
Weights after a decade. A 5k on a runway. Performing in London and New York. Strength didn’t arrive dramatically — it accumulated.
🧿 November went deeper.
Music that hit hard. Time with my dad across countries. Ritual, history, travel through places that carry weight. Presence mattered more than pace.
🌏 December created felt connection.
Back to China again. Teaching, performing, reconnecting after years. Family, students, stages. Consistency felt lived in, not fragile.
Looking back, recovery didn’t come from stopping.
It came from learning how to move differently — with less force and more honesty.
2025 reconnected me with myself.
2026 asks for intention.
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I noticed this recently.
Most of the time, I’m not blocked by big decisions.
I’m slowed down by small behaviours I don’t challenge.
Not training once doesn’t matter.
But skipping again makes showing up feel heavier.
Not acting today doesn’t ruin anything.
But repeating that delay quietly changes direction.
What helped wasn’t a new plan.
It was noticing where attention and effort were leaking.
That’s where momentum thins or compounds.
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2025 became a year of recalibration for me.
After a heavy burnout in 2024, I didn’t try to reset everything. I didn’t have the capacity for that. What I could do was adjust how I moved.
🔹 January created distance. Iceland was cold, quiet, and slow. Less input than I was used to. That absence mattered more than inspiration.
💠 In February, I needed something tangible. Not a big plan — just something I could touch and shape. That’s how Thingy began. Movement returned, but without pressure.
🔸 March accelerated everything. My dad arrived. Work expanded. Travel became dense again. What surprised me was where energy came from. Not rest — but contact. People, responsibility, being outside all day, tired in a way that felt clean.
🔺 By April, I had to narrow my focus again. Art. Craft. One process at a time. Attention became the constraint.
🌀 May shifted direction quietly. Through breath and curiosity rather than ambition. Freediving changed how I related to my body. AI entered almost by accident — and stayed.
🌊 By June, something fundamental settled. Being underwater, holding my breath, nothing to react to. The calm wasn’t something I created. It was something the body remembered.
Looking back, recovery didn’t come from stopping. It came from learning how to move differently.
This is part one. Just a record of how capacity started to return.
